Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
im slightly overweight, and guess what, its 100% my fault. its not my wifes fault, its not her job to make me feel good about myself so i will want to change, its my issue to fix, for me and for her. she is also slightly overweight, and thats her issue, or is that my issue to fix also? Did you see me write that it was YOUR issue to fix?
i get weary of reading how men affect or even cause their wives to be overweight and that its up to them to help their wives lose. Again, I did not say that.reading the last lady poster talking about her husband being overweight and what a turnoff it is for her was refreshing.
my apologies as i do see where i failed to make my point, which was prompted by your comment.
i am not a perpetually skinny and healthy person trying to judge those that are not. i am a person who tries to live their life based around personal responsibility and accountability. i have seen alot responses on numerous threads about weight that basically put the onus on the partner of the over weight person to help them lose weight (sorry to say it but especially where the woman is over weight). i think a large part of our society has transformed into the "not my fault" mentality. it sickens me.
incidentally FYD, i have read your story about your unfortunate injury. i dont classify that the same way. you obviously have the desire to improve, but you are obviously limited.
my apologies as i do see where i failed to make my point, which was prompted by your comment.
i am not a perpetually skinny and healthy person trying to judge those that are not. i am a person who tries to live their life based around personal responsibility and accountability. i have seen alot responses on numerous threads about weight that basically put the onus on the partner of the over weight person to help them lose weight (sorry to say it but especially where the woman is over weight). i think a large part of our society has transformed into the "not my fault" mentality. it sickens me.
incidentally FYD, i have read your story about your unfortunate injury. i dont classify that the same way. you obviously have the desire to improve, but you are obviously limited.
I expect much of that is because it is the spouse coming here for suggestions, not the peron that is overweight. I take these suggestions as ways you can support and encourage your spouse to look after their weight.
At the end of the day, however, it is like everything else - you can't change a person, they need to want to change.
Several years ago she was fat and ugly in men's eyes. She was also a big joke in China because she liked to show. Look at her now, slim and beautiful, who doesn't want this?
People might want to know what kind of surgery she did or what kind of medicine she took. Her secret is nothing special. Go jogging in the morning everyday and continue for several years. Eat more fruit and vegetables, less meat. She still eats good food since food is important to her. Just balanced diet.
People look for all kinds of excuses not to control their weight. Little do they know that they will benefit a lot if they stop looking for excuses.
I expect much of that is because it is the spouse coming here for suggestions, not the peron that is overweight. I take these suggestions as ways you can support and encourage your spouse to look after their weight.
At the end of the day, however, it is like everything else - you can't change a person, they need to want to change.
i agree, but some threads do morph into why it is the fault of the person asking for advice, "its no wonder why your wife is overweight" type comments from a few.
Several years ago she was fat and ugly in men's eyes. She was also a big joke in China because she liked to show. Look at her now, slim and beautiful, who doesn't want this?
People might want to know what kind of surgery she did or what kind of medicine she took. Her secret is nothing special. Go jogging in the morning everyday and continue for several years. Eat more fruit and vegetables, less meat. She still eats good food since food is important to her. Just balanced diet.
People look for all kinds of excuses not to control their weight. Little do they know that they will benefit a lot if they stop looking for excuses.
It's easy. Just stop being lazy!
When there are medical issues, it is not as easy as you think.
Sometimes people have to take medication that causes weight gain or slowing of metabolism.
There are also challenges with mobility and heart conditions.
It is very ignorant and misinformed of you to say that ALL weight problems come from laziness. I suggest you do some reading and educate yourself.
Not everybody is blessed with your good health.
I agree and disagree with you. I agree that it isn't as easy as everyone thinks and there is medication and genetics to think about. However, I DO think that most cases obesity (not just being overweight) stem from laziness. If people cared enough they would get up and do something about it, if they weren't lazy or just didn't care/it doesn't bother them. I never mentioned genetics. I do agree that obesity is worse than being overweight. I am not obese, just chunky. I am doing something about it though.
I have a friend who has been obese (now 300+ lbs) her whole life. She went on a diet (slim for life) and lost about 150lbs. They had her doing things like eating 5 plain hamburgers (no bread, just the hamburger) for lunch and doing all the weight loss herbs and pills. Of course these things definitely made her lose the weight but they also caused her to put back on what she lost and about 50lbs more after she ended the diet, because it taught her nothing about healthy eating or portion control. Now she is doing it the right way, portion control, healthy eating, fruit and veggie servings every day, and more importantly, exercise. I have started to drink more water and replace unhealthy snacks with fruit. I have also began to go for a thirty minute walk every day. My doctor has made these suggestions.
For the people who have health problems that prevent them from walking/running/weight lifting, there is water aerobics. That is what my 75 year old grandmother (who is 5' tall and weighs 275lbs) does. She also is on a diet of only 1400 calories/day. She is slowly but surely dropping weight. She has heart problem, has had several knee and hip surgeries, and is diabetic. There is always a way, you just need to have the will.
As a woman that has let herself go before, can I put my two cents in?
I did nothing about it because I was afraid that no matter how hard I tried to please my husband, I would fail. Gaining weight was something to put the blame on, instead of "myself".
He only seemed to care about me in the bedroom, or when I got dolled up.. It had bern years since he hugged me and told me how much he loved me while I was wearing pajamas and had bed head.
I started to feel like I could only get his attention if I looked the part, and it made me wonder about our future. I won't be a 23 yr old forever... I will grow old and someday my hair will turn gray.
I alone, the me inside, won't be able to keep him happy... If he only loves me on the outside...
I began to lose wright for the wrong reasons, because I was certain he was going to leave me, I lost weight so I could believe another man might want me.
53lbs... I weigh less than before we got together. Posted via Mobile Device
As a woman that has let herself go before, can I put my two cents in?
I did nothing about it because I was afraid that no matter how hard I tried to please my husband, I would fail. Gaining weight was something to put the blame on, instead of "myself".
He only seemed to care about me in the bedroom, or when I got dolled up.. It had bern years since he hugged me and told me how much he loved me while I was wearing pajamas and had bed head.
I started to feel like I could only get his attention if I looked the part, and it made me wonder about our future. I won't be a 23 yr old forever... I will grow old and someday my hair will turn gray.
I alone, the me inside, won't be able to keep him happy... If he only loves me on the outside...
I began to lose wright for the wrong reasons, because I was certain he was going to leave me, I lost weight so I could believe another man might want me.
53lbs... I weigh less than before we got together. Posted via Mobile Device
chicken or egg again.
I think most men could say she only loves me when I am emotional she dosn't love the real me.
my poit being is we should love eachother because of our gender differences and except them for the qualities we don't have.
but instead we get stuck with our own thought process on the things that we selfishly want.
and in doing so we should realise that you have to put your self outside of your comfort zone as a way to really show how much you love eachother.
yes a man should show his emotional side but women need to realise that its difficult for most men to do. and they should encourage it be being suportive and not critisize the way or manner in which he dose it.
on the flip side women should also travel outside their comfort zone. and men should realise it was difficult for them to do.
and then the comfort zone starts to get bigger and bigger and before you know it it one big happy comfort zone.
I guess in a perfect world thats how it would work.
For the people who have health problems that prevent them from walking/running/weight lifting, there is water aerobics. That is what my 75 year old grandmother (who is 5' tall and weighs 275lbs) does. She also is on a diet of only 1400 calories/day. She is slowly but surely dropping weight. She has heart problem, has had several knee and hip surgeries, and is diabetic. There is always a way, you just need to have the will.
I disagree. My neck/spine injury does not allow me to do any exercise without going into unbearable pain. I have the will. I have the motivation. Trust me, I'd be doing any cardio exercise if able! I love to exercise and even though my injury stopped me in my tracks, I still have the motivation and will. I use to run 36 miles every week for years.
I'm literally STUCK laying in bed or on the couch most of the day. I'm a prisoner in my own body. I do however, must learn to live like this without getting depressed. I do bike, but I can not move my upper half of my body. I can not walk over 200 feet without resting. I do have a handicap parking permit and I'm only 37.
I do eat healthy. We do not eat greasy foods here. Our children are fast food deprived. 90% of the food I cook is from scratch.
Before I broke my neck, I gained 100 pounds with each child. I loved to eat. I had gestational dibeaties along with that, but I would only lose 16 pounds of the 100 I gained. I could easily run it off. My third child I started running 3 miles one week after delivering her. I'm not quite sure how I gained the weight from being pregnant in the first place.
When I broke my neck, I gained 30 pounds in a few months. I stayed the same weight for a while. My problem was that I was not getting dressed and wearing pj's daily. My MIL made a comment on my weight gain, I felt bad, so I changed my eating habits and I'm where I'm at now. I'm getting older and my metabolism is surly slowing down.
I'm grateful for my husband who love me for who I am. He never once had a problem with any of my weight gains. If he did, he would of told me. We have great communication with each other.
I would give anything to exercise again. I raced in a few triathlons as well. I miss being toned also. Posted via Mobile Device
I disagree. My neck/spine injury does not allow me to do any exercise without going into unbearable pain. I have the will. I have the motivation. Trust me, I'd be doing any cardio exercise if able! I love to exercise and even though my injury stopped me in my tracks, I still have the motivation and will. I use to run 36 miles every week for years.
I'm literally STUCK laying in bed or on the couch most of the day. I'm a prisoner in my own body. I do however, must learn to live like this without getting depressed. I do bike, but I can not move my upper half of my body. I can not walk over 200 feet without resting. I do have a handicap parking permit and I'm only 37.
I do eat healthy. We do not eat greasy foods here. Our children are fast food deprived. 90% of the food I cook is from scratch.
Before I broke my neck, I gained 100 pounds with each child. I loved to eat. I had gestational dibeaties along with that, but I would only lose 16 pounds of the 100 I gained. I could easily run it off. My third child I started running 3 miles one week after delivering her. I'm not quite sure how I gained the weight from being pregnant in the first place.
When I broke my neck, I gained 30 pounds in a few months. I stayed the same weight for a while. My problem was that I was not getting dressed and wearing pj's daily. My MIL made a comment on my weight gain, I felt bad, so I changed my eating habits and I'm where I'm at now. I'm getting older and my metabolism is surly slowing down.
I'm grateful for my husband who love me for who I am. He never once had a problem with any of my weight gains. If he did, he would of told me. We have great communication with each other.
I would give anything to exercise again. I raced in a few triathlons as well. I miss being toned also. Posted via Mobile Device
you must be mentaly strong to endure such a lifestyle change.
maybe its time to be revaluated by a different dr.
maybe some new technology has been discovered that would help.
I think most men could say she only loves me when I am emotional she dosn't love the real me.
my poit being is we should love eachother because of our gender differences and except them for the qualities we don't have.
but instead we get stuck with our own thought process on the things that we selfishly want.
and in doing so we should realise that you have to put your self outside of your comfort zone as a way to really show how much you love eachother.
yes a man should show his emotional side but women need to realise that its difficult for most men to do. and they should encourage it be being suportive and not critisize the way or manner in which he dose it.
on the flip side women should also travel outside their comfort zone. and men should realise it was difficult for them to do.
and then the comfort zone starts to get bigger and bigger and before you know it it one big happy comfort zone.
I guess in a perfect world thats how it would work.
But chilly,
What beauty can never fade? Or at least we have full control over it NOT fading.
Beauty from the inside, or outside? Posted via Mobile Device
A woman jumping outside her comfort zone to be the "sexy and sex driven" partner she suspects her husband wants her to be is hard because she knows she will outgrow that sexy appearance.
A man jumping out of his comfort zone to show emotional attraction should be comforting because that is something you can always have, never lose. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Womens Weighty Issues. 
