Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex. - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 12:34 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

I think the dressing up is a side effect. The basic problem is that he doesn't enjoy pleasing her in bed. If he did, then he would be happy to have lovemaking sessions of the sort she wanted and I expect she would be happy to sometimes play to his fantasies.
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post #62 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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I called him boring, and called anyone else who only wanted it the same way every time boring...but my real problem with the OP's husband would be the same as the OP is having: he has no regard for what she needs or wants, he is stuck in his head in his fetish and it is ruining their intimacy because it isn't about her, it is about an old porn habit for him. GROSS.
Agreed! But aside from pointing out problems, what advice would you have about helping someone overcome a compulsive fetish?

I had some rather strange fetishes when I met my wife. I was obsessed with them somewhat. But today my fetishes of the past no longer interest me. Perhaps I may think about them just to see how I respond, but I would describe them as something that used to fascinate me, but now it is only mildly entertaining.

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post #63 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 01:46 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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I think the dressing up is a side effect. The basic problem is that he doesn't enjoy pleasing her in bed. If he did, then he would be happy to have lovemaking sessions of the sort she wanted and I expect she would be happy to sometimes play to his fantasies.
This, it seems, is what the OP feels about their sex life. I think it's a pretty valid assessment.
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post #64 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 01:52 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

Just an observation.............. the couple of men here that are basically saying she is the one with the problem and what is the big deal about dressing up every time are also men with dysfunctional sex lives, hmmmm.

OP it sounds like you have reached your limit and rightly so, what your husband wants is neither well balanced or flattering. A partner should make you feel truly wanted and desired or they run the risk of losing you. He has issues and unless he makes the decision to change his behaviour then this is it for the rest of your life. Don't waste your best years on a man that isn't worth it.

Dressing up is a lot of fun and so is sex, but a good healthy sex life is where both partners get their needs met and do not have to every day sacrifice their needs for the other. A good man is one that wants to devour his wife no matter what she is or isn't wearing, one that wants his hands all over you without you having to dress up.

For some perspective, MrH is mid 50's and wants me whether I am all sweaty after the gym or if I am dressed to the nines and wearing killer heels. We do role play, I have a big lingerie collection but it is about fun and those things are thrown in for variety. Would bore me stupid and feel insulting to have to dress up every night. I could not respect or keep my desire for a man/child like this.

Time for a serious talk with your husband, the rest of your sexual life is on the line here.
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post #65 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 03:35 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

My wife very often wears lingerie for me, but its done at her choice (I never ask), and I've many times let her know that I'm attracted to her with or without it - but that I appreciate her wanting to be attractive to me.
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post #66 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 01:06 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Agreed! But aside from pointing out problems, what advice would you have about helping someone overcome a compulsive fetish?
The only advice I have for any mismatch, is to force the topic, over and over, until you break through somehow and convince the other that you have one foot out the door and they are finally ready to hear and believe you and work on things.....or if that doesn't happen, walk.

If someone isn't ready to walk, then I suggest they focus entirely on themselves and give up trying to change their spouse. They may find that they can reach acceptance of the situation even if no changes occur. Or...they will come to a point where they ARE ready to walk and when that happens, see above.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #67 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:19 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

"Just an observation.............. the couple of men here that are basically saying she is the one with the problem and what is the big deal about dressing up every time are also men with dysfunctional sex lives, hmmmm."

Well, I wasn't going to say anything.

I think the OP should require her husband to chop a cord of wood while wearing a diaper so she can get aroused. Every damn time.

You come home from work; you prepare dinner; you shower; then, you have to go through all of this rigamarole of painting face & donning a costume while you're dog-tired. Um, no thanks. Next.
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post #68 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:53 AM Thread Starter
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"Just an observation.............. the couple of men here that are basically saying she is the one with the problem and what is the big deal about dressing up every time are also men with dysfunctional sex lives, hmmmm."

Well, I wasn't going to say anything.

I think the OP should require her husband to chop a cord of wood while wearing a diaper so she can get aroused. Every damn time.

You come home from work; you prepare dinner; you shower; then, you have to go through all of this rigamarole of painting face & donning a costume while you're dog-tired. Um, no thanks. Next.
Hahaha! Yep. That could be a very interesting trade.
Yeah, I carry a full time job, have a toddler. Pretty much that's exactly how it is. I'm dog tired and if I want any lovin there is an expectation I should then be dressing up to get him aroused. When I refuse or say no, he thinks I'm not "understanding" his needs for an extra something to get him stimulated. Fml.
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post #69 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:01 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Hi @Sunflower9119,

Okay are you serious? What man doesn't want his wife to dress up before sex? That's what makes it so much fun! It's a celebration of a wife's beauty to dress up before sex! What's wrong with that? I think it's normal and healthy! And you should bask in the beauty of who you are and enjoy it too!

Sure, I totally get you not wanting to dress up all the time. But be real! This is part of the sexual relationship and a beautiful part of it1 A woman's beauty is such a beautiful thing to celebrate. Unless he has you dressing up in some freak outfit that takes away from your dignity as a person, I really don't see the problem. I loved when my wife dressed in sexy outfits for me before sex. But those days are long gone and they're gone forever. And you want to talk about problems?



Might it be that you're just bored in your marriage and you're using this whole "dressing up for sex" thing as an excuse because you're really already bored with your husband and you want to be with the man you're already attracted to? Forgive me, but the statement above sounds to me like you're just using your husband's need for you to dress up as an excuse to end the marriage and go with the other man. I apologize if I am coming across as too judgemental here. But I have to be honest, it's what it sounds like to be. But what do I know?

And forgive me, but you saying "I may not have to dress up for this other human being sexually..." is just so transparent. Are you kidding me? You're not serious, are you? I mean, cry me a river! You can't be serious!

As for your husband's porn addiction, that's a problem with many men.

I hope I am not coming across as too judgemental here. I just see you as someone who has a good thing and is not grateful for what they have.

Are you for real StrongMan? if so, you are more obtuse that I thought! Her H wants a porn star before he can get it up, FFS! you think that is normal?
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post #70 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:12 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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The only advice I have for any mismatch, is to force the topic, over and over, until you break through somehow and convince the other that you have one foot out the door and they are finally ready to hear and believe you and work on things.....or if that doesn't happen, walk.

If someone isn't ready to walk, then I suggest they focus entirely on themselves and give up trying to change their spouse. They may find that they can reach acceptance of the situation even if no changes occur. Or...they will come to a point where they ARE ready to walk and when that happens, see above.
While that is great advice, if the OP were to focus just on herself, she admitted to finding the idea of another man that would NOT make her dress up to be something she fears would become too tempting for her. If one "gives up" trying to work on problems, that will add some distance in the relationship. Sometimes that distance can actually add stability to a relationship and actually help, but in her case there are things already starting to pull her away as soon as she lets go of what little she is hanging onto.

I do agree with some of the other posters that his "fetish" is not the only problem, but also that he seems selfish and unwilling to try and accommodate his wife's desires in the bedroom and do what ever it takes to make her feel loved.

If I were the OP, I would take all the lingerie and burn it so that there is nothing in the house for her to dress up for her husband. She should even go so far as to make him do it, or threaten to leave him. She needs to make it obvious that she will no longer tolerate his selfishness and that part of her marriage is DONE!
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post #71 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 01:55 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

asking you to dress up sexy is really not all that big of a deal. Unless he is implying that you are ugly and need to hide it with lingerie, why not go along for the ride.

But how about trying other things. Obviously he needs MORE than just standard PIV sex to get turned on. That has NOTHING to do with how sexy your body is, it is just a medical form of ED he has. In no particular order, have you tried:
1) tying him to a chair naked, then playing with various parts of his body teasing him, and finally sliding onto his lap to finish with PIV sex
2) various types of nipple stimulation, such as nipple clamps, leather crops, etc
3) Pegging him first before he can give you PIV sex
4) Put his penis in a chastity cage, and only unlocking it when YOU are ready for PIV sex

and so on. In other words, OVERLOAD his kinky mind with new types of kink, and see if you find something where YOU are in control that turns him on enough to be able to have PIV sex.
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post #72 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 02:05 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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asking you to dress up sexy is really not all that big of a deal. Unless he is implying that you are ugly and need to hide it with lingerie, why not go along for the ride.

But how about trying other things. Obviously he needs MORE than just standard PIV sex to get turned on. That has NOTHING to do with how sexy your body is, it is just a medical form of ED he has. In no particular order, have you tried:
1) tying him to a chair naked, then playing with various parts of his body teasing him, and finally sliding onto his lap to finish with PIV sex
2) various types of nipple stimulation, such as nipple clamps, leather crops, etc
3) Pegging him first before he can give you PIV sex
4) Put his penis in a chastity cage, and only unlocking it when YOU are ready for PIV sex

and so on. In other words, OVERLOAD his kinky mind with new types of kink, and see if you find something where YOU are in control that turns him on enough to be able to have PIV sex.
Unless, you work a full time job and then come home and chase a toddler around, feed her & tuck her into bed and then go about your other chores for the evening before you can even think of taking a shower let alone play Debbie Does Dallas. And, it isn't 'medical'. It is psychological.
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post #73 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 02:33 PM Thread Starter
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asking you to dress up sexy is really not all that big of a deal. Unless he is implying that you are ugly and need to hide it with lingerie, why not go along for the ride.

But how about trying other things. Obviously he needs MORE than just standard PIV sex to get turned on. That has NOTHING to do with how sexy your body is, it is just a medical form of ED he has. In no particular order, have you tried:
1) tying him to a chair naked, then playing with various parts of his body teasing him, and finally sliding onto his lap to finish with PIV sex
2) various types of nipple stimulation, such as nipple clamps, leather crops, etc
3) Pegging him first before he can give you PIV sex
4) Put his penis in a chastity cage, and only unlocking it when YOU are ready for PIV sex

and so on. In other words, OVERLOAD his kinky mind with new types of kink, and see if you find something where YOU are in control that turns him on enough to be able to have PIV sex.
Oh my. This is a lot after a long day. This is just feeding into the issue and also working to please him. I consider myself to be pretty open, but this may be a bit much for me when I'm looking for some love and romance.
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post #74 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 02:42 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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For some perspective, MrH is mid 50's and wants me whether I am all sweaty after the gym or if I am dressed to the nines and wearing killer heels. We do role play, I have a big lingerie collection but it is about fun and those things are thrown in for variety. Would bore me stupid and feel insulting to have to dress up every night. I could not respect or keep my desire for a man/child like this.

Time for a serious talk with your husband, the rest of your sexual life is on the line here.
Now THAT is what sounds 'normal' to me. Would I like her to pull out some of those skimpy/lacy outfits that haven't left the drawer for 15 years - sure, but it isn't necessary...
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post #75 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 02:52 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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asking you to dress up sexy is really not all that big of a deal. Unless he is implying that you are ugly and need to hide it with lingerie, why not go along for the ride.



But how about trying other things. Obviously he needs MORE than just standard PIV sex to get turned on. That has NOTHING to do with how sexy your body is, it is just a medical form of ED he has. In no particular order, have you tried:

1) tying him to a chair naked, then playing with various parts of his body teasing him, and finally sliding onto his lap to finish with PIV sex

2) various types of nipple stimulation, such as nipple clamps, leather crops, etc

3) Pegging him first before he can give you PIV sex

4) Put his penis in a chastity cage, and only unlocking it when YOU are ready for PIV sex



and so on. In other words, OVERLOAD his kinky mind with new types of kink, and see if you find something where YOU are in control that turns him on enough to be able to have PIV sex.


I'm sorry but this is very irresponsible "advice." He is a porn addict and this further fuels it. Please don't make her feel like she is responsible for him in this manner.


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