Preparing myself for a threesome - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 86Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:13 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 3
Question Preparing myself for a threesome

Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?
Bestofbothworlds is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:16 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,606
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Ahh threesomes the Russian Roulette of relationships.
sokillme is offline  
post #3 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:48 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 3
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

That's exactly why I want to be prepared and informed before making a decision. If this were to not happen, life would go on for us because we know it's not something we NEEF it's just something we'd like
Bestofbothworlds is offline  
post #4 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:49 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 990
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Don't.Do.It.
GuyInColorado is offline  
post #5 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 12:05 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,606
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestofbothworlds View Post
That's exactly why I want to be prepared and informed before making a decision. If this were to not happen, life would go on for us because we know it's not something we NEEF it's just something we'd like
You THINK it is something you like, you won't know until it happens. Like what is he seems more turned on by her are you prepared for that. What is he is more attentive to her, prepared for that too. What if you are more turned on by her, is he prepared for that? What if he wants her again, prepared for that?

I have read 100s of post about this where it goes wrong. That's why I call it the RR of relationships. You may both love it, or it may destroy your relationship. Personally I never understood why things have to be be done because you like them. There are plenty of things that I would like to do but I don't because it's not worth the risk. If you have found love in your life. Which is one of the hardest things to find in this world, isn't that enough. I am probably older then you though and have grown to see it that way. That is my way of thinking anyway. Lifetime of love > a hour or two of lust.

I take it you have already been with women in front of him right? Now this is your payback? He gets to participate?

Anyway why are you posting this on here. I am sure there is a subreddit just for this with all the rules and other stuff to minimize the damage.
sokillme is offline  
post #6 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 12:33 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,420
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

@sokillme what?? Did you read the OP? She hasn't been with a woman - it's only this year when H had been comfortable with the idea.
@Bestofbothworlds there are a few people at TAM who talk about open relationships - @Vinnydee and @TaDor.

Maybe they can provide insight


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is online now  
post #7 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 01:00 AM
Member
 
RideofmyLife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Idaho
Posts: 122
I'll post tomorrow. In the meantime, check out the first post of my thread. We also started out just wanting a threesome and it morphed into a nightmare.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/#/topics/308378
RideofmyLife is offline  
post #8 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 05:36 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,333
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
@sokillme what?? Did you read the OP? She hasn't been with a woman - it's only this year when H had been comfortable with the idea.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The post wasn't clear. I read it to mean same way @sokillme did. Chill out.
blueinbr is offline  
post #9 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 06:52 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 715
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

So the question is how to get past your jealousy so your husband can be with an OW that YOU are going to be with as well.

You need to search threesomes gone wrong. You will have your answer. Never works out when one of the party starts from your position.

Yes there are those that are in to this, but it just sounds like they are defending their choice.

Last question, why is it ok for you to be with her and not your husband?

That is where the jealousy is coming from, you want your husband all to yourself. Which is how it should be. Just like I want my wife all to myself. So why should you be allowed to play with another?

Take it for what it is worth. You won't stamp out the feeling you are having with out losing part of yourself.
ABHale is online now  
post #10 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:25 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,420
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
The post wasn't clear. I read it to mean same way @sokillme did. Chill out.


Chill yourself out. A bunch of people shaming and talking down to OP with knee jerk reactions who are just scarred from their own completely different marriages.

Finally someone with a relevant experience posted and only a few people here have similar experiences.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is online now  
post #11 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:48 AM
Member
 
Keke24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 547
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestofbothworlds View Post
Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?
I left an open relationship to be with my current partner. Like you, I too am bisexual. My partner is fully aware of this and stated from the beginning that while he would not agree to an open relationship, he had no qualms about me having a gf. I would not be obligated to share her with him and if I did want to bring her home, he would not be interested in her participating but would want her to watch the two of us have sex. He's long had this fantasy about seeing the jealousy on another woman's face towards the woman he's with.

I was quite happy about that arrangement when we initially discussed it and thought myself really lucky to have a serious partner who was willing to let me explore my fantasies with a woman. I haven't yet acted on his offer. While I have zero concerns about falling in love with a woman or the woman watching turning into a 3some, I no longer think it is worth the risk. My past open relationship started out with the very best intentions including couples counselling to set boundaries etc., it turned out to be a disaster. I ended up falling in love with someone else and I hurt that person and my ex very badly. In the moment I was so blind to the pain I caused.

I am not a very jealous person unlike the way you present yourself. I'm not sure that even if you did find a way to overcome the jealousy and partake in the act, that you would be able to deal with the jealousy that comes from seeing another woman please your man and do things in bed that you don't do or you do differently. You need to be very honest with yourself about that. You have nothing to lose by doing nothing and everything to lose by taking part in the act. My wild sexual/relationship past has taught me to heed the precautionary principle. I'm too happy with my current partner to take these risks anymore, I just don't think it's worth it.

There are other ways to introduce some spiciness without the risks. We use porn, role playing and strip clubs to replicate the taboos and risks of another woman. He gets extremely turned on by seeing strippers come onto me and if I'm lucky he'll indulge me by letting me get him a lapdance.

If you're adamant about doing this, go slowly. Perhaps try things in public first to test the waters. There are exclusive sex/swingers' clubs that you two can become members of. In the past, I've had better luck meeting people there than online. Talk to your partner about your fears and jealousy. Be honest with each other and decide together if it is worth the risk and how you two would deal with all the what ifs that could make things go very wrong, very fast.
Keke24 is offline  
post #12 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 08:36 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,673
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

I don't get this. I mean, I'm hetero and I like women, and I never banged another chick while I was married. Does the fact that it's the same sex mean it's ok? Like, if I wanted to bang a dude, my wife should be ok with it?
Herschel is online now  
post #13 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 08:38 AM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,630
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Pandora's Box.

Open it at your own peril.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is online now  
post #14 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 08:49 AM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,225
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

I have had friends ask my advice on how to prepare for a threesome. My standard advice to them has always been to get a box of condoms and referrals to good lawyers.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #15 of 56 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 08:50 AM
Member
 
Married but Happy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,488
Re: Preparing myself for a threesome

Unless you can deal with the jealousy issue, a threesome is a bad idea. As it is, you are very lucky that your husband agrees to let you have a lover at all, without him having the same option, it seems. He is dealing with his jealousy issues, apparently, if he has any. What is the worst case for you, though? That you go ahead with this, and freak out if your husband and gf have a good time? What is that going to do to both your relationships, in that case? If you can't handle the fallout of that scenario gracefully at the time and afterwards, and without sabotaging either relationship (especially that with your husband), then you aren't ready to try this.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
Married but Happy is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Feelings after threesome Orange_Crush Sex in Marriage 114 03-03-2016 09:43 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome