Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 08:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

Yeah, there was feelings but no emotional affair. I have not seen/ talked to this person and probably will never cross paths with him ever again. I only think I'm now fantasizing about someone else bc I no longer have "it" in my relationship. I literally have to dress up as someone I am not in order to get my husband interested. He just won't have sex or get aroused if I'm not dressed up. Mind you, this is scandalous attire. I am not one to walk around in my pajamas day to day. I dress nicely, wear heals. I take good care of myself. I am physically fit. I run almost every other day. I don't feel like there is anything else I can do in that arena but get a boob job. Haha.
So yeah, at this point I will continue on with therapy myself and suggest a sex therapist for the two of us. He says I am "not understanding" it's a physical issue for him. Believe me, I understand how the body works and what causes LD. I am in the medical field. However, I don't think dresssing up as a porn star to get someone excited is the answer. It certainly is making me feel like I am unwanted and I am becoming very self conscious I am not good enough as "just me".
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post #32 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 08:49 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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I have nothing from the OP post to back it up?

Please read it again:


The beginnings of an emotional affair.

No offense OP.
Or perhaps this has made her realize how deeply she feels about being treated badly by her husband. A person cannot help feelings. They simple are. What is important is how she responds to those feelings.

From what she has said, they have made her realize that her needs are not being met in her marriage. Her response is that she wants to get her husband to go to a sex therapist with her to try to fix the problems with their sex life. I'd say that's a very healthy response.
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post #33 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

In the long run for your own peace of mind you you will have to divorce him. It just comes down to what price you're prepared to pay for staying or leaving.
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post #34 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 09:22 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

Sorry you are here.

Many good women have blazed this path before you. Look, you tried and it did not work out.

Yes, this the correct approach. Divorce first, then seek out other men.

Do not marry a man because the sex with him is good.

Marry a man because he is good and he is good at sex.

Better yet, marry a man that you are very compatible with, he is good and the sex with him is good.

Take your time........no hurry necessary.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #35 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 09:23 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Yeah, there was feelings but no emotional affair. I have not seen/ talked to this person and probably will never cross paths with him ever again. I only think I'm now fantasizing about someone else bc I no longer have "it" in my relationship. I literally have to dress up as someone I am not in order to get my husband interested. He just won't have sex or get aroused if I'm not dressed up. Mind you, this is scandalous attire. I am not one to walk around in my pajamas day to day. I dress nicely, wear heals. I take good care of myself. I am physically fit. I run almost every other day. I don't feel like there is anything else I can do in that arena but get a boob job. Haha.
So yeah, at this point I will continue on with therapy myself and suggest a sex therapist for the two of us. He says I am "not understanding" it's a physical issue for him. Believe me, I understand how the body works and what causes LD. I am in the medical field. However, I don't think dresssing up as a porn star to get someone excited is the answer. It certainly is making me feel like I am unwanted and I am becoming very self conscious I am not good enough as "just me".
Really? But you do it for him right? Why don't you just refuse?

I have to say, I'm literally dumb founded that you are thinking of divorce over such a small issue such a this. Maybe I am missing something.

I'm not saying you don't have a right for it to not bother you. You do. You and your husband (or just you alone), should seek therapy over it. Yes, your husband needs help with the porn and his low sex drive.

But to base whether you're going to stay in a marriage because your husband needs you to dress up sexy before sex? I'm really astonished.
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post #36 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 09:33 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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So his LD was really from his porn addiction. Makes sense.

There is nothing wrong dressing up sexy to seduce your hubby. Try cosplay.

Men are 'very' visual. If we see a hot woman, dressed all sexy, that immediately turns us on.

Why do you think women dress sexy, high heels, makeup, showing their breasts, bum, feet, etc.? Us guys are visual, we notice and get turned on.

It's called spicing it up. Nothing wrong with this.


If you continue to dress sexy for him, some cosplay, would that get him off porn and more into you?


Express your fantasies to him. Maybe he dresses up as a fireman? Or police office? Or male stripper?

I agree partially with what you are saying but in this case the dressing up is destroying her soul and she is asking why is she not acceptable to him as she is, a natural woman. She is not the one with the problem, he is and this will destroy her. Dressing up occassionally is fine but not all the time. This is not working for her and he hasn't stopped to think about what it is doing to her. This does not make for a mutually satisfying sexual experience.

He needs some professional help and she needs to think about whether she wants to stay or not.
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post #37 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 09:46 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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I agree partially with what you are saying but in this case the dressing up is destroying her soul and she is asking why is she not acceptable to him as she is, a natural woman. She is not the one with the problem, he is and this will destroy her. Dressing up occassionally is fine but not all the time. This is not working for her and he hasn't stopped to think about what it is doing to her. This does not make for a mutually satisfying sexual experience.

He needs some professional help and she needs to think about whether she wants to stay or not.

If Mrs.CuddleBug came to me right now, one of my fantasies is you dress up as a fireman.......you know what? I WOULD DO IT!!!

I wouldn't feel that dressing up before sex is a bad thing at all. I would see it as a fun spicy thing and the more the merrier.

Would I feel soul crushed? NO.

We can stop doing this when we're old.

If I told Mrs.CuddeBug, I just want to have sex with you natural, nothing special.......BORING, SNORE......would get old fast.

You're only young once and why throw it away on mediocre, boring, natural? Why not spice it up as much as possible? I would love this.

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post #38 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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If Mrs.CuddleBug came to me right now, one of my fantasies is you dress up as a fireman.......you know what? I WOULD DO IT!!!

I wouldn't feel that dressing up before sex is a bad thing at all. I would see it as a fun spicy thing and the more the merrier.

Would I feel soul crushed? NO.

We can stop doing this when we're old.

If I told Mrs.CuddeBug, I just want to have sex with you natural, nothing special.......BORING, SNORE......would get old fast.

You're only young once and why throw it away on mediocre, boring, natural? Why not spice it up as much as possible? I would love this.
Cuddle bug,
I do not think dressing up is a bad thing. I. Fact it can be fun and exciting. However, I have been at a point in my marriage for the past 5 years where my husband literally doesn't want to have sex with ME unless I'm dressed up to the nines as someone I am not. So really, there is a deeper issue here. He says he needs this in order to get excited everytime. He complains if I look upset about it or comment about him not liking me for who I am. He says I'm not understanding of his "needs". I'm sick of his needs I have catered to his needs for 5 years all while sacrificing my own happiness. Idk when the last time was that he asked me what I wanted on the bedroom or if I wanted him to do anything special.
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post #39 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:08 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Cuddle bug,
I do not think dressing up is a bad thing. I. Fact it can be fun and exciting. However, I have been at a point in my marriage for the past 5 years where my husband literally doesn't want to have sex with ME unless I'm dressed up to the nines as someone I am not. So really, there is a deeper issue here. He says he needs this in order to get excited everytime. He complains if I look upset about it or comment about him not liking me for who I am. He says I'm not understanding of his "needs". I'm sick of his needs I have catered to his needs for 5 years all while sacrificing my own happiness. Idk when the last time was that he asked me what I wanted on the bedroom or if I wanted him to do anything special.


If I could, I would hook you up with a good man, that isn't into porn, has a normal sex drive and is happy with you just the way you are.

I wish I could for you.


Most common issue is sexual mismatch.

Have you tried the 5 love languages quiz?

Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages®

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #40 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:13 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Most common issue is sexual mismatch.
Sexual mismatch is only an issue for people who choose not to end their sexually mismatched relationships.
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post #41 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:16 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Sexual mismatch is only an issue for people who choose not to end their sexually mismatched relationships.
What would happen to TAM is there were no sexual mismatches? Gone.

I wouldn't of come here.

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post #42 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:17 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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If Mrs.CuddleBug came to me right now, one of my fantasies is you dress up as a fireman.......you know what? I WOULD DO IT!!!

I wouldn't feel that dressing up before sex is a bad thing at all. I would see it as a fun spicy thing and the more the merrier.

Would I feel soul crushed? NO.

We can stop doing this when we're old.

If I told Mrs.CuddeBug, I just want to have sex with you natural, nothing special.......BORING, SNORE......would get old fast.

You're only young once and why throw it away on mediocre, boring, natural? Why not spice it up as much as possible? I would love this.
Cuddle bug,
I do not think dressing up is a bad thing. I. Fact it can be fun and exciting. However, I have been at a point in my marriage for the past 5 years where my husband literally doesn't want to have sex with ME unless I'm dressed up to the nines as someone I am not. So really, there is a deeper issue here. He says he needs this in order to get excited everytime. He complains if I look upset about it or comment about him not liking me for who I am. He says I'm not understanding of his "needs". I'm sick of his needs I have catered to his needs for 5 years all while sacrificing my own happiness. Idk when the last time was that he asked me what I wanted on the bedroom or if I wanted him to do anything special.
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post #43 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:46 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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You see, sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's very good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good!
Couldn't disagree more.

Bad sex is like having to wade through mud in a rain storm only to end up with no hot water to shower with whenever you do finally dredge through it.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #44 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:52 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

Dear lord some of the men here!!!!

If your wife wanted you to dress up like a fireman that would be fine. What if the only time she had sex with you, during the course of a 5 year relationship was ONLY when you begged and only if you put on the fireman costume.

Leaving a husband who has no sexual desire for his wife is the right thing. This isn't a small thing, it isn't inconsequential, it isn't shallow or petty. It's soul crushing and no one should stay in this kind of marriage. Man or woman.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #45 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 11:55 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Couldn't disagree more.

Bad sex is like having to wade through mud in a rain storm only to end up with no hot water to shower with whenever you do finally dredge through it.
You're clean but miserable and royally pissed at person who failed to get the pilot light lit on the hot water heater!

No sex is better than bad sex.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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