HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality - Page 12 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #166 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

Uhtred,

Totally agree with this.

The notion that the HD spouse must be deficient somehow - is simply not true.



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If we could change perceptions, I'd agree, but it can be difficult. I think for some people interest in sex is a pretty basic part of their personality.

In my case, in my marriage, there already are basically none of the problems you mention below.
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post #167 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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Uhtred,

Totally agree with this.

The notion that the HD spouse must be deficient somehow - is simply not true.
And the notion that the LD spouse must be deficient somehow - is simply not true, either.
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post #168 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:24 PM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

Its possible that neither the LD or HD are deficient, that one or the other is, or that both are.

Lots of different situations.
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post #169 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

I think that we're forgetting that HD and LD is also often dependent on the level physical attraction. Take two HD people, put them together, and there is a good chance that one of the HD's would become an LD in that new relationship.
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post #170 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

Of course that is true.

Because ultimately time and tide take their toll on all of us. In the final stretch everyone is low drive.

As for the folks who get there a lot earlier than their partners, it is sort of like any other challenge.

Being low or high drive has no polarity to it. No good or bad. It just 'is'.



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And the notion that the LD spouse must be deficient somehow - is simply not true, either.
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post #171 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

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This is what is so intensely frustrating. There are women here who are passionate and adventurous but who are paired with men who are selfish lovers on the rare occasions where they want sex at all. There are men who are romantic and loving, and who are happy to do anything their partner could as for in bed paired with women who have no interest.

It just seems that so many people could be so much happier if we could all just get the right partners.
I'm convinced that this happens because the two are drawn to each other (regardless of gender).

Givers are attracted to takers (givers need someone to give things to).

Takers are attracted to givers (takers want people to give them stuff).

Ideally, givers should be looking for givers but I don't think it works that way.
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post #172 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

It may not be that givers are attracted to takers, but that takers identify and snap up givers when they find them.



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I'm convinced that this happens because the two are drawn to each other (regardless of gender).

Givers are attracted to takers (givers need someone to give things to).

Takers are attracted to givers (takers want people to give them stuff).

Ideally, givers should be looking for givers but I don't think it works that way.
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post #173 of 173 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 10:14 AM
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Re: HD vs. LD - Perception vs. Reality

I think it works both ways. Givers like dealing with Takers, because Givers get a big reward from being appreciated and many Givers are not good at taking. So when a Giver is with a Giver, there is a tension. Both want to give and neither wants to take. So neither feels appreciated for what they are giving. And both feel uncomfortable taking as much as their partner wants to give. Takers, on the other hand, are very appreciative of giving and allow their Giver partner to feel very fulfilled. At first. The problem comes later when the Giver feel empty and dares to make a request for some reciprocation. That is when the Taker shows their true colors. By that time, the Giver is invested in the relationship and doesn't want to dump the Taker for being selfish. Givers are not comfortable labeling their partner as selfish. And Givers tend not to be good at boundaries or taking decisive action to protect themselves.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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