Time for little update - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 09:44 AM
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Re: Time for little update

We make mistakes in life and learn from them. You married MrsCuddleBug for all the wrong reasons. Maybe she made more $$ than you at the time or came from a wealthy family. You treated her like a good business decision, instead of a lover. I did the same exact mistake on my first marriage. I fixed it with a divorce and found the right woman for me. Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes and correct them.
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post #62 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

I needed a bit of a break.

Lots on the go right now but I have some time.


Mrs.CuddleBug said to me today, we don't do that much together and communicate, etc. I told her, you have a very low sex drive and need to lose 80+ lbs. I don't see you doing anything and that would go a very long way. No response from Mrs.CuddleBug.


I take care of myself, diet, exercise, for my health, longevity and for my marriage, Mrs.CuddleBug. I do not talk and make excuses and nothing happens.

Mrs.CuddleBug does none of this. Her choices. Its not about money, we have lots or going out, we have our own vehicles. I would say its laziness, simple as that.

I don't care if someone can lose 10 lbs, we all can. But when its 80+ lbs and getting bigger, there is a real problem.

A healthy marriage is also a sexual one. That means neither spouse is sexually starved. If one spouse has a low sex drive, knows this is an issue, they can either take care of their other spouse needs as their own or they can do nothing and be selfish.


When we first got married, I was making the big money and she was a waitress with tips. I worked full time 10 hour shifts and she did evenings.

Over our 17 years together our local economy changed for the worse and major industry left, replaced with more retail and service based jobs. Low paying.

Today Mrs.CuddleBug makes the big money were as I had to start over but recently I got a good raise, we like you and what you do, etc. Plus I get us medical and dental coverage.


Has Mrs.CuddleBug let herself go? YES.

If she physically lazy? I would say yes because if she took care of herself, there would be no need to lose 80+ lbs.

I'd say we have a great marriage, just not a physical sexual marriage.


Its sad that LD spouses never have to change, we shouldn't of married them, its all our fault, etc.

How about this? LD spouses know they are LD and why don't they do some changing? Why is it one sided?


I don't see Mrs.CuddleBug like a sister.

Mrs.CuddleBug is a kind, loving, smart, caring woman. Great qualities in a wife. True.


People aren't stupid. If you need to lose a lot of weight, its obvious and you shouldn't need to be told that.

Having a healthy fun sex drive with your spouse is also common sense. You really think having sex 1x month is healthy? No, its not.

I am a man with man needs. I love women. That means physicality and sex are a major part of it and not talking and how are you feeling.

You don't need to be taught that. Common sense.

I am not seeing anyone. No EA and no PA.


If Mrs.CuddleBug got off her butt, got in shape, made up for the last 17 years of 1x month sex, yah, I'd be the happiest guy out there. No question about that.

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post #63 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Time for little update

Sorry for your situation. Would you be ok with her losing 70lbs while still only wanting sex once monthly? What about heavy and HD?



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #64 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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Sorry for your situation. Would you be ok with her losing 70lbs while still only wanting sex once monthly? What about heavy and HD?

For me, there is no specific number of weight to lose. It's more lose weight to get in shape.

Going to a local gym after work, weights, cardio, buy their supplements, get a personal trainer, watching what you eat according to the personal trainer, doing this consistently year after year, you will get in shape and lose that weight. Then when you finally get there, you will say, why didn't I do this long ago? Now you'll be healthier, live longer, feel confident about your body and watch the sex drive go way up as well.

Now I personally don't find obese ladies sexually attractive. It tells me they don't care about their bodies, health, longevity, etc. and to be honest, I don't want to see them naked. Being totally honest here.

Any woman that only wants sex 1x month, is not for me. That is a low sex drive lady and that physical bond between us will never be there. She is no different than meeting a lady at a party, having sex and meeting another lady at another party one month later. A loving and sexual wife should be taking care of her mans needs and rocking his world, out of love and take care of his needs as her own and being his wife. This goes the other way as well, us guys taking care of our ladies needs.

If the guy is always physically and sexually starved, the wife isn't being very loving and taking care of him. Only herself.

And then I see posts here on guys viewing porn, getting addicted, meeting ladies who want a friend with only the benefits, and the list goes on. Same with the ladies with a guy who is LD.

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post #65 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:47 PM
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Re: Time for little update

So...What are you going to do about it?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #66 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

I am going to take care of myself even more, even better shape, maybe meet new friends, get myself a few more hobbies, etc.

If Mrs.CuddleBug doesn't want to take care of herself and get a healthy sex drive, that is on her now, but everything flows from that as well.

I will not be miserable. I will enjoy life more whether she wishes to be a part of that or not. She knows what she has to do.

I will not let myself get obese and have little to no sex drive.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.

Last edited by CuddleBug; 02-18-2017 at 05:57 PM.
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post #67 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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Sorry for your situation. Would you be ok with her losing 70lbs while still only wanting sex once monthly? What about heavy and HD?
Losing the weight is not going to do much LD wise. My wife weighs 125 lb and during our best times she was 130-135 at best.

Some common wisdom says too much exercise kills desire, which I believe. Also it kills time and stamina. Who has time or energy for sex after today's 30 mile bike ride?
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post #68 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 06:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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Losing the weight is not going to do much LD wise. My wife weighs 125 lb and during our best times she was 130-135 at best.

Some common wisdom says too much exercise kills desire, which I believe. Also it kills time and stamina. Who has time or energy for sex after today's 30 mile bike ride?

I have no issues working an 8 hour day, getting home, some minor amount of chores, have a mini nap and get weight training. Nice shower, watch some tv, make food for work, chill, talk about our day, etc.

Exercise gets my blood pumping, testosterone up and my sex drive goes up.

Doing a 30 mile bike ride will not build muscle, which in turn burns more fat 24/7. All that does is some cardio, leans out your existing muscle and that's it.

Mrs.CuddleBug says who has time for that? And now she is 80+ lbs over weight and getting bigger....

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post #69 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 06:01 PM
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Re: Time for little update

So you're going to do exactly what you have always done, without changing anything while as always expecting different results.

Nuts.
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post #70 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 06:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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So you're going to do exactly what you have always done, without changing anything while as always expecting different results.

Nuts.

I guess I'm still hoping one day she will see living a healthy lifestyle is a good thing.

I'm married to her, sickness and health, richer or poorer, good times and bad. I know that sounds cheesy but those are my marriage vows and its not a piece of paper to me.

Will we eventually divorce? Definitely a possibility. I don't know at this point to be honest.

Do I want to be married to a lady who might be 250+ lbs, no sex drive and I have to push her around in a wheel chair? I won't let it get to that point......I would be gone at that point. That's my don't cross line.

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post #71 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 06:55 PM
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Re: Time for little update

You know, I have gone months without posting. Months. And then, I see this post, CB, and you complaining about your wife... yet? Still? Again? You seem to think if she loses weight, she will automatically want sex. You seem to think that she is going to require a wheelchair at 250+ pounds. Didn't you JUST say you are only a few pounds shy of that "magical weight", yourself? Do you require a wheelchair? Hey, you know what, let's change gears for a minute here.

I am, more than likely, a larger woman than your wife. I have a HIGHER drive than my husband, who is currently, based on your description of yourself, a little bigger than you. Like @badsanta mentioned a few days ago, total penetration IS possible, in multiple positions, even at higher weights. Again, I speak from experience. Our sex life is, essentially, nearly sexless... but guess what. It is NOT because of my size. If left up to me, it would be, AT MINIMUM, twice a week... but, my husband's drive is lower than mine, due mostly to health problems, including a low testosterone level (which is being addressed).

But, here is the BIG difference, which you fail to see about your own... I married my husband, knowing what his drive was like, as well as my own, and we were COMPATIBLE from the start. You and Mrs.CB were not, and still are not. YOU accepted her lower drive, from the beginning, but you EXPECTED her to change, to want sex more frequently. That is not how she is built. It is JUST as WRONG to expect YOU to decide that you want sex only once a month. You are not built that way. And, I believe you felt that way from the start, too. No, you should NOT be expected to "settle" for once a month. However, she should NOT be EXPECTED to have sex more often. Why? Because she has been like this from the beginning, and you knew it, yet married her anyway. YOU told her, by proposing and then marrying, that YOU are ok with sex once a month. You don't like it? Then DO something about it instead of constantly complaining about it!

Now, back to that ridiculous wheelchair comment... Are you freaking kidding me? Even at my HIGHEST weight, I did NOT require a wheelchair for my husband to push me around. You, sir, are very insulting. And, another thing. Even after losing 200 pound... yes, you read correctly, I lost TWO HUNDRED POUNDS... I was STILL above your magical "250+" weight... and still am. The ONLY thing I require is a CANE, and ONLY because of my hip, which was broken when I was 23. I am now 41, and unattractive by your standards, but I get around without a wheelchair. In fact, I could probably get away with using a scooter at the store when I am shopping, but I choose to walk... because I CAN. My guess is your wife is the same way.

You want the honest truth, CB? I think someone else touched on this earlier, but I will state it again. She probably gained the weight back ON PURPOSE, to get you to leave her alone. She KNOWS you don't think fat people are attractive. That is your prerogative. But, since she knows this, and gained weight ANYWAY... THINK! Why would she do that, knowing what you think about fat people? To get you to leave her alone about sex.

Now, what are you going to do about it? Sulk? Tell her you can't keep on like this? Keep complaining about her? Or take some real freaking action???

Good grief.

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post #72 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:15 PM
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Re: Time for little update

Welcome back @Maricha75 You were missed.

CB, Mrs Blue reached 280. Didn't need a wheelchair.

She lost 100 lbs and her sex drive did not increase.

Unlike you i did know my wife's sex drive would drop off. Right after marriage a coworker said i would have more sex in first year than all the others combined. If laughed in his face. I'm not laughing now.

My sex drive has increased significantly last few years. That's why i ended up here.

The only options are to find a new partner or stop complaining.
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post #73 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:16 PM
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Re: Time for little update

I know two people with 300 lb+ wives. One is in an open marriage and the other is uber religious. The weight is not the problem for the wives' lack of desire.

The bike rides are fun, and really help me think more than anything else. Plus we do them together, which would be a huge plus in a healthier marriage... Ask her how she feels about riding, it's easy, pretty beneficial, and you can start slow and easy. Unfortunately I see a lot more overweight guys on the trail - myself included - than gals.
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post #74 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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You know, I have gone months without posting. Months. And then, I see this post, CB, and you complaining about your wife... yet? Still? Again? You seem to think if she loses weight, she will automatically want sex. You seem to think that she is going to require a wheelchair at 250+ pounds. Didn't you JUST say you are only a few pounds shy of that "magical weight", yourself? Do you require a wheelchair? Hey, you know what, let's change gears for a minute here.

I am, more than likely, a larger woman than your wife. I have a HIGHER drive than my husband, who is currently, based on your description of yourself, a little bigger than you. Like @badsanta mentioned a few days ago, total penetration IS possible, in multiple positions, even at higher weights. Again, I speak from experience. Our sex life is, essentially, nearly sexless... but guess what. It is NOT because of my size. If left up to me, it would be, AT MINIMUM, twice a week... but, my husband's drive is lower than mine, due mostly to health problems, including a low testosterone level (which is being addressed).

But, here is the BIG difference, which you fail to see about your own... I married my husband, knowing what his drive was like, as well as my own, and we were COMPATIBLE from the start. You and Mrs.CB were not, and still are not. YOU accepted her lower drive, from the beginning, but you EXPECTED her to change, to want sex more frequently. That is not how she is built. It is JUST as WRONG to expect YOU to decide that you want sex only once a month. You are not built that way. And, I believe you felt that way from the start, too. No, you should NOT be expected to "settle" for once a month. However, she should NOT be EXPECTED to have sex more often. Why? Because she has been like this from the beginning, and you knew it, yet married her anyway. YOU told her, by proposing and then marrying, that YOU are ok with sex once a month. You don't like it? Then DO something about it instead of constantly complaining about it!

Now, back to that ridiculous wheelchair comment... Are you freaking kidding me? Even at my HIGHEST weight, I did NOT require a wheelchair for my husband to push me around. You, sir, are very insulting. And, another thing. Even after losing 200 pound... yes, you read correctly, I lost TWO HUNDRED POUNDS... I was STILL above your magical "250+" weight... and still am. The ONLY thing I require is a CANE, and ONLY because of my hip, which was broken when I was 23. I am now 41, and unattractive by your standards, but I get around without a wheelchair. In fact, I could probably get away with using a scooter at the store when I am shopping, but I choose to walk... because I CAN. My guess is your wife is the same way.

You want the honest truth, CB? I think someone else touched on this earlier, but I will state it again. She probably gained the weight back ON PURPOSE, to get you to leave her alone. She KNOWS you don't think fat people are attractive. That is your prerogative. But, since she knows this, and gained weight ANYWAY... THINK! Why would she do that, knowing what you think about fat people? To get you to leave her alone about sex.

Now, what are you going to do about it? Sulk? Tell her you can't keep on like this? Keep complaining about her? Or take some real freaking action???

Good grief.

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The body you have and how you change it is up to your lifestyle. Weight trainers get those results from a good solid diet and weight training. Obese people aren't born obese. You have to work at that as well. No exercise and solid diet will do that. Both bodies you must work at to get those results. You aren't born either way.

You think being obese is good on the joints, hips, etc. when you get older? Less chance of disease? Diabetes? Heart attack? High blood pressure? Quite the opposite.

I took care of myself. She didn't. I am in good shape, she is obese. I can lift a lot of weight and I'm very strong. I can lift those wheel chairs.....

Something I haven't mentioned is I can only get 1/3 of myself in her because of her size being in the way. I don't like that at all.

You'd want sex minimum 2x week? Your hubby is a very lucky man. I haven't had sex 2x week or more with Mrs.CuddleBug. That's too much you see and all I want is sex sex sex That's bad.

To be honest, I never really knew Mrs.CuddleBug was that LD and insecure. Sure, the first stage of being married you get used to each other and grow together. But after a few years I realized she was treated badly because of her size, making her extremely insecure and non physical and doesn't want sex much. Nothing to do with me. She never got over that and the help she needed to grow.

I initiated often, learned much from TAM and she really noticed and appreciated that but in the end, didn't get her to take care of herself and get a healthy sex drive.

Has she gained all the weight back to avoid me? I doubt it. I was already giving her a lot of space to begin with and she still likes to eat chips, dip, her laptop, watch tv and talk on the phone with her sis and parents. In fact, I'd say she does it more now because she has more space. She doesn't complain because I'm always around her.

Do I find large ladies sexually attractive? No.

It tells me they don't take care of themselves and it shows.

You only have one physical body. Why not take care of it?

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post #75 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:40 PM
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Re: Time for little update

Try rereading your above post.

Don't you understand that you are getting exactly what you choose?
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