Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex. - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #76 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

@Sunflower9119

I got it! You say he likes you to dress up? Return the favor and make him dress up to for you! Take him to a tailor and have him fitted for a nice suite, and demand he take you our for a nice dinner!



French cuffs and everything, and give him endless crap if his shoes are not perfectly shined!!!!

Cheers,
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post #77 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 03:41 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

Isn't that going to get a little expensive every time she wants to have sex? Not to mention kinda hard to pull off after work.
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post #78 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Isn't that going to get a little expensive every time she wants to have sex? Not to mention kinda hard to pull off after work.
No one said anything about requiring NEW role play costumes each time!
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post #79 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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No one said anything about requiring NEW role play costumes each time!
Even better if she pulls an old suite of his out of the closet that really is too small, and forces him to take her out on the town while he is dressed up in it!!!!

Make him lean down and help you tie your shoes while his shoulders feel like sardines packed way to tight in a can!
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post #80 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Even better if she pulls an old suite of his out of the closet that really is too small, and forces him to take her out on the town while he is dressed up in it!!!!



Make him lean down and help you tie your shoes while his shoulders feel like sardines packed way to tight in a can!


OMG! Haha


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post #81 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 05:48 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

HI
Get into see a marital therapist and a sex therapist. You both get in touch with New-Life Live. In Chicago it is on WYLL AM 1160. New Life is hosted by pastors,psychiatrists, and psychologist. The work with issues such as yours. Get to their every man's battle and every woman's battle. This is what happens in porn. Masturbating and he is focusing and fantasizing on the woman he watching getting sex. This gets imprinted in his head just like a animal gets fixated on the first living thing it sees and thinks it is it's mother. A duck thinking a dog is it's mother. While he ejaculates oxytocin, the closeness hormone, is secreted in his blood stream and he is hooked, turned on by it more than seeing you naked and romancing him; hence, the low libido. Just picture heroin hitting the pleasure sensor in the brain. Just one try with heroin he is hooked. The pleasure center overrides the brains time management and urge process so badly one becomes an addict almost immediately. Over-time it is the same for porn becoming an addiction. Some proponents say it is o.k. once in a while for couples to spice thing up, but some don't.

Since he is a visual person he likes to see you dress up. I hope with the normal Victoria Secret stuff, buy I prefer the sexy items from Sonoma, JC penney, macies. Doesn't have to be a super, duper lacy, just pretty, colorful, a little frilly, us guys are visual. You need to force the issue and most likely need to set up a program that you have sex regularly to reset his libido to you. He needs to do his part with chores, listening to your needs and treat you as a loving partner with affection. He needs admiration and sex, you need emotional love to get interested in sex. The therapists will help you with this.

Read everything and listed to all the audio books on CD's by John Gottman Ph.D from the year 2000 on. It goes into everything you need to survive almost issues. He also has retreats that deal with relationships issues of all kinds. I am 52 and got diabetes, mid-life crisis form losing a career and financial issues, and not giving eacch other what we need emotionally.I am getting a mutual divorce for these reason. I lost my mojo and I miss the closeness and making love. One thing that dropped is feeling admired, sexy, and ambition to romance. I have to try, do it, go through the motions with more touching, talking, massaging, getting enough sleep, and not working 7 days a week. Best thing to do is to become supportive, loving, understanding, patient, forgiving, and don't bail emotionally. Put the emotion into your husband and he too for you to communicate on an emotional level, more so than ever.... Try.. Good luck!

Make arrangements to do the above to help, both of you need to do it... Have sex willingly if in mood and often, but make bids and mention what you want to feel loved, help him out. Nobody is a mind reader. On the sexual level, I am not no counselor or endocrinologist, but from what I read you may get a head start to reset his oxytocin imprint clock. By the way... find all porn and discard it. Block all cellphones, T.V. streaming services, and your computer, and tablets from porn. They sell the programs for all these items. Watch him like a hawk and limit his chances for viewing... He can only break the habbit if he wants to. Try to salvage to the point you cant' tolerate no change in behavior or libido, then try once more time just a bit longer. If they has not been a correction and improvement in all areas of your relationship you did your best and nobody would fault anyone for leaving. Men or woman alike. Good luck.
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post #82 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:08 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
No one said anything about requiring NEW role play costumes each time!
Even better if she pulls an old suite of his out of the closet that really is too small, and forces him to take her out on the town while he is dressed up in it!!!!

Make him lean down and help you tie your shoes while his shoulders feel like sardines packed way to tight in a can!
lmao this is great. I may just suggest this to see what kind of response I will get. Hahaha
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post #83 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:13 PM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

Has he been tested for low T?
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post #84 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:29 PM Thread Starter
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Has he been tested for low T?
Yes, he has been tested. Levels were low like 6 years ago. Slightly lower then normal. Nothing major. Then he went on clomid. His levels have been at a normal range for 3 years or slightly above even. He has been to an endocrinologist. No other issues found w hormones. I think it's really psychological. I think my husband really loves women in pornographic form. It's what arouses him. He doesn't watch porn. He says his overall interest is low for sex that's why he needs me to entice him in some get up in order to get excited.
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post #85 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 12:44 AM
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Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

I want my W to always dress sexy for me before sex. It's visual foreplay and increases my desire and sexual enjoyment. This is completely normal

Of course she doesn't do this much of the time but then I have to fantasize of other women or sexually stimulating things to get aroused. I hate that but recognize it's necessary and she's not willing to always put in the effort. And BTW I always make myself as attractive, clean and nice as possible (there are limitations unfortunately )

I am very visual sexually. Many women are aroused by reading female porn - romance novels.

Suggesting your H is somehow defective or you're "not enough" to me means you're not taking the time to understand accept his needs, and also twisting his Needs into something to make yourself feel bad.

He may appear LD simply because you show an unwillingness to meet his needs, or somehow shame him for them


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post #86 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 03:18 AM Thread Starter
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I want my W to always dress sexy for me before sex. It's visual foreplay and increases my desire and sexual enjoyment. This is completely normal

Of course she doesn't do this much of the time but then I have to fantasize of other women or sexually stimulating things to get aroused. I hate that but recognize it's necessary and she's not willing to always put in the effort. And BTW I always make myself as attractive, clean and nice as possible (there are limitations unfortunately )

I am very visual sexually. Many women are aroused by reading female porn - romance novels.

Suggesting your H is somehow defective or you're "not enough" to me means you're not taking the time to understand accept his needs, and also twisting his Needs into something to make yourself feel bad.

He may appear LD simply because you show an unwillingness to meet his needs, or somehow shame him for them


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no, this is not normal. It's also not an issue of shaming him or not needing his needs. It's an issue of him never meeting my needs or thinking of them too. Marriage is a two way street, bud. Its sad u have to think of other women as well in order to get aroused. A lot of men out there have a normal, healthy outlook on sex. They don't have to think of other woman or make their lady dress up in order to feel passionate about touching her.
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post #87 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:50 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
@Sunflower9119

I got it! You say he likes you to dress up? Return the favor and make him dress up to for you! Take him to a tailor and have him fitted for a nice suite, and demand he take you our for a nice dinner!



French cuffs and everything, and give him endless crap if his shoes are not perfectly shined!!!!

Cheers,
Badsanta
Oh my I have such a thing for suits, French Cuffs, Cufflinks Yay for me that MrH wears suit, tie, French Cuffs most work days. He has a Cufflink collection to be proud of.
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post #88 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:31 AM
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Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Originally Posted by Sunflower9119 View Post
no, this is not normal. It's also not an issue of shaming him or not needing his needs. It's an issue of him never meeting my needs or thinking of them too. Marriage is a two way street, bud. Its sad u have to think of other women as well in order to get aroused. A lot of men out there have a normal, healthy outlook on sex. They don't have to think of other woman or make their lady dress up in order to feel passionate about touching her.


Sorry but I don't think you have a very realistic view of how men think.

Why do you think sexuality is EVERYWHERE? Like on billboards, magazines, movies, TV shows, books, store windows. Sex sells, that's why. Even Disney movies have very sexualized characters and scenes.

Many people have healthy, monogamous views of sexuality, and enjoy looking at the opposite sex.

I didn't address his meeting or not meeting your needs because that's a completely separate topic and has nothing to do with normal views of sexuality.

Btw last night I went to bed... was just tired and not really interested in sex, but saw my lovely bride in her T shirt and panties and liked what I saw. Dressing up can mean anything one finds sexy...


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post #89 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:43 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Sorry but I don't think you have a very realistic view of how men think.

Why do you think sexuality is EVERYWHERE? Like on billboards, magazines, movies, TV shows, books, store windows. Sex sells, that's why. Even Disney movies have very sexualized characters and scenes.

Many people have healthy, monogamous views of sexuality, and enjoy looking at the opposite sex.

I didn't address his meeting or not meeting your needs because that's a completely separate topic and has nothing to do with normal views of sexuality.

Btw last night I went to bed... was just tired and not really interested in sex, but saw my lovely bride in her T shirt and panties and liked what I saw. Dressing up can mean anything one finds sexy...


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There is a difference between "liking what you see" and dictating what another person should wear before you can ever like what you see.

Yes, sex sells. No doubt. But if my husband is trying to turn me into a billboard or a Disney character, he's with the wrong person.
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post #90 of 101 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Husband always wants me to dress up for him to have sex.

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Even better if she pulls an old suite of his out of the closet that really is too small, and forces him to take her out on the town while he is dressed up in it!!!!

Make him lean down and help you tie your shoes while his shoulders feel like sardines packed way to tight in a can!
I'm getting the impression that an actual equivalent would be to give him a leopard spot thong and a dog collar and lead him around on a leash.

But maybe I'm exaggerating.
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