Time for little update - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 10:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

Mrs.CuddleBug probably knows how I'm feeling about this. She just doesn't want to deal with it.

Mrs.CuddleBug is a grown adult woman and not a child. She shouldn't need me going with her to exercise and hold her hand. If she does at age 38, she is a baby and needs to grow up I would think.

I have said lets go for a walk and she'd rather chill on the couch and watch tv or read a book, talk on the phone and on her laptop, etc.

I honestly think she is clueless but doesn't want to change either.

She knows day one we got married, having sex 1x month was a serious issue. I used to initiate all the time and got every excuse you can find here on TAM not to have sex. So over the years, I had enough and gave up.

I think her low sex drive was always there because she was a bigger girl even from her high school years. So that insecurity has been life long with her. She could of done the gym since that point and wouldn't be the size she is today.

I think her continued weight gain is just being comfy and set in her ways.

She always had a low sex drive from day one we got married to present day. You can only initiate and get turned down so many times before you throw in the towel.

We only have 10 months left on our mortgage, so I don't know what will happen at that point.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #17 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 10:09 AM
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Re: Time for little update

So why did you marry her?
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post #18 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 10:21 AM
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Re: Time for little update

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So why did you marry her?
Agree. And why stay married to her now?

The mortgage is irrelevant. Nothing will change in 10 mos regarding splitting up the assets and the debts. And 10 mos of mortgage debt is rather negligible in divorce proceedings.

I honestly think it's time to move on from this lazy couch-surfer. Imagine waking up instead with a fit, healthy, active woman, having a romp in the sack, and then heading out for a bike ride or hike, a romantic lunch, exploring your town and the bigger world.

Instead, you're stuck watching her lounge on the couch, stuff herself with snacks, and chat all day with her mother.

Time for some tough decisions.

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly

Last edited by happy as a clam; 02-12-2017 at 10:27 AM.
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post #19 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 11:06 AM
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Re: Time for little update

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I think her continued weight gain is just being comfy and set in her ways.

She always had a low sex drive from day one we got married to present day.
So, you want her to entirely change what she has always been, become something she has never been, do it all off her own initiative, without help/assistance/support from you, despite the fact she has no interest/desire to do it, because it's what you want?

Sorry, I don't think you need TAM. You need a miracle.

Kushti divvus, pali i peni!
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post #20 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 11:09 AM
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Re: Time for little update

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I'm sorry, I can imagine that's tough to live with.

Husband and I are both runners in very good shape, and I know it would bother me if he put on 80 pounds.

Particularly because I work hard, so why should he enjoy the benefits of a fit wife if he's not going to make any effort?

I wanted to throw that out there so you don't think I'm projecting and making excuses for her.

Try not to take it personally. Weight loss and upkeep is very hard and data suggests that most people ultimately fail. We live in a toxic food environment in the modern era and we really do have to fight against our base nature, which is to eat junk and be lazy, to maintain a healthy weight and fitness.

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I can't tell you how many runs I've done in the dark simply because there's no other time to do it.
I remember running at Midnight on city streets. A very large city, past homes and the bar district. One night while running on the side of the street in a blizzard, an older couple asked me if I needed a ride. They could not imagine that any sane person would run at night in a raging snow storm. I politely declined the ride and asked them,
"No, I am OK, do you need a push?" They looked at me like I was crazy, worriedly smiled and drove off. I suspect after thinking about this exchange, that I was, indeed, a crazy idiot!
-SunCMars


My coworkers go to lunch all the time and I'm always passing because I don't want to eat restaurant food.

I sit next to the break room at work and people are always bringing in junk. I have to force myself to ignore it.

It's really hard and not everyone is capable of this level of discipline.

I have no advice except to let it go and either live with her or move on. She knows it's an issue and any motivation to change it must come from her, and perceived or actual disapproval from you only makes it worse.

Keep your own health in order.
Cuddle Man.

I think you are at the [left/right] crossroads in your marriage.

She obviously is not going to change her ways. She enjoys food more than sex. We all know a whole lot of people like this.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................
Runners and fitness nuts are a small minority in America. When I was younger I put myself at the elite three percent of the population. Now, at my age, I am at the .0001 percent of men who can run, bike, swim. I am no longer competitive with young people, but I can smoke [most of] all the older gents and ladies...that are 10 years younger.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..................................................

Back to you. Your wife is plump. Very plump. She still has a wonderful personality, a pretty face. She still has value.

The physical part? Being plump, she is even more cuddly. She has soft boobs, a large expanse of skin to explore and lick. She has that place that men kill for. And it is "still" all yours to enjoy.

Forget the Plump visions. Enjoy the warm, juicy Plum visions. She is every bit a women as any out there....at least physically. She has all the right parts.

Work harder at taking her to bed. Work harder at making it pleasurable to her. She knows her size is a turn off to you.

Do not let her weight leverage you off the bed. Out of her arms, out of her furry fold.

Win this battle. For you and for her.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.

Last edited by SunCMars; 02-12-2017 at 11:16 AM.
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post #21 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 12:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

I married Mrs.CuddleBug because she's a kind, caring, loving, intelligent woman.

I went into our marriage open to change, adapting and always improving.

I do this for myself, our marriage and Mrs.CuddleBug.

I never went into our marriage with the mindset, take me as I am, I won't change for you.

I weight trained.

I got laser eye surgery.

I've upgraded almost everything now in our place.

Mrs.CuddleBug in comparison has done nothing.

I'm not wanting her to get new friends, change her interests and hobbies, change her personality, etc. I want her to take care of her body instead of letting herself go......and the LD thing should of been addressed and solved long ago, instead of 17 years of it.

I am open to any sexual positions, oils, toys, you name it and I'll want to do it. Mrs.CuddleBug is oral and doggy. I love to do a little grab and grope, talk dirty and be flirty, she does not.

I love to always try something new and spice it up. She does nothing.

I don''t know if she doesn't understand how to do these things?! Internet people.......really?

I love food as well but I also weight train.

See, its not money. Mrs.CuddleBug and I are well off. It's not transportation. We both have our own cars.

What I don't understand is if she knows she is very over weight, why not do something about it???

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post #22 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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Originally Posted by happy as a clam View Post
Agree. And why stay married to her now?

The mortgage is irrelevant. Nothing will change in 10 mos regarding splitting up the assets and the debts. And 10 mos of mortgage debt is rather negligible in divorce proceedings.

I honestly think it's time to move on from this lazy couch-surfer. Imagine waking up instead with a fit, healthy, active woman, having a romp in the sack, and then heading out for a bike ride or hike, a romantic lunch, exploring your town and the bigger world.

Instead, you're stuck watching her lounge on the couch, stuff herself with snacks, and chat all day with her mother.


Time for some tough decisions.

You nailed it.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #23 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 12:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

And we've never been in the shower together in our entire marriage and she still locks the bathroom doors.......

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #24 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 12:57 PM
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Re: Time for little update

My fiance and I talk about this, we are both fit and into running, CF, he is into weight lifting, etc...and it would bother us if we both stopped taking care of ourselves, and just let ourselves go. I think that when you are very much into that lifestyle, it is hard to be around someone who is the polar opposite, which sounds like the case between your wife and you. I'm sure your wife's weight bothers her, there is no way gaining 80 lbs doesn't affect her everyday life, but it will take her consistent work to get the weight off, and to keep it off, and that is probably hard for her to commit to. If she is LD, then this might just add to it, unfortunately.

I agree with those that say life is short, and you are only human. Women flirting with you, while your wife ignores you in ''that way,'' will only last for so long before you grow tired of accepting things as they are. I hope that your wife chooses to lose the weight for her, and become healthier...and that you both can make things work. That she realizes you are worth it, but if not...I hope you don't go through an entire lifetime ...feeling down and growing resentful of your wife. Something will have to give, eventually, I'm thinking.

Praying for you both.
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post #25 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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Mrs.CuddleBug in comparison has done nothing.

I'm not wanting her to get new friends, change her interests and hobbies, change her personality, etc.
Sorry, but I suspect that from her perspective that's EXACTLY what appear to want!

Quote:
I want her to take care of her body instead of letting herself go......and the LD thing should of been addressed and solved long ago, instead of 17 years of it.

I am open to any sexual positions, oils, toys, you name it and I'll want to do it. Mrs.CuddleBug is oral and doggy. I love to do a little grab and grope, talk dirty and be flirty, she does not.

I love to always try something new and spice it up. She does nothing.

I don''t know if she doesn't understand how to do these things?! Internet people.......really?
No, it's rather that she DOES NOT LIKE THESE THINGS. Imagine a food you detest. You might force yourself to eat it, but you will never enjoy it. Some people will choke it down because someone tells them it's the "right thing to do". Others will tell you to to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

Quote:
.

What I don't understand is if she knows she is very over weight, why not do something about it???
The cost/benefit doesn't stack up for her. She isn't sufficiently interested in the results to want to take on the discomfort and effort.

Kushti divvus, pali i peni!
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post #26 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

If Mrs.CuddleBug doesn't like or want sex and isn't motivated to take care of herself, she won't truly have me.

In my books, the pollen gets the bee. No pollen, No bee.

Either you take care of yourself for your health and spouse or you don't.

Either you take care of each others needs as your own, 50 / 50, or you don't.

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post #27 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:43 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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If Mrs.CuddleBug doesn't like or want sex and isn't motivated to take care of herself, she won't truly have me.

In my books, the pollen gets the bee. No pollen, No bee.

Either you take care of yourself for your health and spouse or you don't.

Either you take care of each others needs as your own, 50 / 50, or you don't.
Then you have your answer.

Kushti divvus, pali i peni!
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post #28 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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Then you have your answer.

I think I will focus on myself more now. Instead of training at home I will get a gym pass and go hard again. See how big and strong I can get this time. Meet new friends and network, etc.

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post #29 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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No, it's rather that she DOES NOT LIKE THESE THINGS. Imagine a food you detest. You might force yourself to eat it, but you will never enjoy it. Some people will choke it down because someone tells them it's the "right thing to do". Others will tell you to to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.


The cost/benefit doesn't stack up for her. She isn't sufficiently interested in the results to want to take on the discomfort and effort.
Would you give the same advice to someone whose spouse was addicted to alcohol or drugs? 80 lbs over weight can lead to serious health issues...and food addiction is a real thing.
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post #30 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 02:20 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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Would you give the same advice to someone whose spouse was addicted to alcohol or drugs? 80 lbs over weight can lead to serious health issues...and food addiction is a real thing.
Yeah, I would advise them to get to a doctor/dietician, even make an appointment, but I still can't make them do it. Whether it's obesity, heroin or whisky, the user has to be the one who gives up, for themself. You can't give up for them. You can support them, but you can't "make" them do it. Unless and until they want to, you're just hot air.

Kushti divvus, pali i peni!
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