Porn's effect on women - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 05:06 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

MY husband would be very unhappy If I looked at porn, just as i would if he did. Its good we think the same way about it, thats its a no no.
I would see it as incredibly unloving and disrespectful to my husband if I did that. I am not going to compare him to anyone, and dissatisfaction is deadly for a marriage.
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post #17 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 05:38 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Really! What up with that?
Yeah, what's up!

Any healthy man can "plumb her". He has the tubing and the solder. The lady offers the heat and the flux.

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post #18 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:59 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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MY husband would be very unhappy If I looked at porn, just as i would if he did.
I would love it if my wife looked at porn. That would mean she has a sex drive. If she does, then we can work together to find a way to satisfy it. If I can't, but someone else can, then we should divorce and both be happier. As it is, it seems she has none and that precludes any mutually satisfying solution. If she is dissatisfied because I stink in bed, there is a possibility of us both becoming satisfied. If the only way she can be satisfied is if we have no sex, then there is no mutually satisfying resolution.

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post #19 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

I watch porn fairly regularly. I also have a healthy sex life with my H. I've never turned him down for sex, even if I'm not in the mood.

He thinks it's hot that I watch porn. It legit turns him on. We both talk about the kind of porn we like, share videos with each other, watch it together. Not all the time mind you, but here and there. We're very open with each other. Neither of us get insecure over it. People get too hung up over "perfect bodies" I think.
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post #20 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:20 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Any women been with/know of men responding negatively to their partner viewing porn (outside of religious concerns)? How did these men feel? In what way was it hurtful to them?
I read once that 1% of men who initiate divorce do so because of a wife's porn use. Not sure what percentage of women divorce because of a husband's porn use.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #21 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:24 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Does the male ever view it as damaging as a woman might?
Maybe if he has erectile dysfunction and his wife asks why he cannot perform as reliably as a male porn star?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:41 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Do you include both the printed word porn and the video/picture porn in your question? Both have their own damaging effect. Sorry 50 Shades but that means you too. Although some have said you "helped".
I think it would have to include written. For myself written stuff gets me going. Porn not as much unless it is really female focused, and not in one girl, five guys kind of way

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post #23 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:45 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Ahh. So if it affects intimacy then the response is similar from both genders. That makes sense.

Outside of these situations however, some women are seriously hurt by it. Often the perspective is that he'll be comparing the pornstar's body to hers in the future, he's not happy with the way she looks, he's not satisfied with her sexually etc. By just finding out their partner has viewed porn, regardless of the fact that it has no effect on their sexual intimacy. This is what I'm most interested in. In instances where a woman is not addicted, does not choose porn over husband and occasionally views porn in private. Does the male ever view it as damaging as a woman might?
I'm not a male so I can't speak from that perspective, but wouldn't some find it a turn on? Why would men, whom a large portion of indulge in porn, be upset if their wives watched porn unless they didn't watch it themselves.

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post #24 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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I read once that 1% of men who initiate divorce do so because of a wife's porn use. Not sure what percentage of women divorce because of a husband's porn use.
The number is way higher for women initiating divorce. That being said, the amount of women watching porn is on the rise so the number of divorces resulting from porn will probably fall.

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post #25 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Maybe if he has erectile dysfunction and his wife asks why he cannot perform as reliably as a male porn star?
Does he have it from watching too much porn? (sorry, tongue in cheek response. I couldn't help it)

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post #26 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:29 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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The number is way higher for women initiating divorce. That being said, the amount of women watching porn is on the rise so the number of divorces resulting from porn will probably fall.

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Porn use is cited in 60% of divorces now. Thats massive. Its so damaging.

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-28-2017 at 10:33 AM. Reason: changed name on quote as account name changed
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post #27 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:32 PM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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I would love it if my wife looked at porn. That would mean she has a sex drive. If she does, then we can work together to find a way to satisfy it. If I can't, but someone else can, then we should divorce and both be happier. As it is, it seems she has none and that precludes any mutually satisfying solution. If she is dissatisfied because I stink in bed, there is a possibility of us both becoming satisfied. If the only way she can be satisfied is if we have no sex, then there is no mutually satisfying resolution.

Your situation is very different. For me porn use would damage the intimacy we have.
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post #28 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 12:27 AM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

[QUOTE=EleGirl;17346649]There was one poster on TAM who said that he never could understand why women were so upset about their partner/husband using a lot of porn.. until his wife started doing it. He had a huge problem with it. I do not recall the poster's name. He might still be a member here.

Ele,

This could have been me. At least I was in a similar circumstance. What I could not ever understand was equating viewing porn to infidelity. I watched porn to make up for a major change of frequency with intimacy both emotional and physical. What opened my eyes to how damaging porn can be is when I found she had replaced me with pornography in both written and visual forms. I never watched porn to replace her or because she did not meet my expectations physically. I watched to fill an enormous void (poor substitute).

What opened my eyes was not really that she watched it and read it but what the content was. I could never compete with what she was looking at and reading.
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post #29 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 02:25 AM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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I think you will find a LOT of variation, both in how it affects men, and how it affects their partners.

There is a general belief (true or not) that men are more likely to view women as sex object than are women to view men that way. That makes it more likely that someone would interpret a man's viewing of porn as fitting this negative pattern.

A biological factor is that most men can only have sex a very limited number of times per day, so watching porn may deprive their partners. Many women can have sex as often as they want. Of course this doesn't apply to the percentage of women who lose interest in sex for a significant time after they have had an O.

I would view my wife watching porn as negative if I believe it was substituting for intimacy with me. Finding out that she had turned me down for sex, then got off to a porno would make me unhappy.
While it's true that a woman can have sex at any time because women, this is very strange view of women's sexuality.

Women cannot really enjoy sex for an unlimited number of times a day. Generally a woman needs a period of time after sex before her can really have the desire for sex again.

So a woman's desire for sex can be satisfied via porn and/or masturbation. Thus these things could interfere with her sex life with her partner.
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post #30 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 02:26 AM
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Re: Porn's effect on women

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
There was one poster on TAM who said that he never could understand why women were so upset about their partner/husband using a lot of porn.. until his wife started doing it. He had a huge problem with it. I do not recall the poster's name. He might still be a member here.
Ele,

This could have been me. At least I was in a similar circumstance. What I could not ever understand was equating viewing porn to infidelity. I watched porn to make up for a major change of frequency with intimacy both emotional and physical. What opened my eyes to how damaging porn can be is when I found she had replaced me with pornography in both written and visual forms. I never watched porn to replace her or because she did not meet my expectations physically. I watched to fill an enormous void (poor substitute).

What opened my eyes was not really that she watched it and read it but what the content was. I could never compete with what she was looking at and reading.
Just as most women cannot compete with what men see when they watch porn.
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