HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #136 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 12:16 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

This is what is so intensely frustrating. There are women here who are passionate and adventurous but who are paired with men who are selfish lovers on the rare occasions where they want sex at all. There are men who are romantic and loving, and who are happy to do anything their partner could as for in bed paired with women who have no interest.

It just seems that so many people could be so much happier if we could all just get the right partners.

i know its not that simple but sometimes it seems like it.

The temptation to cheat can be so high when it seems that there are women who would appreciate me and whom I would appreciate. Again, I know that there is a lot more to life than sex, but the desire remains.


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Heh. My wife and your hubby should get together. You and I should do the same.
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post #137 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 02:34 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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It just seems that so many people could be so much happier if we could all just get the right partners.
OR,--to bring this topic full circle-- if we changed our perceptions...

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The temptation to cheat can be so high when it seems that there are women who would appreciate me and whom I would appreciate. Again, I know that there is a lot more to life than sex, but the desire remains
Part of the appeal of an affair is that the affair partners focus on each other. No kids fighting, no diapers to change, no pets to care for, no bills to worry about (with the affair partner, that is), no in-laws. None of those everyday "distractions" of married life.

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post #138 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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Part of the appeal of an affair is that the affair partners focus on each other. No kids fighting, no diapers to change, no pets to care for, no bills to worry about (with the affair partner, that is), no in-laws. None of those everyday "distractions" of married life.
Completely agreed. I seriously doubt when someone is even just fantasizing about an affair or another partner they are picturing family vacations with that person. This brings up an interesting point as well, and I am sure different for each person, but how much of an affair is driven by wanting to escape reality vs it being is driven by the hormonal drive to be with someone else.
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post #139 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:12 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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This is what is so intensely frustrating. There are women here who are passionate and adventurous but who are paired with men who are selfish lovers on the rare occasions where they want sex at all. There are men who are romantic and loving, and who are happy to do anything their partner could as for in bed paired with women who have no interest.

It just seems that so many people could be so much happier if we could all just get the right partners.

i know its not that simple but sometimes it seems like it.

The temptation to cheat can be so high when it seems that there are women who would appreciate me and whom I would appreciate. Again, I know that there is a lot more to life than sex, but the desire remains.
I think it's the underlying feelings surrounding sex that create the problem. Sex is an act. One that for me, with the right partner, involves feeling loved, desired, and needed. Sex with just anyone, or the wrong person does not result in those feelings.

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post #140 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:16 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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Actually exercise for some will minimize the libido. If I am very aroused and it is not a good time for my wife, I'll go for a walk / jog and then by the time I get back home my desire for sex is gone. This may not be the same for all.

So sometimes a high libido may be the result of not getting enough exercise and the body is trying to find a way to burn some calories. The result can be for the libido to ramp up.

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I think exercise can be used either way. I can definitely see how exercising can quell the immediate desire for sex. I am saying that in general the more a person exercises the higher their libedo may be, not that going for a run will get you all hot and ready right away.

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post #141 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:22 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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OR,--to bring this topic full circle-- if we changed our perceptions...



Part of the appeal of an affair is that the affair partners focus on each other. No kids fighting, no diapers to change, no pets to care for, no bills to worry about (with the affair partner, that is), no in-laws. None of those everyday "distractions" of married life.
That's not true in all cases though. Personally when I watch my husband taking care of our kids it is one of my biggest turn ons. For me it is the feelings of acceptance and love from my family unit that make sex great with my husband. I wish him and I had more. I find when we don't we end up bickering and arguing a lot more. My happy, loving family becomes a little less so. My desire is not to have an emotionally unattached affair. I want love, closeness, and intimacy. People cheat for all kinds of reasons. I'll bet more then a lot of reasons have an emotional reason behind them.

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post #142 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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Actually exercise for some will minimize the libido. If I am very aroused and it is not a good time for my wife, I'll go for a walk / jog and then by the time I get back home my desire for sex is gone. This may not be the same for all.

So sometimes a high libido may be the result of not getting enough exercise and the body is trying to find a way to burn some calories. The result can be for the libido to ramp up.

Badsanta
I think they have actually shown exercise (too much) actually could suppress your drive and lead to lower t levels (in the same way it could lead to a reduced immune system). Maybe that is in part why I haven't had much of a drive of late and been sick a lot lol.
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post #143 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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And in my opinion this is where it becomes necessary to make it a priority. It's an important aspect of marriage.

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Agreed. The problem is of course when one person views it as a a priority and the other doesn't. Naturally you would think meeting in the middle would be in the best interest of both, but whether it be pride, selfishness, or other ... it all too often seems to not be the case.

Funny enough as well, when I try to make it more of a priority it is like there is a higher power out there saying "Not so fast, Skippy!" lol.

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post #144 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:58 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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I think they have actually shown exercise (too much) actually could suppress your drive and lead to lower t levels (in the same way it could lead to a reduced immune system). Maybe that is in part why I haven't had much of a drive of late and been sick a lot lol.
Really? That's interesting. Did it say how much exercise causes this? I thought more exercise increased t levels. Like anything, too much isn't good.

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post #145 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 09:29 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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Maybe LD's enjoy the honeymoon phase. That's just it though. It's a phase and it leaves us HD's high and dry. It's disappointing to say the least. I find I start pulling away emotionally when sex isn't happening. I feel like I live with a roommate. It's funny because my husband says the same thing, yet never attempts to up the sex. It leaves me taking the lack of sex very personally.

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I do the same thing. It's hard to stay emotionally connected when the intimacy is lacking. I think what's hard for me, too, is the fact that I can tell she is actively avoiding other kinds of intimacy because it might lead to sex. I often feel like I'm the butler. It's not a great feeling, and it certainly doesn't do much for my feelings of being loved and desired. Also, I find myself worrying after sex, "How long am I going to be sidelined this time?

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post #146 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:10 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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I wouldn't say I'm in great shape lol. I like cookies too much. Why is it that people with high sex drives wind up with low drive spouses. It seems very unfair.

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The law of large numbers, as well as the self selecting nature of forums like this.

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post #147 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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Agreed!

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The majority, or a good percentage, of the 1x a month or less types would not want even non sexual touch for fear of it escalating...

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post #148 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

Agreed, but the temptation comes from the (usually incorrect) belief that the person you don't know well IS the "right" partner, that all the missing information is filled in from fantasy. Its not true, but its easy for the mind to go that way.

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I think it's the underlying feelings surrounding sex that create the problem. Sex is an act. One that for me, with the right partner, involves feeling loved, desired, and needed. Sex with just anyone, or the wrong person does not result in those feelings.

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post #149 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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I think it's the underlying feelings surrounding sex that create the problem. Sex is an act. One that for me, with the right partner, involves feeling loved, desired, and needed. Sex with just anyone, or the wrong person does not result in those feelings.

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And you know your marriage is toast when sex with your partner - when it happens and regardless of quality - feels like case #2.

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post #150 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:17 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

If we could change perceptions, I'd agree, but it can be difficult. I think for some people interest in sex is a pretty basic part of their personality.

In my case, in my marriage, there already are basically none of the problems you mention below.

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OR,--to bring this topic full circle-- if we changed our perceptions...



Part of the appeal of an affair is that the affair partners focus on each other. No kids fighting, no diapers to change, no pets to care for, no bills to worry about (with the affair partner, that is), no in-laws. None of those everyday "distractions" of married life.
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