So this is the SITUATION - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 04:25 PM
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Re: So this is the SITUATION

Originally Posted by Plan 9 from OS View Post
I learned that too. A couple of years ago, I was on SIM trying to get advice to improve frequency (and quality) of the sex life. After i gave my numbers, I was told - politely for the most part - to STFU and enjoy what I had. Not bad for 80 years old right? (j/k). We have sex every other day except when she's on her period and then it's normally off limits for the first 5-6 days.
Yeah, that's pretty good!

Something like 20% of marriages are sexless, which is defined at 10 times or fewer per year. My former marriage was sexless, and it was horrible. I would have been stoked to get it even once a week! (Except, by the time things got really bad, I couldn't stand him anymore and wanted him nowhere near me...)

Given my druthers, I'd prefer sex every day (extenuating circumstances aside), but my partner and I don't live together, so that's not happening. And he won't during my period, which makes me a little sad and angsty because I get even hornier during my period.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #32 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: So this is the SITUATION

Originally Posted by DoctorSane View Post
......Be honest with yourself and then see if you start getting a clear idea of how you need to proceed.

....I am a hell of a guy, easily the best version of me yet and I'm still improving. My wife still has zero attraction for me and I'm pretty sure she is totally checked out at this point.

....I was great at talking about how much I had disconnected the emotional hose and how my life was going to be fantastic either with her or without her. I was lying to myself. woman will feel desire for a weak man who is obviously blustering about how awesome he is while being a needy, insecure little boy just under the surface.

You want to fix your marriage (i.e., your sex life with your wife)? That's the wrong goal. Fix yourself, for yourself. Period. Full stop. Stop wondering about why your wife has no desire for you and just accept that that's how things are.

......What I mean is, stop being pushed around by your ego and your momentary wants and needs, and start focusing on what you want your life to be about and start building that. Get something really going in that direction and then assess whether you can have a worthwhile relationship with your wife.
Good advice. One of the hardest NMMNG lessons is how to break the habit of covert contracts, when it comes to your wife. Essentially, it means that what you do is because you want to do it, whether it is improving yourself or doing things for your wife. The key is to have no expectation that it will "get you laid." Wives tend to be able to read their husbands like a book and see if you have any covert contract expectations.
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