I want to fix this so bad, it's killing me knowing I've caused her so much pain.
I hope she reads this. I found this site on her phone.
Ummm... a little passive aggressive don't you think?
You stole her phone, invaded her privacy, and you are now invading perhaps one space where she was struggling with self help and to try to improve your marriage.
Well, that is not completely a bad thing, because for those of us on this forum trying to help others, RARELY does the other party chime in. You'll get some help alright. Probably NOT what you want to hear, and probably what your wife has already been struggling to tell you. Be patient and try to listen. Perhaps some of the ladies here will chime in and help point you in the right direction.
In the meantime I would advise you to stop wanting her to want you. Simply share with her that you want her, and be easy to please. If she is in pain and does not want intercourse, then allow her the chance to just give you a HJ or something simple. If not that, then just ask her for a back rub to help you cool down. Show her how to reject the idea of sex in a way that will not hurt you, and in a way that still makes you feel loved.
When she is ready, don't force her to enjoy herself if she has trouble, just appreciate that she is trying.
Hope that helps,