Reconciling with fiancée - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 03:57 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

I think my only question is have you been tested for stds?


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post #122 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 04:05 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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That's not what I read.
What did you read? I asked you to be specific. "That's not what I read" is meaningless.

Have you told any boyfriend or husband about every sexual act or thought that you experienced in your past? More men, than women have insecurities about sexual past.

If you (or any woman) had sex with a man 10 years in the past, it doesn't mean his guy germs / DNA are still in your body.

There are women who only had sex with her husband, that cheat on that husband later in the marriage. There are women who had sex with hundreds of men, who don't cheat on their husbands.

I had way past 100 sexual partners over my wife. Yet, I never cheated on her nor ever thought about cheating on her. Not even a revenge affair. What was he sexual number before I meet her? I don't actually know. I think its between 7 ~ 20. We are both STD free. She has told me about some of the people in her past as I have told her mine... but I never asked for a number. What difference does it really make? SEX and LOVE are not the same thing. I know some people want to think that way, but it isn't. That's not as bad as the idiotic logic that RAPE = LOVE since its sex. Or that "real rape doesn't create pregnancy" as if women can shut down rape sperm.

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post #123 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 04:06 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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I think my only question is have you been tested for stds?

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Is that because hudson has been dating and possibly having sex with other women in the past 4 months or so?

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post #124 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 04:22 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Many care a great deal - regardless of the reason for the sexual promiscuity.

Long long long posts explaining this or that to OP like he's supposed to agree with this crap. He's made his views plain. Those explanations of the views of OTHERS won't sway him.

His question has to do with living with the idea of leaving someone he loves, that's all. Nothing to do with anyone else's views of promiscuity etc. if you keep telling OP to change his values because "he's wrong" and "he has the problem" then you're calling him a ****head.
He posted LONG LONG post about what happened and HE ASKED about reconciliation. He is inexperienced and/or blind to the situation because he put him there by NOT TALKING TO HER.

He isn't sure of his own plans, he stated that. So some of us are pointing OUT that he is avoiding the trying to resolve the problem.
He has two choices. Stay and FIX his issues and heal both of them. Or GO AWAY.
I only add that if he goes away, that he goes and fixes his issues.

If he truly loves her, he wouldn't be shaming her for being raped or witnessing rape for most of her childhood. So hopefully he will go to RAINN and learn something.

He does have a problem. He avoids communication. he choose to listen to the words of a druggie who he said, wasn't smart.

Changing values? Well, its generally healthy to learn how to GROW as a person. I used to have a very narrow view of what I would consider asking a woman for a date. That resulted in almost no dates. And just because a woman is for example "A religious Christian woman"... well, I've had just such a woman cheat on me on a date, in which I ran into her with another man AFTER the date was over, when she had told me she had to go home and get sleep for work the next day.

I don't put stock in self-righteous people. Just because someone labels themselves as Religious, conservative or morals doesn't mean they actually have morals, truthful or nice as many (not most) such people have shown to be quite evil.

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post #125 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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This "messed up person" was already in his life. She is the same person she was the day before he found out. The woman he proposed to. What if she had been raped after they were married? Does he still leave because she'd be "messed up"? OP proposed just days before dumping her. Till death do us part, unless you were raped.


Proposed under false pretense. No marriage; no death till us depart.

Yes she was in his life and then he found out she was a liar, won't DNA test her kid, stays in proximity with someone she had group sex with, and on and on.

Yes she is totally messed up. He has no obligation to save her. She hid this stuff.

Why is that so hard to accept?


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post #126 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:38 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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@TheTruthHurts :
The only one who called the op, hudson a ****head, is you. You actually posted that, and now acting like others have said it.

Now does hudson have insecurities "hang-ups" - I believe so. That is my opinion and that of many others due to his own actions that he himself stated and the woman at the other site - which for the sake of easier composition and understanding, her name is "Gibrale" which I am very certain is the same person, and when I'm referring to her - will use her name.

My judgment of hudson is by his own words, Gibrale's posts only validated those opinions of him.

You are right, hudson does get to decide how to spend his life. But since he's on the fence of leaving this woman, without actually spending any time actually talking to her - *HE* is interfering with the life of a young mother and her 7-year-old son. That *IS NOT* his son. He has NO legal ties to the child, his actions are ABUSIVE to both of them and even himself. His justification for doing so *IS* childish and not that of a *MAN* who is secure with himself IMHO. My opinion of that was before I read the words of Gibrale.

I think he does need some help with a therapist to talk about and work on his expectations, his insecurities, and his bigotry. None of those are healthy for bringing up children. He should do that no matter what he does.

So lets jump back to the facts as presented by hudson himself and for which Gibrale story also matches his.
1 - He agreed to be in a relationship with this woman as friends then lovers. = YES.
2 - As a friend at first, was she obligated to tell him about her sexual history? = NO
3 - Did he tell her that he didn't want to know the sexual history of his ex-F? = YES.
4 - As humans, are we always 100% honest? NO. We all omit information as needed. "do these pants make me look fat?" You may think, "yeah - a little bit, but you look hot", but what comes out of your mouth is "No, they look great on you". Sorry, but reality is that people will bend the truth a bit. Women tend to not consider blowjobs as "sex" in refernce to the movie "Clerks". I tested this out on a female friend of mine and I think its fun & educational for people to try it out to. I asked her "do you count BJ's as sex?" She said "no". So I asked her to give me BJ. She said "no", so I said "but you said it wasn't sex". BTW, I wasn't expecting her to give me a BJ, but to point out that to men - ITS SEX. Anything that involves a sexual body part to be used = sex. Now, of the many women I had sex with, were most of them "relationships"? = NO. I had relationships with about 8 women in my life. The other 100+ are not relationships. And you are not in a "relationship" if they just raped you.

5 - Does his ex-F have the ability to go back in time, change her parents, change those who controlled her as a teenager? = NO
6 - Did hudson have a relationship with his ex-F's xBF? Not really, might have met him a few times - but otherwise, after 5+ years was pretty much nothing, then out of the blue this same low-life sends him a porno for the purpose of manipulation and hudson, fell for it like a fool. = YES.
7 - Did hudson sitdown with "his love" and spend 10mins, an hour, anything to hear her side of the story? = NO
8 - Did hudson's ex-F ever cheated on him while they were together. According to both people = NO.
9 - Has the ex-F tried to explain her side of the story? = YES
10 - The trauma of dealing her exBF is apparent. Hudon has stated that she would be depressed and emotional when she has to deal with him. = that guy has a nightmare for her. She *IS NOT and DID NOT* have fun.

Simple matter fact. hudson has his own ideas for a mate, and thought that such a person exists. They do not. He didn't want to know her past and told her. She was put into position to not tell him all the details that HE said he didn't want to know. He was already aware of some of the abuse she endured. She, trying to protect him - didn't want to burden him how much she was hurting.
If they were married and she was raped, would hudson have dumped her? Shamed her - as he *IS* shaming her now? Sorry, but reality is this: hudson is shaming his ex-F because she was sexaully abused as a child. And unlike most people in that position, she.. SHE pulled herself out of her hell.

He's here for advice. He's on the fence but looking to jump ship. He needs to choose one or the other. If he's not going to see what he has done was wrong and make amends. Yes, he has rights to his shock and being upset about the video. But he is IN THE wrong to not talk to her about, and treat her like crap. It is punishment.

He needs to get completely OUT OF HER LIFE. NO CONTACT what-so-ever. Eventually someone is going to meet someone else and that poor boy will be more hurt. hudson is disrespecting that child by disrespecting his mother. If he cannot get over his "HANG UPS" or work on getting over it... then he needs to be gone from her life.


I just think you're completely wrong. That's all.


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post #127 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:19 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Is that because hudson has been dating and possibly having sex with other women in the past 4 months or so?


No. Because his ex has been with multiple partners at a time. I'm also positive that they have been with multiple partners at one time or another or perhaps gay sex. You just never know. That's why I asked.


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post #128 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:00 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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No. Because his ex has been with multiple partners at a time. I'm also positive that they have been with multiple partners at one time or another or perhaps gay sex. You just never know. That's why I asked.
The only thing that has been said that she was didn't discuss was when she was being sexually abused as a teenager. No STDs were brought up and also women are tested for that when pregnant.

The only one that is having some fun dating others... is hudson.

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post #129 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:08 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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No. Because his ex has been with multiple partners at a time. I'm also positive that they have been with multiple partners at one time or another or perhaps gay sex. You just never know. That's why I asked.


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Someone who has had sex with 20 men on separate occasions or 20 men all on the same day are exposed to the same amount of STD's. And who mentioned anything about "gay sex"?

"Hudson" said earlier that he had STD tests done multiple times since they split. Which is fair enough, his ex admitted in her own post that condoms were never used. 7 years of unprotected rape, 5 of which years were with multiple partners, is a fair reason to be tested.
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post #130 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:18 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Proposed under false pretense.
Being raped is hardly a false pretense. She wasn't misrepresenting herself or trying to deceive anyone. He said he didn't want to know about it, she obliged.

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Is that because hudson has been dating and possibly having sex with other women in the past 4 months or so?
Unless "hudson" has done a total 180 from his ex's description of him I doubt he's been sexually involved with anyone.

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He is very conservative about sex. He has only had sex in serious relationships, he doesn't even kiss right away. He doesn't like black/white interracial relationship (I feel like that is an American thing). He is completely against "hooking up", pro waiting until marriage (and wished we had). He didn't want to live together until we were married, but did change his mind. No anal, always used condoms, no ejaculating anywhere but the condom or his hand, very rarely masturbated, no porn, he wasn't very comfortable with oral.
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post #131 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:24 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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I just think you're completely wrong. That's all.
Based off of what? I debate the facts as presented by OP himself. The woman on the other site, matches his story.

You can also edit a quoted text.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Proposed under false pretense. No marriage; no death till us depart.

Yes she was in his life and then he found out she was a liar, won't DNA test her kid, stays in proximity with someone she had group sex with, and on and on.

Yes she is totally messed up. He has no obligation to save her. She hid this stuff.

Why is that so hard to accept?
At the time of pregnancy, she was only having sex with one person. It would be stupid for my own wife to do a DNA test on our kid because she didn't have sex with others and he looks just like me.
If she is UNSURE if her exBF is the father, then the DNA test would be to her advantage as it would allow her to cut-off ties to him. She cannot force DNA tests on others who are long gone.

The OP said specifically that he didn't want to know many details of her sexual past. HE should grow and figure out that people do in fact ****. Sometimes its for fun, sometimes it is rape. A 15 year old girl being handed over to other boys for barter *IS NOT IN CONTROL*. She was *USED*. That kind of crap happens all the time and to a degree it even works with adults.

"Yeah baby... I love you. I love you. Just let me touch you a little bit... Just a a feel. I love you. You are my one and only. You'll do anything for me because you love me, right baby?"

Teen girls are EASY to manipulate, especially when one is from a broken family and looking for anything that seems like feelings from someone who cares.

And AS she has stated before and YOU have read: She didn't know that they moved next to one of her past rapists. She is ashamed and hid that. She did it for good reason as shown.
If the OP/ her ex-F was more of a man who could handle reality. She could have told him "Oh snap! we moved next to one of the guys who raped me, can we move?"

And rape is a rather hard thing to prove... and I have police officer friends that I asked if they could help. In the past few years, some female friends of mine were raped. Due to circumstances- they couldn't prove it. That *IS* today. hell, one college kid got off with a few months in jail for raping a woman next to a dumpster and had two other MEN catch him and tackle him down. Yet the jerk judge didn't want to ruin his life for a "2 minute mistake". So yeah, in this country and some others - women are shamed for being raped! You are blaming a 14 year old girl for the abuse that she saw no way out of. Why don't you go to rainn.org and get yourself educated on the trauma and hell that children of rape have gone through?

Get this, I'm a 46 year old man and I've spent almost 40 years with triggers that came and go that I never fully understood or believed until it went into over-drive in 2015. Yeah, I remember some of my first triggers when I was 7, that I didn't know how to tell others - my parents about it. So yeah, I understand somewhat of the pain that women went through.

She deserves a real man who isn't going to go sulk in a corner and shame her because she was raped for years by adults and teenagers for years.

He has no obligation to save her... yep, for the most part. So which case it comes down to options A and B.
Either grow a pair, educate himself, see if he has the capacity of compassion - get therapy and help her recover. Or B, get the hell out of her life 100%. She doesn't need his crap or abuse. The sooner he goes away, the sooner she can heal and find someone can actually listen to her and that she doesn't have to FEAR talking to.

Instead, he has spent about 4 months tormenting that woman, not talking to her, dating other women
Quote:
"I have been seeing new women and while I'm enjoying my time with them..."
But spending time with HER SON. He has no right to regard HER son as "HIS". The boy needs a REAL man to be his father.

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post #132 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:36 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

@luca

I gather that he watched the whole video. If it was me, I would be mad at the exBF without watching the video or just a few seconds to see that if it was really her. So who knows what he really does on these dates.

Well, who knows what is really bugging him. He saw the video and decided that was that. So he should have gone to therapy a long time ago. But still, what was it? That it was a few boys and men having sex with a teenager? Was it the DP or was it the black guy that pushed him over the edge.

A white woman I know, who had broken up wth her black boyfriend told me this. A (white) man from her past said he would NOT ever want to have sex with her because she had relations with a black man. Even thou this same racist idiot has had sex with at least one black woman. That doesn't make sense?!

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Last edited by TaDor; 02-19-2017 at 03:24 AM. Reason: fixed typos and corrected a statement from a fact to an assumption/gather of a possible action.
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post #133 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:45 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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Based off of what? I debate the facts as presented by OP himself. The woman on the other site, matches his story.

You can also edit a quoted text.



At the time of pregnancy, she was only having sex with one person. It would be stupid for my own wife to do a DNA test on our kid because she didn't have sex with others and he looks just like me.
If she is UNSURE if her exBF is the father, then the DNA test would be to her advantage as it would allow her to cut-off ties to him. She cannot force DNA tests on others who are long gone.

The OP said specifically that he didn't want to know many details of her sexual past. HE should grow and figure out that people do in fact ****. Sometimes its for fun, sometimes it is rape. A 15 year old girl being handed over to other boys for barter *IS NOT IN CONTROL*. She was *USED*. That kind of crap happens all the time and to a degree it even works with adults.

"Yeah baby... I love you. I love you. Just let me touch you a little bit... Just a a feel. I love you. You are my one and only. You'll do anything for me because you love me, right baby?"

Teen girls are EASY to manipulate, especially when one is from a broken family and looking for anything that seems like feelings from someone who cares.

And AS she has stated before and YOU have read: She didn't know that they moved next to one of her past rapists. She is ashamed and hid that. She did it for good reason as shown.
If the OP/ her ex-F was more of a man who could handle reality. She could have told him "Oh snap! we moved next to one of the guys who raped me, can we move?"

And rape is a rather hard thing to prove... and I have police officer friends that I asked if they could help. In the past few years, some female friends of mine were raped. Due to circumstances- they couldn't prove it. That *IS* today. hell, one college kid got off with a few months in jail for raping a woman next to a dumpster and had two other MEN catch him and tackle him down. Yet the jerk judge didn't want to ruin his life for a "2 minute mistake". So yeah, in this country and some others - women are shamed for being raped! You are blaming a 14 year old girl for the abuse that she saw no way out of. Why don't you go to rainn.org and get yourself educated on the trauma and hell that children of rape have gone through?

Get this, I'm a 46 year old man and I've spent almost 40 years with triggers that came and go that I never fully understood or believed until it went into over-drive in 2015. Yeah, I remember some of my first triggers when I was 7, that I didn't know how to tell others - my parents about it. So yeah, I understand somewhat of the pain that women went through.

She deserves a real man who isn't going to go sulk in a corner and shame her because she was raped for years by adults and teenagers for years.

He has no obligation to save her... yep, for the most part. So which case it comes down to options A and B.
Either grow a pair, educate himself, see if he has the capacity of compassion - get therapy and help her recover. Or B, get the hell out of her life 100%. She doesn't need his crap or abuse. The sooner he goes away, the sooner she can heal and find someone can actually listen to her and that she doesn't have to FEAR talking to.

Instead, he has spent about 4 months tormenting that woman, not talking to her, dating other women
But spending time with HER SON. He has no right to regard HER son as "HIS". The boy needs a REAL man to be his father.


You don't know any of this. There were posts on another site and @hudson already said they aren't the truth. So you're going on and on like you know what you're talking about and you don't.

I doubt there was even rape


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post #134 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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You don't know any of this. There were posts on another site and @hudson already said they aren't the truth. So you're going on and on like you know what you're talking about and you don't.

I doubt there was even rape


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Except "hudson" didn't read the post on LS (or so he claims). He only went off the interpretations that were posted here, coincidentally those posts also included totally made up information.

If there was no rape then why does she have a physical and mental reaction every time she has to see her ex-vf/baby daddy? You can't fake those reactions.
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post #135 of 287 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Reconciling with fiancée

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@luca

Apparently, he watched the whole thing. If it was me, I woulf be mad at the exBF without watching the video or just a few seconds to see that if it was really her. So who knows what he really does on these dates.

Well, who knows what is really bugging him. He saw the video and decided that was that. So he should have gone to therapy a long time ago. But still, what was it? That it was a few boys and men having sex with a teenager? Was the it the DP or was it the black guy that pushed him over the edge.

A white woman I know, who had broken up wth her black boyfriend told me this. A (white) man from her past said he would NOT ever want to have sex with her because she had relations with a black man. Even thou this same racist idiot has had sex with at least one black woman. That doesn't make sense?!
I missed the part where he watched the entire video. If he did, that's messed up. I wouldn't even have clicked on it, or would have closed it immediately. That's messed up if he could watch that. In his ex's thread I believe she said he was send more than one video, or they were merged together can't remember. That could have been a long video. Based off her description it was long enough the 4 men involved to take a turn and her to orgasm. With rape I imagine orgasm would take a long time to achieve, seeing as it's just stimulation based. If he watched all that then I'd have doubts about her belief of him. A very conservative non-porn watching man isn't going to watch his GF's "porno", especially when she is doing things that he is totally against.

I kind of have a feeling that he is more upset by black man/men than the rest of it... And that is pathetic. I'm a guy and I really can't grasp why some are so hung up on not touching a woman once she's "gone black". The kid would be better without a racist dad/step dad/ex-step dad/whatever the F he is.
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