Quit defending LD spouses......marriage is 50 / 50, not 99 / 01.
Too many posts here about how LD's never change for anyone and that's very selfish and in it for themselves.
If HD spouses can change and adapt, LD spouses can do the same.
Sex is not a chore. Sex is what a loving hubby and wife do for that intimate connection. To see sex as a chore, you have issues that need addressing. Professional help.
If someone doesn't take care of themselves, guess what, they are at fault and no one else. Period.
From the very beginning we got married, the sex was minimal 1x month and I was still very supportive. But many years of that takes its toll and if marriage isn't 50 / 50, that's not right and I dialed it back accordingly. Marriage is 50 / 50, not 99 / 01 with excuses.
Mrs.CuddleBug has taken no responsibility and I still am not even allowed to get angry. That's bad and its my fault somehow.
I had issues dialing back my sex drive but its the LD way or the highway, that's not 50 / 50.
When LD's don't change that's okay. But HD's are expected to do all the changing. That's not taking care of the other halves needs as your own. That's a LD only taking care of themselves.
A loving and sexual wife should be taking care of her mans needs and rocking his world, out of love and take care of his needs as her own and being his wife. This goes the other way as well, us guys taking care of our ladies needs in the same manner.
If the guy is always physically and sexually starved, the wife isn't being very loving and taking care of him. Only herself. When married, you are not your own anymore.
When I married Mrs.CuddleBug, I cut the cords with my parents. She is now my life. My parents and sister, etc. are secondary in all things.
I am very empathetic to those who make a real effort. Of course. But those who do not, what do you really expect? Have your cake and eat it too?
No one has said anything even resembling what you are saying. You are lashing out because people are saying she is being true to who SHE is, and not forcing herself to be who you WANT her to be. What we ARE saying is that you can either continue as you are, or move on. Her weight is not going to change her sex drive. And no one is saying that a HD HAS to adapt to a LD. Just as no one is saying LD HAS to adapt to HD. You can address the compatibility issue and work out a compromise... OR part ways. OR keep the elephant in the room and keep sulking, wallowing in the self pity. Your choice.
So, you mention cutting the cord with parents/siblings/etc. So, my question is this... if they say something disparaging about you, does she jump to your defense, or does she join in with them? I ask for a reason. In the early years of my marriage, it was difficult adjusting from daughter/sister to wife, and then mother. My family has always been close. In fact, my dad has always been "Daddy" to us girls, and still is. He texts me throughout the day, or sends me PM's, too. And each night, he texts us, saying he loves us and hopes we sleep well. I talk to my sisters nearly everyday, too. But, if one of them chose to speak poorly about my husband, I would jump to his defense. If he was in the wrong, I would tell him, privately. My husband and children come first... but I am still close to my sisters and my dad (mom passed away almost 3 years ago).
You say you are empathetic to those who make a true effort... but who are you to determine whether someone had made those efforts or not? You were so quick to jump on me and my size, all without knowing the whole story. And you tried to shame me... again, without knowing my story. Now, you switch gears. You make assumptions about people, based on your own preconceived notions. We all do it, even I do. But own it. And, most importantly, stop assuming you know what got any given person to their current state. You don't know. Even now, you are making assumptions about Mrs.CB. But, do you REALLY know?? I think that would be an excellent start... talk to her and find out WHY she chooses the things she does. You might be surprised by what you learn. And, keep your mind OPEN. Don't shut down if she says something you don't particularly like.
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