Preparing myself for a threesome - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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Dear Best of both worlds;

I think you have gotten lots of good advice. The most important is to not do the 3-some or if you do to be very careful.

I think some women (and men) who have tried this or thought about it carefully, have given great advice.

Never having done a 3-some, I will give you advice from my perspective. It is contained in something I posted recently that seemed right from a TED talk I had seen long ago.

How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Be very careful and my advice would be if you and your H are h#ll bent on doing this, move into it very, very slowly in small steps to make sure you don't find that you have crossed a boundary that destroys you marriage. The author of the TED talk suggests "thoughts without actions," "words without actions," and even "actions without actual technical violation of wedding vows."

If it were me, I would opt for role playing and not risk loosing a good relationship, but you and your H get to make that decision.

I suspect that if you were to sit down and do some real introspection you might want to ask yourself why do YOU want to have the 3 some? What is it that you hope to achieve turning this fantasy into a real experience? You said that you are bisexual, but married. I am heterosexual, but married. Even though I am heterosexual, I don't want my sex to be with anyone but my spouse. You want to explore your bisexuality, even though you are married.

You need to ask yourself what does marriage mean to you and what does it mean for your husband? If marriage is about children, finances, and social position to both of you then, having a little on the side probably isn't too big a deal. Really understand what marriage means to the both of you. What are your boundaries?


What is it that you hope to get out of your threesome?

What do you want your H to get out of it? Seriously, what is it that you want him to experience and is there any other way that you can provide that to him in the context of your marriage? Or is it that there is something about his participating in a 3 some that you want for yourself?

Perhaps it is that you don't want to feel guilty in cheating on him and if he is there cheating on you at the same time it will morally cancel out? Two wrongs don't make a right.

That is why if you and your H are into this, I suggest you follow the advice from the TED talk of Monogomy 2.0 and go to a strip club, call a phone sex operator, or figure out a role play that will allow you to mentally explore your fantasy without turning it into reality. Maybe you can convince your H to get a wig, some fake breasts, a dress and be your "other girlfriend for a night." That is probably not what you really want.

You probably want to have it all, your husband and a bisexual lover on the side. If that is truly what you want, then make sure you truly know what you can give each and the limits of your ability to love two people at the same time and which of the two will be your priority when there is a conflict.

Good luck.
This is a wise post.
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post #32 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:21 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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post #33 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

While technically the opposite of your question MMF and not FFM

This humorously shows how sideway this could go.

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post #34 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 08:07 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Did we scare her off?☹️
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post #35 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 08:53 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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Did we scare her off?☹️


Ya think?


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post #36 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 09:04 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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Ya think?


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post #37 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 10:38 PM Thread Starter
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I'm still here, just busy with work and being a mother and wife lol. I took the time to read every single comment and I appreciate every one of them. I think I knew before even posting here that there is no way I could really "prepared" for this and for it to have a good outcome. The risks are greater than any good that can come from this. Maybe just reading all this is what I need to let go of the idea.
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post #38 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 11:36 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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H knows that I am bisexual
At what age did you realize you were bisexual? Have you had any sexual experiences with a female? If so, a lot or a little?

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #39 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 11:37 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?

You got married to the man you love, under the holy bonds of matrimony and your weddings vows. In front of both sets of parents, close friends and relatives.

Now 6 years later, you have the itch. You want to have sex with another woman and have your husband also have sex with her at the same time.

Do you not understand adultery???

If you truly loved your hubby and respected the institution of marriage, God and parents, you would never go and do this.

You will be breaking your marriage vows, having sex with someone else you are not married to and that's cheating.

This is very selfish of you.

If you really fancied the ladies, you shouldn't of married your loving hubby and stayed single.

It's really sad today, that people actually think its okay to have sex with other people while married.......another reason why society is going down the tubes and people wonder why?

If you believe in God and the holy bonds of matrimony, you stay faithful to each other.

If you don't believe in God, marriage is basically a legal contract and piece of paper, have your 3 some and when you get divorced down the road and are back here, don't expect sympathy.


The title of this thread should say, Preparing myself for a "divorce".

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post #40 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:37 AM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

@ Bestofbothworlds : As stated by many people here - opening the marriage requires the ability, to be honest with each other, secure in your bodies, communications and more.

I've done quite a lot of 3somes, those while not in a serious relationship are quite fun. Being in a marriage changes that for many people if they aren't fully on the same page. Now, there are quite a lot of successful relationships, especially swingers and especially when they are older in their years (60+). But the rates of failures may vary between culture, age and who you talk to.

An OR (Open Relationship) couple that I know of, are doing very well but have recently slowed things down on their own. (We have played with them) They are still OR, but after 6+ years together they don't do as much. We are friends of them, do friends things that have nothing to do with sex.

A female friend of mine just broke up with her fiancee. The breakup had nothing to do with her two boyfriends. He was abusive with a drinking problem.

I know of quite a lot of OR people who are doing fine in the various social circles (but we're not active in). OR and cheating happens a lot more than anyone imagines... its not very public.

You are bisexual, you are both interested - but it seems more fantasy. But you jealousy issue *WILL* mess with your mind. My wife is bisexual as well. She even had her own fantasy that was me > woman > wife sex. We did that. But yet months later, turns out she still had some jealous issues. Or some people totally LOSE THIER minds if their SO kisses someone else... the sex, sure - that's okay. Who knows, maybe your husband will feel strange and lose it by watching you kiss another woman TOO much? There are stories in which husbands have wanted to watch another man have sex with their wives... then they get nervous when the night happens, then start losing it during the sex act = fight.

There is a good book called More than two which also has an equally good website (link to site on its jealousy section) https://www.morethantwo.com/becomingsecure.html
I was generally poly before my wife. Dating 2-3 women at the same time, even at the same place & time. I didn't force my wife into it - but she thought it was something she can handle. After her affair and trauma. I have no desire to be poly anymore and not in exchange of harming my relationship. We still have our kinky side. But we don't do the things we were doing the two years before. I have no interest in having GF on the side, nor does she want BF or GF on the side.

I still support OR, each their own. A little Open vs swinging vs poly are different spectrums and what works for some people, don't work for others. For example, going to a stripper joint and having fun with a few strippers maybe enough to get what you two want. Wife and I plan to go sometime in the near future, but it's low on our priorities.

I provided the weblink above to allow you access to excellent materials on the subject - even thou its poly. Who knows, you maybe 2 or 5 months or years from now, one or both of you want to do try this? It'll help. One thing is for certain if either of you have jealousy issues - its a PROBLEM. My wife was jealous with my experience and thought I didn't care about her (among other issues) when things were the opposite. This is failure to communicate.

You and your husband already talked about this, you asked questions first which WAS very good of you. I don't think you are ready for it, you don't think so either. (good) But its something your husband is aware of, is supportive and likely not forget. So having those tools ahead of time can be handy for discussion "my jealousy is an issue". If you both ever do this, talk about it, set up rules, read the link I gave you - they have PDF files on various things. Here is my short list of rules: 1- Don't do it a lot. Like maybe once a year or two. If you do it a few times a week or month with the same person - a bond will form = divorce. 2 - Do it together. 3 - Do NOT do anything behind the others back... even talking = cheating. 4 - Any issues that come up. FULL STOP, talk, re-evaluate and don't blame.

Opening up the marriage can expose cracks can result in cheating. But also, realistically. Obviously, something is wrong when one person in a monogamous relationship *IS* cheating on the other, being OR is not required. I have had sex with over hundred women, but never have I cheated on my wife or came close to it. It sure hurt like hell when she did.

I hope this helps.

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post #41 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:45 AM
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Cool Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Ah, the utter enjoyment and sheer pleasure of getting to watch your dear H commit adultery right before your very eyes!

And he getting his jollies watching you do the very same thing before his!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #42 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 07:09 AM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

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Originally Posted by Bestofbothworlds View Post
Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?
IMO, if you have to ask these questions, you're not ready, and likely never will be. The input you'll get (especially from here) will be overwhelmingly against it, for obvious reasons.

There are very few people capable of this (especially in marriages), and they simply know they are. Those that have to ask questions, seek input, test the waters, etc. - nope.

Apart from that, if one has insecurities of any kind related to their body, or just their over all sexuality, this is a bad idea. If even the thought of the possibility of the other person turning on your partner more than you has entered your mind, this is a bad idea. If you have any jealousy whatsoever, this is a bad idea.

These types of things, as I said, are best left to those very few who are capable of them. Those who have no jealousy whatsoever. Those who have no insecurities about their bodies.

AFAIC, those aren't learned behaviours, they're just inherent.

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post #43 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

...

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post #44 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

As a bisexual married woman I've got to say, I hope you consider yourself very lucky for having a husband who is so sexually liberated and trusting.

If you're really going to do this, I think it's very important to set all kinds of very specific ground rules.

Will the three of you only be together for that one night? Should you consider it cheating if one of you decides to get with her again? Is your husband okay with you potentially having a girlfriend? Will there be alcohol or other mind-altering substances involved at all, because that can affect attraction and make you feel in-love? Will you have a safeword you can use during the act that's code for, "I'm feeling betrayed and/or jealous because of what we're doing right now. We need to stop and talk this out"? Are you okay with stopping the act abruptly if one of you starts to get jealous? How will you deal if you complete the act, but afterwards one of you feels jealous or betrayed? What are you going to do if one or both of you falls in love with her?

You need to be prepared to hear your husband say, "I didn't think it would end up like this but I think I'm in love with her. She's so beautiful and she gave me everything you never could." You need to have a plan for what you both will do if that happens. Likewise, he needs to be prepared in case you say the same thing to him.

You need a plan for this situation. For example, if one of you falls in love with her, will you both agree to cut off all contact with her forever, make sure you never even so much as walk by her again? Or maybe you'll both agree to have an open relationship with her as the third party. Would you be married to each other with her as the side-piece both of you share?

Dealing with willingly exposing yourself to the risk of falling in love with another person and/or out of love with your spouse is an enormous burden. You both need to be mature enough to know what to do.

The only right answer in any of these scenarios are the answers that make sense to both of you.


Last edited by EllaSuaveterre; 02-09-2017 at 02:29 PM.
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post #45 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 02:48 PM
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Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

I wonder if the best approach is to hire a professional. An escort who is being paid to let the OP experience sex with another woman, and a 3-some, but very clear boundaries about any emotional attachment. No pretending or thinking someone is in love. I financial transaction, not to be repeated except by joint consent.

I'm not in any way saying this solves all the problems, but it might help with some of them.
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