When I first met my husband his drive was much higher than my own and his experience vastly outweighed mine. It was intimidating to be honest, but I fell hard and fast (no pun intended) for him. I was quite shy and more reserved sexually and the word "prude" had been used to describe me before. I honestly just accepted that I'm LD and my husband was HD and he would always be frustrated with me. But boyyyyy was I wrong. Once I learned some new tricks and felt reassured by my husband that he's crazy about me, I honestly WORKED HARD on raising my drive. We were so mismatched before, thinking back I can imagine how hard it must have been for him (again no pun intended). But his happiness was important to me. I went from a sexual noob who fumbled her way through it and felt like a fool doing so, to a confident lover who's pretty much his sex slave. Now ten years later we are both HD people and we are intimate pretty much daily (kids and life can interfere) and NOTHING (except other people) is out of bounds.
I firmly believe people can alter their drives AND their likes. Often either one or both of these things can cause marital or LTR turmoil. Look at me, I went from LD my whole adult life with zero interest in anything other than vanilla sex, who though BJ's were "grosse" *prude alert* to a woman with a VERY VERY VERY high drive that LOVES to experiment and cannot get enough of my husband in any way I can have him.
LD's I'm telling you, you are missing out! I know, trust me!
Once that whole drive mismatch is taken care of, tensions lower and you no longer bicker as much, there isn't as much hurt feelings/feelings of neglect or under appreciation, your whole relationship can improve greatly!
I definitely agree with your post, probably because in many ways it does relate to my marriage. My W is somewhere in the "lower" drive, but more towards responsive desire (always ready and willing to go ... as long as I am the one making the effort to initiate).
The interesting thing, my W will be the first one to acknowledge how much better our relationship is when we have an active sex life. It is clear she is happier, in a better mood, etc... So this begs the question, if she realizes this, why does she make very little effort to help maintain our sex life (i.e. it is just as likely we go a month or longer without sex as it is us having sex multiple times in a month)? I think in part, it requires work (i.e. between working long hours, raising a young family , etc...). Waiting for the "right time" is not the best approach, especially given our situation (her perception is that, "ok, maybe tomorrow it will work out", and then tomorrow comes and goes, rinse and repeat).
So this got me thinking, and I think this relates more to a couple where they are in an otherwise healthy relationship (aside from a drive mismatch). I actually saw another member here post something similar. I think between an HD person and LD person, there might be a different mindset. The HD person will look for reasons why they should
have sex, whereas the LD person will look for reasons why they shouldn't
have sex. So in the case of my W, she definitely likes the idea of having more frequent sex, but falls back frequently on the reasons why we can't at that point (i.e. kids, etc...). I am the opposite where I see the challenges we face managing work, family life, etc.. and instead look for ways to work around it (trying to schedule days off when the kids are in school. early morning sex, etc...).