Reconciling with fiancée - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 287Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #106 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,894
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Who is laura8, who just joined to post to this specific thread about the other site? And statements she has made are taken out of context. Maybe a friend that is an enemy to the relationship?

hudson (the OP) He talks about his conflicted feelings but since November when the video was shown to him, he has NEVER sat down and talked to this woman about this situation, who is supposed to be the love of his life. He just took the word of a junkie ex-BF from about 10 years ago, saw a few minutes of video - or who knows, maybe the whole thing and that was that.

How are you supposed to handle marriage IF YOU CANNOT EVEN TALK?! Communication is the #1 cause of divorce.

Looking at the recent posts on LS that Laura8 pointed out and a quick re-review of the first thread and reading the new thread.... I am 99.99% certain that the woman on the other site *IS* hudson's ex-F. Their stories match (what are the odds?): the timing, sex-abuse, video, her child, the neighbor and that hudson (her ex-f) is only seeing the kid, has blocked him from leaving - trying to talk to him.
The neighbor situation is properly explained by another poster there. "He remembers her, but he wants to forget HER - since she was underaged / he's married with a few kids now". Hell, the wife and I just moved and it turned out to be very close to where her AF used to live. I am aware of it, I don't give a damn because its just a building - and I'm only thinking about it now because of the context with hudson's ex-F.

hudson is not willing to TALK to his ex-F, that he is conflicted with - yet, is dating other women. Asking for advice, but won't go to the other site to confirm her story. (afraid?) There are two choices that I already pointed out: "Get out of limbo and get HER out of limbo." Leave or Stay.

Because of this and what Laura8 said, I'm going to post parts of what the ex-F on LS has said. I think people here are not seeing the full context. This is a small part of only what ex-F said over a period of 2 months:



If she was 14 and he was 20 - that could still get him put in jail for statutory rape. So he avoids her. She avoids him. People can do that.



A 19 yr old woman I dated for 6 months when I was in my early 30s, she was into some kinky BDSM stuff - some beyond my tastes back then. She was into things I wasn't and still not. But also, I desired more intimacy that she couldn't do. I still know her today, she married with a kid today. I talked about sex life-styles not too long ago and she said "she isn't into much of that she used to do. Some guys abused her before and after me. She is quite happy to have plain vanilla sex with her husband. No oral for either of them, he's not into giving or receiving. I can vouch that she was like that back then, which was an incompatibly issue for me. I like to give. But point is, she is quite happy with being in love with her husband's sexual style as it matches hers.

The ex-F woman who posted this... was in love with having sex with someone who didn't view her as a THING to put their penis into. That is what LOVE is about, right?


This is the part that doesn't match what laura was saying.
She wants to be CLOSE to this man who she is in love with. That she had to open herself up to her fiancee, and not feel GROSS about herself - that his touch was from a caring person.
She posted this text long before the thread here ever started.

As I posted above to the RAINN website: after severe sexual abuse - normal loving sex is a challenge. It's something she can get some help by going to a sex therapist, hopefully. I myself have been with at least two women who couldn't have orgasms. They enjoyed the sex, even rather kinky stuff... and one was sexual and sensual. But they couldn't hit the big O.

The ex-F woman has issues, she can get help and some do learn to "let go". She isn't happy about it and its a wiring issue in her head - that *IF* she and her ex-f were to go to therapy together, could help in her recovery.



The ex-F woman on the other site, NEVER said her fiance was "boring in bed, unsatisfying, no pleasure aka too small" Not even close! And never a word about penis size. Could Laura be the exBF of hudson's ex-F? Why make up things that were NOT said? Projection?

You can have a big penis and still be a lousy lay. And a woman that just lays there, is also not fun (to me). Everything that laura has said about this woman, wanting gang-bangs, life-style and "double-stuffed", *WAS NEVER SAID* as quoted above.

So, the only thing she omitted was her past sexual abuse as a teenage girl by several boys. Her ex-f didn't want to know and told her so. Which I feel that is childish of ANY person anyway. Otherwise, no cheating, no lying. She didn't want to tell you something about her past that would upset her possible future husband because he couldn't handle it and proved it so.

One man or a hundred men, as long as she doesn't have STDs and you both are in love, what difference does it make? You can get STDs from your very first sex act with another person.

Insecure that SHE is more sexually experienced? Yeah, somewhat - but that was a teenage girl who was treated as an object. Not a human being who has feelings THEN and has feelings NOW. Geez, my wife has had lingering insecurities with my sexual experiences. Typing this now and thinking about it. I'm going to tell her again how much I think she is sexy and how I am so attracted to her as a woman, my wife, mother of our son - that she is the one out of all those other women, that I love making love too and never loved anyone as much as I love her. I *do* love making love with my wife and to do anything she wants that she enjoys.


Seriously hudson. If this woman is your ex-F. Past the inital shock, you are in the wrong. You have a right to break it off with her and you need to break everything off then. But you are blaming her past which was out of her control, on the present issues. If that video was made 6 months ago - then dump her like a hot potato. Young women, teenagers are impressionable. They are easily manipulated into do things they DO NOT want to do or would not do if they were adults. That is why sexual predators are able to do what they do. I know of a 15yr old girl who thought her 30yr old boyfriend who got her pregnant was "Love" - I was so glad to watch the cops drag him away in handcuffs. Today, she is 23 years old, her child taken away from her forver by the state, got into drugs, hung around other bad-boys and is still in prison since the age of 19.

Your ex-F (if the same woman), is a strong woman, a much smarter woman who had the sense to change her life when she gave birth HER son. - her past did shape who she is today. That is the woman you "fell in love with".

She deserves someone better. Can you be a better man? If not, move on and find someone else that fits your requirements.
You need to read her other other thread, she did say that about her fiance.
Diana7 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #107 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:46 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 11
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Some of the people here are really pathetic. What sane person feels the need to post such vile things about another human being, then make sure to leave the woman you are talking about a link so she will see it? If she wasn't "mentally unstable" then, she will be now. Thank god all links to this thread on hers were deleted, hopefully before she saw it. If the OP, hudson, saw those vile posts that could have made his mind up. Why would he think people were just trying to sabotage him? He could be long gone and their relationship over because someone needed to be an bully.

If anyone actually took the time to read that thread, and participate in it, you would know all of that crap said was taken out of context or made up. Yes, there was "s**t shaming" going on in the other thread but if I remember correctly it was almost entirely limited to troll posts who made dozens of accounts just to bash her and a few other threads. The vast majority of people who participated in that thread did not view her as a "s**t", it is clear she is a victim of horrible life experiences.

The woman who wrote that thread genuinely wants her ex (this OP) back. I'm not precisely sure why, I haven't seen many redeeming qualities, but she does. At no point did she say that she hates their sex life, unless you decide to do some word-twisting and deletion. And at no point did she say that she wants to go back to the lifestyle that she was forced into. I also don't recall her ever mentioning that SHE did drugs, only that her ex used her body to get drugs. At no point did she say she was friends with the "neighbour", she avoids him at all costs. He hasn't made any move towards her and that is probably why she feels okay living there. She mentioned a DNA test in her thread, and said something along the lines of being sure who the father was because she knows who she WAS RAPED by and she didn't want to deal with the stigma of not knowing who the father is. Not once did she say that she prefers abusive, rapey, group sex over loving, "vanilla" sex. In fact, she said the opposite, that she never wants to go back and loved her sex life with OP.

If OP is intimidated because she has more "experience" than he does, well he just needs to get over that. If he's a racist bigot (mentioned in her thread that he doesn't like white/black interracial) and there was interracial RAPE that he is hung up on, well that is his hang up.
luca is offline  
post #108 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 10:58 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,645
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Man @hudson I have no idea why so many people want you to be a martyr and therapist and feel it's your obligation and you're a ****head for NOT taking this messed up person back into your life.

I think they're full of crap

YOU get to decide how you spend your life.

My dad was a shrink and he always said run. You have no obligation here.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is online now  
post #109 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 11:12 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,894
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Man @hudson I have no idea why so many people want you to be a martyr and therapist and feel it's your obligation and you're a ****head for NOT taking this messed up person back into your life.

I think they're full of crap

YOU get to decide how you spend your life.

My dad was a shrink and he always said run. You have no obligation here.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Agreed.
Diana7 is offline  
post #110 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 11:27 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1
I don't know where to start. I think you are making a huge mistake if you love this woman and let her go over this.

First of all the lying part that many here seem to focus on. I am a 48 year old man. I joined the US Army at 17 and while in Korea as a 17 and 18 year old boy, I had sex with more prostitutes than I can remember. I had a hell of a good time, I was not abused nor manipulated into it. Would I feel compelled to share this very personal chapter in my life with a woman I was dating now? Hell no!! None of her business. I was young. That was a very long time ago and it means nothing to my current t relationship. The problem here is that people reading this are giving me a pass because I am a man and when I did this I was a boy, but a woman who engages in risky sexual play is. ***** who can never be trusted. Double standard my friend.

Second and most important is romance. What ever happened to romance? I mean did Richard Geere care about all the men Julia Roberts had sex with? Or was he in love and did not care what she did before they met? If you are truly in love you will let this go.

Everything in life is perspective. There are men out there who would love to see videos of the very young version of their wife having sex. They would truly get off on seeing the love of their life as their own porn star and feel great that "she picked me".

There are men out there who learned today that their wife had months or weeks to live from a terminal illness who would trade places with you in a heart beat.

My point is, life is too short to sweat the small stuff and while this hurts and bothers you, this one is small stuff. If you love this woman, I mean really love her you would do anything for her. You would kill for her. You would endure pain for her.

The question is, do you love her? If you do go grab her and tell her you love her. Tell her you don't care what she did before you met. Go get some counseling to get over your feelings and go tell her ex that you don't care what she did before you came along. That you love his ex and are going to marry her and take away the power that he has over you.

If you don't really love her than let her go, but tell her the truth. It's not because she is an unworthy ****, it's because you do not love her and never really did.
Mike Kaiser is offline  
post #111 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 11:36 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,284
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Who is laura8, who just joined to post to this specific thread about the other site? And statements she has made are taken out of context. Maybe a friend that is an enemy to the relationship?

hudson (the OP) He talks about his conflicted feelings but since November when the video was shown to him, he has NEVER sat down and talked to this woman about this situation, who is supposed to be the love of his life. He just took the word of a junkie ex-BF from about 10 years ago, saw a few minutes of video - or who knows, maybe the whole thing and that was that.

How are you supposed to handle marriage IF YOU CANNOT EVEN TALK?! Communication is the #1 cause of divorce.

Looking at the recent posts on LS that Laura8 pointed out and a quick re-review of the first thread and reading the new thread.... I am 99.99% certain that the woman on the other site *IS* hudson's ex-F. Their stories match (what are the odds?): the timing, sex-abuse, video, her child, the neighbor and that hudson (her ex-f) is only seeing the kid, has blocked him from leaving - trying to talk to him.
The neighbor situation is properly explained by another poster there. "He remembers her, but he wants to forget HER - since she was underaged / he's married with a few kids now". Hell, the wife and I just moved and it turned out to be very close to where her AF used to live. I am aware of it, I don't give a damn because its just a building - and I'm only thinking about it now because of the context with hudson's ex-F.

hudson is not willing to TALK to his ex-F, that he is conflicted with - yet, is dating other women. Asking for advice, but won't go to the other site to confirm her story. (afraid?) There are two choices that I already pointed out: "Get out of limbo and get HER out of limbo." Leave or Stay.

Because of this and what Laura8 said, I'm going to post parts of what the ex-F on LS has said. I think people here are not seeing the full context. This is a small part of only what ex-F said over a period of 2 months:



If she was 14 and he was 20 - that could still get him put in jail for statutory rape. So he avoids her. She avoids him. People can do that.



A 19 yr old woman I dated for 6 months when I was in my early 30s, she was into some kinky BDSM stuff - some beyond my tastes back then. She was into things I wasn't and still not. But also, I desired more intimacy that she couldn't do. I still know her today, she married with a kid today. I talked about sex life-styles not too long ago and she said "she isn't into much of that she used to do. Some guys abused her before and after me. She is quite happy to have plain vanilla sex with her husband. No oral for either of them, he's not into giving or receiving. I can vouch that she was like that back then, which was an incompatibly issue for me. I like to give. But point is, she is quite happy with being in love with her husband's sexual style as it matches hers.

The ex-F woman who posted this... was in love with having sex with someone who didn't view her as a THING to put their penis into. That is what LOVE is about, right?


This is the part that doesn't match what laura was saying.
She wants to be CLOSE to this man who she is in love with. That she had to open herself up to her fiancee, and not feel GROSS about herself - that his touch was from a caring person.
She posted this text long before the thread here ever started.

As I posted above to the RAINN website: after severe sexual abuse - normal loving sex is a challenge. It's something she can get some help by going to a sex therapist, hopefully. I myself have been with at least two women who couldn't have orgasms. They enjoyed the sex, even rather kinky stuff... and one was sexual and sensual. But they couldn't hit the big O.

The ex-F woman has issues, she can get help and some do learn to "let go". She isn't happy about it and its a wiring issue in her head - that *IF* she and her ex-f were to go to therapy together, could help in her recovery.



The ex-F woman on the other site, NEVER said her fiance was "boring in bed, unsatisfying, no pleasure aka too small" Not even close! And never a word about penis size. Could Laura be the exBF of hudson's ex-F? Why make up things that were NOT said? Projection?

You can have a big penis and still be a lousy lay. And a woman that just lays there, is also not fun (to me). Everything that laura has said about this woman, wanting gang-bangs, life-style and "double-stuffed", *WAS NEVER SAID* as quoted above.

So, the only thing she omitted was her past sexual abuse as a teenage girl by several boys. Her ex-f didn't want to know and told her so. Which I feel that is childish of ANY person anyway. Otherwise, no cheating, no lying. She didn't want to tell you something about her past that would upset her possible future husband because he couldn't handle it and proved it so.

One man or a hundred men, as long as she doesn't have STDs and you both are in love, what difference does it make? You can get STDs from your very first sex act with another person.

Insecure that SHE is more sexually experienced? Yeah, somewhat - but that was a teenage girl who was treated as an object. Not a human being who has feelings THEN and has feelings NOW. Geez, my wife has had lingering insecurities with my sexual experiences. Typing this now and thinking about it. I'm going to tell her again how much I think she is sexy and how I am so attracted to her as a woman, my wife, mother of our son - that she is the one out of all those other women, that I love making love too and never loved anyone as much as I love her. I *do* love making love with my wife and to do anything she wants that she enjoys.


Seriously hudson. If this woman is your ex-F. Past the inital shock, you are in the wrong. You have a right to break it off with her and you need to break everything off then. But you are blaming her past which was out of her control, on the present issues. If that video was made 6 months ago - then dump her like a hot potato. Young women, teenagers are impressionable. They are easily manipulated into do things they DO NOT want to do or would not do if they were adults. That is why sexual predators are able to do what they do. I know of a 15yr old girl who thought her 30yr old boyfriend who got her pregnant was "Love" - I was so glad to watch the cops drag him away in handcuffs. Today, she is 23 years old, her child taken away from her forver by the state, got into drugs, hung around other bad-boys and is still in prison since the age of 19.

Your ex-F (if the same woman), is a strong woman, a much smarter woman who had the sense to change her life when she gave birth HER son. - her past did shape who she is today. That is the woman you "fell in love with".

She deserves someone better. Can you be a better man? If not, move on and find someone else that fits your requirements.
I completely agree with this post. Again we are not talking about an adult who goes of the ledge and starts participating in sex with many men. Or even someone in collage, who I would worry about. I often talk about if someone sees sex like a coffee date and you see it like a sacred trust that you probably shouldn't marry. This is not the case, it seems like she feels the same way as he does, she was just never given the opportunity to live that life.

OP read the links learn about sex and sexual assault. Become an expert because you are going to need to be.

Second, even beyond all the problems I always think it sad when people post about not having sexual chemistry like it's some static thing. If you don't have sexual chemistry WORK AT IT! Good spouses learn to know what the other is thinking, you can do that in bed too. Part of the problem is they have never been honest about what they are dealing with. Now if you have the honesty your sex life will improve. The challenge is to change this woman's idea of what sex is to give her orgasms in spite of all the **** she has been through. You do that and watch how she thinks of you.

One other thing all the beta's on here judging her (who was a child) and you because you may pursue this again with her. I'm someone who believes strongly in Men having honor. Taking responsibly for themselves first but also for those who honestly need help from others, because there burden is too great. The is nothing more gd Alpha then that. A strong man has the strength to lift himself and others. If you overlook the obvious instinctual pain that you feel by seeing her as you did. If you learn about her situation and work to help heal her even if it doesn't work out. If you do that then you are on the supreme of the Alpha scale in my book. That take monumental honor. Don't let some frat boys tell you otherwise. Real men solve problems and elevate people. Real men suffer for the ones they love.

Again assuming all this is real and not some elaborate ruse, I am not saying one way or the other because you need all the facts, not just her posts or ours. And it is a risk even those who want to change completely can fail. This is much harder then just moving on.
sokillme is online now  
post #112 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 11:40 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,284
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Man @hudson I have no idea why so many people want you to be a martyr and therapist and feel it's your obligation and you're a ****head for NOT taking this messed up person back into your life.

I think they're full of crap

YOU get to decide how you spend your life.

My dad was a shrink and he always said run. You have no obligation here.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Who exactly called him a ****head? Are you actually reading the posts on here?

If you think anyone here said he has an obligation then I have to question your reading comprehension skills. Every post said it was a difficult choice and that he had no obligation.
sokillme is online now  
post #113 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 12:32 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,645
Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Who exactly called him a ****head? Are you actually reading the posts on here?

If you think anyone here said he has an obligation then I have to question your reading comprehension skills. Every post said it was a difficult choice and that he had no obligation.


You haven't read the posts. They are saying HE has a hang up, blah blah blah

I simply call bull****.

Just because one person doesn't care about their partners sexual past doesn't mean everyone else should not care.

Many care a great deal - regardless of the reason for the sexual promiscuity.

Long long long posts explaining this or that to OP like he's supposed to agree with this crap. He's made his views plain. Those explanations of the views of OTHERS won't sway him.

His question has to do with living with the idea of leaving someone he loves, that's all. Nothing to do with anyone else's views of promiscuity etc. if you keep telling OP to change his values because "he's wrong" and "he has the problem" then you're calling him a ****head.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is online now  
post #114 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 12:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,645
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

@Mike Kaiser where did you get the idea that you'd get a pass for being promiscuous and sleeping with so many prostitutes just because you're a guy? I've never heard that here. Me - and many others who DIDN'T make the choice to be slvtty and promiscuous know the values we have and the decisions we made. These aren't accidents.

Yes I've had many slvtty guy friends - sure I like them and they're good guys but they get no pass from me. I would never want any woman I know to have s serious relationship with them if I knew they hid their past. In fact I'd be sure to bring it up if the woman was a friend.

Prisons are full of criminals who say the same thing - don't judge me for my past. I call bs - they can be "nice" people, but I wouldn't trust them near my property, family or friends - particularly without a warning and discussion about their past.

Decisions have consequences. We all get to decide who we want to be. If we change, that's fine, but have the integrity to own your past too.

The way someone interacts with others - sexually, in terms of lying, stealing, drinking, doing drugs, etc. - is very relevant in assessing character.

Read the pages of infidelity on TAM. It's full of BS who don't want to believe their S is who they actually are. I say open your eyes and see the other person and then you can decide if you have a match of values and character.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is online now  
post #115 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 01:26 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,894
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

I think its vital that we have no secrets from a person who we are going to marry and spend the rest of our lives with.
If a man lied to me about his many sexual partners, I would struggle to trust him again. Of course we should be honest about the past, for many of us sex is very important in a committed relationship/marriage, and any previous sex life is all part of that.

Some people are not worried about how many people their partners have had sex with, for me and for hudson and others, its very important. If we are the sort of person who hasn't slept around, then it may well be a no no for us.
Diana7 is offline  
post #116 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 01:42 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 11
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Man @hudson I have no idea why so many people want you to be a martyr and therapist and feel it's your obligation and you're a ****head for NOT taking this messed up person back into your life.

I think they're full of crap

YOU get to decide how you spend your life.

My dad was a shrink and he always said run. You have no obligation here.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
This "messed up person" was already in his life. She is the same person she was the day before he found out. The woman he proposed to. What if she had been raped after they were married? Does he still leave because she'd be "messed up"? OP proposed just days before dumping her. Till death do us part, unless you were raped.
luca is offline  
post #117 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 01:59 PM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,381
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
You need to read her other other thread, she did say that about her fiance.
You quoted my whole post. You are not specific.

*WHAT* are you talking about? In the 2nd thread - it is only about her son. She says nothing bad about her ex-f. Actually, she never said anything insulting about him in any way.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
TaDor is offline  
post #118 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 03:46 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,894
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by luca View Post
This "messed up person" was already in his life. She is the same person she was the day before he found out. The woman he proposed to. What if she had been raped after they were married? Does he still leave because she'd be "messed up"? OP proposed just days before dumping her. Till death do us part, unless you were raped.
They are not married yet, only just engaged, and its best that he ends it if he feels that he can't deal with the fact that she had sex with multiple men(many at one time). Its a massive thing to get you head around, she should have told him earlier on. I think its the lies and secrecy that will have hurt the most.
Diana7 is offline  
post #119 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 03:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,894
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
You quoted my whole post. You are not specific.

*WHAT* are you talking about? In the 2nd thread - it is only about her son. She says nothing bad about her ex-f. Actually, she never said anything insulting about him in any way.
That's not what I read.
Diana7 is offline  
post #120 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 03:52 PM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,381
Re: Reconciling with fiancée

@TheTruthHurts :
The only one who called the op, hudson a ****head, is you. You actually posted that, and now acting like others have said it.

Now does hudson have insecurities "hang-ups" - I believe so. That is my opinion and that of many others due to his own actions that he himself stated and the woman at the other site - which for the sake of easier composition and understanding, her name is "Gibrale" which I am very certain is the same person, and when I'm referring to her - will use her name.

My judgment of hudson is by his own words, Gibrale's posts only validated those opinions of him.

You are right, hudson does get to decide how to spend his life. But since he's on the fence of leaving this woman, without actually spending any time actually talking to her - *HE* is interfering with the life of a young mother and her 7-year-old son. That *IS NOT* his son. He has NO legal ties to the child, his actions are ABUSIVE to both of them and even himself. His justification for doing so *IS* childish and not that of a *MAN* who is secure with himself IMHO. My opinion of that was before I read the words of Gibrale.

I think he does need some help with a therapist to talk about and work on his expectations, his insecurities, and his bigotry. None of those are healthy for bringing up children. He should do that no matter what he does.

So lets jump back to the facts as presented by hudson himself and for which Gibrale story also matches his.
1 - He agreed to be in a relationship with this woman as friends then lovers. = YES.
2 - As a friend at first, was she obligated to tell him about her sexual history? = NO
3 - Did he tell her that he didn't want to know the sexual history of his ex-F? = YES.
4 - As humans, are we always 100% honest? NO. We all omit information as needed. "do these pants make me look fat?" You may think, "yeah - a little bit, but you look hot", but what comes out of your mouth is "No, they look great on you". Sorry, but reality is that people will bend the truth a bit. Women tend to not consider blowjobs as "sex" in refernce to the movie "Clerks". I tested this out on a female friend of mine and I think its fun & educational for people to try it out to. I asked her "do you count BJ's as sex?" She said "no". So I asked her to give me BJ. She said "no", so I said "but you said it wasn't sex". BTW, I wasn't expecting her to give me a BJ, but to point out that to men - ITS SEX. Anything that involves a sexual body part to be used = sex. Now, of the many women I had sex with, were most of them "relationships"? = NO. I had relationships with about 8 women in my life. The other 100+ are not relationships. And you are not in a "relationship" if they just raped you.

5 - Does his ex-F have the ability to go back in time, change her parents, change those who controlled her as a teenager? = NO
6 - Did hudson have a relationship with his ex-F's xBF? Not really, might have met him a few times - but otherwise, after 5+ years was pretty much nothing, then out of the blue this same low-life sends him a porno for the purpose of manipulation and hudson, fell for it like a fool. = YES.
7 - Did hudson sitdown with "his love" and spend 10mins, an hour, anything to hear her side of the story? = NO
8 - Did hudson's ex-F ever cheated on him while they were together. According to both people = NO.
9 - Has the ex-F tried to explain her side of the story? = YES
10 - The trauma of dealing her exBF is apparent. Hudon has stated that she would be depressed and emotional when she has to deal with him. = that guy has a nightmare for her. She *IS NOT and DID NOT* have fun.

Simple matter fact. hudson has his own ideas for a mate, and thought that such a person exists. They do not. He didn't want to know her past and told her. She was put into position to not tell him all the details that HE said he didn't want to know. He was already aware of some of the abuse she endured. She, trying to protect him - didn't want to burden him how much she was hurting.
If they were married and she was raped, would hudson have dumped her? Shamed her - as he *IS* shaming her now? Sorry, but reality is this: hudson is shaming his ex-F because she was sexaully abused as a child. And unlike most people in that position, she.. SHE pulled herself out of her hell.

He's here for advice. He's on the fence but looking to jump ship. He needs to choose one or the other. If he's not going to see what he has done was wrong and make amends. Yes, he has rights to his shock and being upset about the video. But he is IN THE wrong to not talk to her about, and treat her like crap. It is punishment.

He needs to get completely OUT OF HER LIFE. NO CONTACT what-so-ever. Eventually someone is going to meet someone else and that poor boy will be more hurt. hudson is disrespecting that child by disrespecting his mother. If he cannot get over his "HANG UPS" or work on getting over it... then he needs to be gone from her life.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.

Last edited by TaDor; 02-18-2017 at 04:08 PM.
TaDor is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me? Fem_Lindsey General Relationship Discussion 218 02-07-2017 08:11 AM
Advice on reconciling or moving on finishinglast The Men's Clubhouse 8 09-25-2016 01:18 AM
How to regain my fiancée's trust after this? Nickolas James The Men's Clubhouse 10 07-31-2016 07:13 PM
What's the best way to tell my fiancée that I will dating her best friend? yohanes Coping with Infidelity 3 02-16-2016 10:44 AM
Fiancee left me like a bolt from the blue sarajane231 General Relationship Discussion 81 12-11-2013 08:31 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome