One thing I have encountered as being a higher drive person:
- The notion that if you want sex it must be because you are a walking hornball. There are plenty of times I want to have sex with my W not because I am rockin a ragin woody, but more because I crave the intimacy/closeness/connection. I think at times an LD person is unable to differentiate
this, that there is more to sex then just trying to get your rocks off.
First of all, I want to say that I am THRILLED that you started this thread! I'm hoping we can all learn a lot from it
What I've bolded is very true. But there are reasons the LD thinks this about HD's. You wrote that there are "plenty of times" that you wanted sex because you were craving intimacy/closeness/connection. But that means that there are also probably "plenty of times" that you ARE just 'rockin' a ragin woody' trying to get your rocks off. And there isn't a reliable way for the LD to differentiate.
Look at it this way: If you found yourself suddenly unmarried, would you suddenly become LD? Probably not. Would you be seeking out sex because you wanted the intimacy or because you were horny? To some LD's it would seem like you're trying to have it both ways, and expecting the LD to 'know' the difference.
On the other side, I can say being a HD person, making the mistake of assuming that if you try hard enough, that should be enough to make an LD person less "LD
ConanHub wrote something in the 'Relationships and Spirituality" forum the other day that I thought was absolutely brilliant
and is quite applicable to this thread. He wrote:
People are not hardwired LD or HD. People are malleable and can alter their sexual appetites and drive by working on it. ... I'm not talking theoretically at all. I know several people personally that have altered their appetites and drives.
Believe me, when I read this, I was shouting at the computer, "Yes! YES!! YEEEEEEEE-EEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!"
But if we're not hardwired to be either HD or LD, why do we hear more success stories of the LD bringing 'up' their libido than the HD reducing theirs?