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post #46 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 11:02 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Hudson, you are probably a bit shell shocked from the comments here and particularly if the girl is the same one in LS you are dealing with a double whammy.
When you are ready, please do come back, we can help you, if only to let you sort though your thoughts.
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post #47 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 12:12 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
This it?

Google lets you find anything.

If it is, man it's sad. I think it is, so I also want to change my advice. If this woman is telling the truth is sound like she was abused from a very young age and taken advantage of by a sick man. Also sounds like this sick man is still trying to abuse her. This changes the story from what sounded like a very adventurous girl in collage who basically kept it quiet, to a sexual abused girl who was pressured into doing things she didn't want by an abusive boyfriend. I get it she didn't tell you. That was her mistake and wrong, but I don't think it was a lie of malice but a lie of shame. Even though the lie was wrong, the motive for the lie was not one of evil.

OP do you love this girl? If you do then it may be worth fighting your feelings when it comes to her past. Only you know her for who she is now and you know better if she is telling the truth here in this post or not. If you think she is I think you guys should start over. I think you should give her a second chance, but let her know that honesty is needed moving forward, and this is part of the test. I am not saying be cautious, I am say be very cautious but it may be worth it.

Also you both should see if you can take some legal actions against the ex. What he did is illegal, and he may try to do it again

One more thing, in a way this ex-boyfriend is abusing you. And you are kind of letting him do it. He wanted to use this thing to destroy a good thing you had in your life. I don't know but if it me, that would make me pissed. I mean F this guy. Why does this garbage get to define who your ex gets to be with and what her worth is. You had a good thing going before this right? He is still manipulating her life and you with it. With out knowing it you kind of let him do it and abuse you too.

Finally this may all be an elaborate ruse and is so I will be the sucker and play along. If it's not and you and this women are real, you owe it to yourself and her to read everyone of her posts. Post that she had no reason to lie in because she never even told you about them, and from your words here you had no idea.

It will take counseling but if this is true you love the kid, and you loved her. I say a good man would fight, fight the thoughts, fight the evil ex boyfriend, and fight for what should be his family. Sh!t this story makes me want do drive to Canada and kick the ex's @ss all the way to Mexico. It would also make me want to fight for her because she need for someone to fight for her once in her life. Is that person you OP?
Without reading the LS post, this was my thoughts almost exactly.

The ex needs charges brought and a restraining order.

He really needs some attention I can't mention here.

Give her a chance Hudson.

Let her talk about it. Not all of us choose the days of our youth.
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post #48 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 12:16 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Dude if you are still reading this I don't think your wrong if taking this on too much for you. I just think you are heroic if you do. No one is judging you here. OK maybe on or two but most of us get it.
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post #49 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 10:10 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Yep... It takes a BRAVE MAN to admit his faults and to become a better person. So yeah, you'll gain more respect from others here and IRL if you can do that.

You did judge someone you "love", therefore you're going to be judged by your actions as well. Whatever shame or butt-hurt you are getting from people like me or others *IS NOTHING* compared to what you have done to that poor woman.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #50 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 10:37 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Yep... It takes a BRAVE MAN to admit his faults and to become a better person. So yeah, you'll gain more respect from others here and IRL if you can do that.

You did judge someone you "love", therefore you're going to be judged by your actions as well. Whatever shame or butt-hurt you are getting from people like me or others *IS NOTHING* compared to what you have done to that poor woman.
This unfair too. The ex psycho is the machiavellian one here. Most if not all people would have reacted the way OP did when being blindsided with seeing that. This whole situation is terrible, and this women is not his wife so he didn't brake a commitment. What is needed in this situation is healing. Not recrimination.
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post #51 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 05:10 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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This kind of abuse doesn't just start at this level it takes years of grooming to get to the point where anyway is able to go this far against what at one time would seem too far. If you start dating a guy at 12 who is raping you, no doubt you are going to end up in a bad way.
I agree. 12 is far too young to date, you have to wonder where her parents were(if it is her and we don't know that)
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post #52 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:26 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Yes, the crazy junky EXBF is the major thorn in this woman's life.

I *DO NOT* agree that most people would act like the way the OP did, not someone with compassion and the ability to think.
1 - the EXBF all of the *SUDDEN* cares after 3 years. Hint, mind games.
2 - OP Hasn't (so far) simply sit down and let her explain what was in the video, especially *IF* it happened almost 10 years ago! Obviously, she was a very young adult.
3 - If the OP isn't the same situation that is on Loveshack, then its easy to come back here and say "That's not us". So hopefully he's thinking about how he has wronged that poor woman.
4 - No matter if you are B&W - much of the world is not B&W. The inflexibility to talk to "the love of my life" is a problem that the OP has, or anyone who is like that.

Geez, if a person is drugged - its possible to not be aware of your situation. I have been drugged, my body interacted with others for about an hour and I don't remember anything but a few seconds here and there. Photos of friends at the club shows me having fun - but I was drugged, not drunk. A friend of mine was recently drugged and raped - she doesn't know who did it or how she got to where she woke up from. The timing was bad and If she was around me a bit longer when the drug hit, I might have caught on and protected her. Date-rape type drugs can make you do what you are told.
I do remember being told to do something, and I was like "okay". If someone told me to jump off a building - most likely, I would have done it.

If the OP gave his Fiancee of 3 years just 15 minutes or even 5 minutes of his time to listen to her. Then go off and think about it... he likely wouldn't have spent 2 months torturing the both of them.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.

Last edited by TaDor; 02-06-2017 at 03:27 AM.
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post #53 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 11:08 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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I agree. 12 is far too young to date, you have to wonder where her parents were(if it is her and we don't know that)
So you didn't read the post right? Her father repeatedly raped her both her and her mother. Sounds like her mother committed suicide.
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post #54 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 11:11 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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So you didn't read the post right? Her father repeatedly raped her both her and her mother. Sounds like her mother committed suicide.
No I havent read it, its not on this forum apparently and we dont even know if its her.

I will never understand how any mother can know their child is being abused and do nothing. Its sick.
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post #55 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:42 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

If that stuff was taped and he was, what 18 and her 12.... 19/13, 20/14 etc. what is the statute of

limitations in Canada? There are SoL in the US... and..... I have sat in on psych evals, investigated,

etc. and EVERY time.... they throw one away, they have another waiting. That is how they were nailed.

Oh.... they also were charged with engaging in child porn and trafficking it.... they get more time for that.

Whether you take her back or not.... bring that low life SOB to justice.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #56 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 03:48 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Apparently Chuck71, the OP's ex-fiancee was about 12 when she meet her BF and had sex with him - which no age was given for him, but maybe was age 12 or a bit older. By the time she was 14, he then shared her out to his friends. When she was 18 (about 10 years ago) he made a video of her in a gangbang.

Back in those days, as a CSA - she did what she was told, did drinking/drugs - etc. Thought that was normal. When she had the baby, she made a point to change her life to get away from such people. 5 years after that, she meet the OP (If its the same person).

OP hasn't been around since JAN 30. He didn't handle the 2x4s well. Maybe he'll come back? Maybe he'll learn to be a better person - doesn't matter if the OP is the same guy in question from LS.

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post #57 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 07:25 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
She's in Canada and she's already been told by multiple lawyers that she doesn't have a case. From what she said, the age of consent in Canada at the time this happened to her was only 14 which is disgusting. Apparently it's 16 now. And I think she said the guy was 6 years older so he was a legal adult when it started.
There is a little more to the 14/16 age of consent in Canada than that.

It must be within 3 year age difference. Example: a 15 year old being with an 18 year old is considered consenting adults but a 15 year old with a 20 year old is considered statutory rape.

Do I agree with my countries lax laws on what age of consent is. No but that's what it is.

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post #58 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
If that stuff was taped and he was, what 18 and her 12.... 19/13, 20/14 etc. what is the statute of

limitations in Canada? There are SoL in the US... and..... I have sat in on psych evals, investigated,

etc. and EVERY time.... they throw one away, they have another waiting. That is how they were nailed.

Oh.... they also were charged with engaging in child porn and trafficking it.... they get more time for that.

Whether you take her back or not.... bring that low life SOB to justice.
The statute of limitations is murky for this type of situation. However, at 12 years of age (when it started) does not appear (in my research) to have a statute of limitations. The videos would be (depending on her age in the videos, if under age - let's assume she is) physical evidence of child pornography, intent to distribute (showing to another person) child pornography, possession of child pornography, making of child pornography, soliciting a minor, grooming of a minor and extortion/coercion of a minor.

All federal level criminal charges (our version of felonies).

No statute of limitations on those.

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post #59 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Apparently Chuck71, the OP's ex-fiancee was about 12 when she meet her BF and had sex with him - which no age was given for him, but maybe was age 12 or a bit older. By the time she was 14, he then shared her out to his friends. When she was 18 (about 10 years ago) he made a video of her in a gangbang.

Back in those days, as a CSA - she did what she was told, did drinking/drugs - etc. Thought that was normal. When she had the baby, she made a point to change her life to get away from such people. 5 years after that, she meet the OP (If its the same person).

OP hasn't been around since JAN 30. He didn't handle the 2x4s well. Maybe he'll come back? Maybe he'll learn to be a better person - doesn't matter if the OP is the same guy in question from LS.
It was noted she was 12 and he was 6 years older.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #60 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Or that's a completely different story


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