Normal Sex after Porn Addiction - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: Normal Sex after Porn Addiction

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Originally Posted by hifromme67 View Post
Obviously you know nothing about porn addiction and the long-term damage it causes. Me being uncomfortable with him seeing me naked has nothing to do with holding it against him. Also, forgiveness has absolutely nothing about how it makes me feel. I can forgive him but it is still going to take a very long time for my self-esteen to recover. Please get your facts straight before coming on my post and telling me what I am doing wrong.
@hifromme67

Before allowing the opinions and suggestions of others offend you in any way, be mindful that everyone here likely struggles with their own set of problems and is probably hurting as much and if not more than you.

@JustAnotherMan gave advice that may very well resonate with your husband. Everything your husband is doing for you at the moment may be out of seeking your forgiveness and attempting to reconcile the situation. He may very well view therapy as a form of punishment you are subjecting him to. He may be shutting down communication because he feels you are ramping up your anger and punishment towards him. He may continue to put up barriers as a way to protect you from himself.

If you want some advice, when something makes you upset, take a moment and try to look at it from a different perspective. You might learn something.

Last edited by badsanta; 02-09-2017 at 04:24 PM.
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post #62 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Normal Sex after Porn Addiction

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@hifromme67



Before allowing the opinions and suggestions of others offend you in any way, be mindful that everyone here likely struggles with their own set of problems and is probably hurting as much and if not more than you.



@JustAnotherMan gave advice that may very well resonate with your husband. Everything your husband is doing for you at the moment may be out of seeking your forgiveness and attempting to reconcile the situation. He may very well view therapy as a form of punishment you are subjecting him to. He may be shutting down communication because he feels you are ramping up your anger and punishment towards him. He may continue to put up barriers as a way to protect you from himself.



If you want some advice, when something makes you upset, take a moment and try to look at it from a different perspective. You might learn something.


I am all for advice, that is why I am here. I just didn't like he was implying I was holding it against my husband had anything to do with me being uncomfortable. And the fact that forgiving my husband would immediately rid me of those feelings. They are not one in the same. Forgiving him and healing from the damage are two different things and run at a different pace. I continue to enjoy everyone's advice.


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post #63 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: Normal Sex after Porn Addiction

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Originally Posted by hifromme67 View Post
I am all for advice, that is why I am here. I just didn't like he was implying I was holding it against my husband had anything to do with me being uncomfortable. And the fact that forgiving my husband would immediately rid me of those feelings. They are not one in the same. Forgiving him and healing from the damage are two different things and run at a different pace. I continue to enjoy everyone's advice.
Just out of curiosity, have you found in yourself to actually tell your husband you forgive him? Or do you feel forgiving him would minimize the consequences he would perceive if he were tempted to look at porn again?

I'll be honest and say, I don't think my wife ever forgave me. If anything she admitted that is was not the worst thing I could have done and she decided to just stop being so upset about it. I think this also corresponded to her seeing her own siblings and close friends all dealing with much bigger and more damaging problems in their marriages than anything that could ever compare to porn.

Imagine finding out your husband might be a grandpa already, but he swears it is not true even though your jaw drops and it obviously is true! Not to mention the fact that he completely disowned his own daughter for her entire life.
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post #64 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 12:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Normal Sex after Porn Addiction

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Just out of curiosity, have you found in yourself to actually tell your husband you forgive him? Or do you feel forgiving him would minimize the consequences he would perceive if he were tempted to look at porn again?



I'll be honest and say, I don't think my wife ever forgave me. If anything she admitted that is was not the worst thing I could have done and she decided to just stop being so upset about it. I think this also corresponded to her seeing her own siblings and close friends all dealing with much bigger and more damaging problems in their marriages than anything that could ever compare to porn.



Imagine finding out your husband might be a grandpa already, but he swears it is not true even though your jaw drops and it obviously is true! Not to mention the fact that he completely disowned his own daughter for her entire life.


I don't think I have forgiven him and I don't think I am ready. The therapist said that takes time and nobody can rush that. I don't dwell on it all the time and I don't yell at him for the porn daily. I struggle with how it has affected me, our marriage, etc but not angry about it daily. Someday perhaps I will be able to forgive him or maybe someday I will figure out I can't and need to walk away. Either way, I will know when that time comes.

I didn't understand your analogy about the grandfather?


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post #65 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: Normal Sex after Porn Addiction

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Originally Posted by hifromme67 View Post
I don't think I have forgiven him and I don't think I am ready. The therapist said that takes time and nobody can rush that. I don't dwell on it all the time and I don't yell at him for the porn daily. I struggle with how it has affected me, our marriage, etc but not angry about it daily. Someday perhaps I will be able to forgive him or maybe someday I will figure out I can't and need to walk away. Either way, I will know when that time comes.

I didn't understand your analogy about the grandfather?


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The analogy about the grandfather was a bizarre hypothetical situation to illustrate there are mistakes in life that one can make that are much worse than porn.

Regarding forgiveness and porn and feeling as though you may just decide you can't deal with that anymore and just need to walk away from your husband...

...If by chance you want your husband to chase after you, don't walk away. Instead, give your husband a head start, but then just stand there and see how far he goes!

(a positive joke to try and get you to smile!)

Cheers,
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