Porn over sex - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 05:54 PM Thread Starter
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Porn over sex

Here's a question for the boys. Why would you chose porn over your wife when she's home and willing?

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post #2 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

I wouldn't chose porn over my girlfriend if she was home or willing.

But some guys might chose porn over their partners because they're no longer attracted to her, because she's um.. let herself go, so to speak.

Or they've lost attraction for her, due to other reasons. Conflict, lack of appreciation, that sort of thing.

No doubt if he's choosing porn over her, there are serious issues there.
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post #3 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 06:36 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
Here's a question for the boys. Why would you chose porn over your wife when she's home and willing?
Personally I wouldn't choose pornography over my wife.

That said if I were so inclined to do that, I would do so for any or all of the reasons as listed below.

1. I didn't like and or love her.

2. I was not attracted to her.

3. I was repulsed by her.

4. I wanted to hurt her.

5. I wanted to play mind games with her, demolish her self-esteem and in combination with a variety of other actions, was intending to make her completely pliable to my every selfish whim.

6. I had low self-esteem, combined with sexual performance limitations and or other sexual issues.

You already know your partner sux. If you find his behaviour unacceptable you will end your relationship with him. Until you find his behaviour unacceptable you will continue to suck it up even if you don't like it.

At the end of the day understanding why your partner sux, is largely irrelevant if he isn't going to change. All that really matters is what he chooses to actually do, if he doesn't choose you, the why is redundant.

If you don't like it dump him. If you don't mind it, feel free to keep trying to find ways to convince yourself that it's you and not him.

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-28-2017 at 11:22 AM. Reason: changed name on quote as account name changed
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post #4 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 07:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by Personal View Post
Personally I wouldn't choose pornography over my wife.

That said if I were so inclined to do that, I would do so for any or all of the reasons as listed below.

1. I didn't like and or love her.

2. I was not attracted to her.

3. I was repulsed by her.

4. I wanted to hurt her.

5. I wanted to play mind games with her, demolish her self-esteem and in combination with a variety of other actions, was intending to make her completely pliable to my every selfish whim.

6. I had low self-esteem, combined with sexual performance limitations and or other sexual issues.

You already know your partner sux. If you find his behaviour unacceptable you will end your relationship with him. Until you find his behaviour unacceptable you will continue to suck it up even if you don't like it.

At the end of the day understanding why your partner sux, is largely irrelevant if he isn't going to change. All that really matters is what he chooses to actually do, if he doesn't choose you, the why is redundant.

If you don't like it dump him. If you don't mind it, feel free to keep trying to find ways to convince yourself that it's you and not him.
So you would never chose it over her? Or just chose her most of the time? Mu husbands and my sex life has been improving over the last few weeks, but today I caught him while I was at home. It pissed me off that he didn't come to me. I'm just wondering if it's normal that he'd watch it while I was home. If I was out it wouldn't bug me

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post #5 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:35 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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So you would never chose it over her? Or just chose her most of the time? Mu husbands and my sex life has been improving over the last few weeks, but today I caught him while I was at home. It pissed me off that he didn't come to me. I'm just wondering if it's normal that he'd watch it while I was home. If I was out it wouldn't bug me
I thought you were with a husband who chose porn to the exclusion of you, and who also had sexual performance issues as well. I guess I am mistaken, so if all is dandy press on and enjoy yourself.

To again answer your question, if faced with choosing between having sex with my wife or masturbating to pornographyI choose my wife.

If I want sex or she wants sex, (barring illness, injury, time and place limitations, physical separation etc) we readily share sex.

That said my wife and I are sometimes consumers of pornography (variously on our own or together whether we're home or apart. Plus we have even shared some of our own home made stuff (explicit photographs) online as well, although we haven't done that for more than a year.

So Porn just isn't a big deal for us at all.

I don't mind If my wife looks at porn and masturbates, just as she doesn't mind when I do the same. Because so far for both of us (and we know this because both still occur) at 45 and 46 years of age (we've been together since we were 24 and 25), we can readily masturbate and have sex multiple times a day without performance issues.

At the end of the day, having caught your husband it's evident he will continue to do this. So you can either accept it or not.

Ultimately if all someone does is complain about it yet not end their relationship over it. It's pretty obvious that as proven by their actions they accept it.

What people do is what actually matters, what they think is only relevant to what they do. If they think or say one thing yet do something else, the only thing that matters is the doing.

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-28-2017 at 11:20 AM. Reason: changed name on quote as account name changed
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post #6 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by Personal View Post
I thought you were with a husband who chose porn to the exclusion of you, and who also had sexual performance issues as well. I guess I am mistaken, so if all is dandy press on and enjoy yourself.

To again answer your question, if faced with choosing between having sex with my wife or masturbating to pornographyI choose my wife.

If I want sex or she wants sex, (barring illness, injury, time and place limitations, physical separation etc) we readily share sex.

That said my wife and I are sometimes consumers of pornography (variously on our own or together whether we're home or apart. Plus we have even shared some of our own home made stuff (explicit photographs) online as well, although we haven't done that for more than a year.

So Porn just isn't a big deal for us at all.

I don't mind If my wife looks at porn and masturbates, just as she doesn't mind when I do the same. Because so far for both of us (and we know this because both still occur) at 45 and 46 years of age (we've been together since we were 24 and 25), we can readily masturbate and have sex multiple times a day without performance issues.

At the end of the day, having caught your husband it's evident he will continue to do this. So you can either accept it or not.

Ultimately if all someone does is complain about it yet not end their relationship over it. It's pretty obvious that as proven by their actions they accept it.

What people do is what actually matters, what they think is only relevant to what they do. If they think or say one thing yet do something else, the only thing that matters is the doing.
That helped answer my question much better, Thank you.

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post #7 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:38 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
Here's a question for the boys. Why would you chose porn over your wife when she's home and willing?

I'll be almost too honest with my answer here as this used to be how I would behave a long time ago.

I would try to initiate sex with my wife, but I could tell she was not really in the mood. She would offer to let me have sex with her, but explained that I would just need to be quick and not take too long if I really needed to. At the time that would really hurt my feelings because I felt as if she had predetermined that she was not even going to try and enjoy intimacy with me, and I desperately wanted it to be a shared experience.

So there I was desperate to have sex with my wife, she was home and willing, but instead I would turn her down and go watch porn instead.

Can't tell you how many times that used to happen!

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post #8 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn over sex

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I'll be almost too honest with my answer here as this used to be how I would behave a long time ago.

I would try to initiate sex with my wife, but I could tell she was not really in the mood. She would offer to let me have sex with her, but explained that I would just need to be quick and not take too long if I really needed to. At the time that would really hurt my feelings because I felt as if she had predetermined that she was not even going to try and enjoy intimacy with me, and I desperately wanted it to be a shared experience.

So there I was desperate to have sex with my wife, she was home and willing, but instead I would turn her down and go watch porn instead.

Can't tell you how many times that used to happen!

Badsanta
That would hurt my feelings too. It feels like the other person doesn't care to be intimate at all.

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post #9 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
I'll be almost too honest with my answer here as this used to be how I would behave a long time ago.

I would try to initiate sex with my wife, but I could tell she was not really in the mood. She would offer to let me have sex with her, but explained that I would just need to be quick and not take too long if I really needed to. At the time that would really hurt my feelings because I felt as if she had predetermined that she was not even going to try and enjoy intimacy with me, and I desperately wanted it to be a shared experience.

So there I was desperate to have sex with my wife, she was home and willing, but instead I would turn her down and go watch porn instead.

Can't tell you how many times that used to happen!

Badsanta
Still your situation is a little different because the other person wasn't interested. I'm interested and never say no so it confuses me. I feel rejected

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post #10 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:52 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

How do you look OP? Maybe it's an attraction thing.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #11 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:01 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

Just from my own experience as a husband, do you have specific things you argue about on a consistent basis? Issues from the past that someone won't drop? Consistent conflict or something he is often mentioning that bothers him and is unresolved? Fear of a pregnancy he doesn't feel ready for? Any and all of these things can lead to a gradual disinterest in sex, out of frustration or insecurity with the relationship.
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post #12 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:01 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Still your situation is a little different because the other person wasn't interested. I'm interested and never say no so it confuses me. I feel rejected

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The combination of porn, masturbation, and orgasm (sometimes referred to as PMO) can be a rather addictive experience. The male sexual response is much different than that for females based on everything I have read.

In my post earlier, I would choose porn NOT because I was desperate to have sex, but because I was in pain. PMO for a male can be as powerful as taking a valium! The side effects will numb any emotional pain.

So in a situation if your husband was in emotional pain for whatever reason, and just wanted to use PMO to numb himself, that is not exactly a healthy reason to ask your wife for sex. Perhaps it is, but I do not see it being very pretty as in, "just shut up and fück my brains out so I can get some sleep, OK?"

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post #13 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Porn over sex

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The combination of porn, masturbation, and orgasm (sometimes referred to as PMO) can be a rather addictive experience. The male sexual response is much different than that for females based on everything I have read.

In my post earlier, I would choose porn NOT because I was desperate to have sex, but because I was in pain. PMO for a male can be as powerful as taking a valium! The side effects will numb any emotional pain.

So in a situation if your husband was in emotional pain for whatever reason, and just wanted to use PMO to numb himself, that is not exactly a healthy reason to ask your wife for sex. Perhaps it is, but I do not see it being very pretty as in, "just shut up and fück my brains out so I can get some sleep, OK?"

Badsanta
Good answer.

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post #14 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:06 PM
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Cool Re: Porn over sex

I'd much rather experience the reality of "a live participative sex show" with my loving wife much rather than to relish in the fantasy that porn always seems to provide!

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post #15 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:35 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

I think the emotional pain mentioned above could explain half, but why is he experiencing emotional pain? I feel like there is only half the story here, there is a reason he is doing that
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