Time for little update - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:57 PM
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Re: Time for little update

Quote:
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Try rereading your above post.



Don't you understand that you are getting exactly what you choose?


That ^^^ post fits nearly every OP here.
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post #77 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:00 PM
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Re: Time for little update

How much did she weigh when you married her?

How much does she weigh now?

How tall is she and how old is she?

Exactly how much do you weigh and your height?
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post #78 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:11 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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The body you have and how you change it is up to your lifestyle. Weight trainers get those results from a good solid diet and weight training. Obese people aren't born obese. You have to work at that as well. No exercise and solid diet will do that. Both bodies you must work at to get those results. You aren't born either way.

You think being obese is good on the joints, hips, etc. when you get older? Less chance of disease? Diabetes? Heart attack? High blood pressure? Quite the opposite.

I took care of myself. She didn't. I am in good shape, she is obese. I can lift a lot of weight and I'm very strong. I can lift those wheel chairs.....

Something I haven't mentioned is I can only get 1/3 of myself in her because of her size being in the way. I don't like that at all.

You'd want sex minimum 2x week? Your hubby is a very lucky man. I haven't had sex 2x week or more with Mrs.CuddleBug. That's too much you see and all I want is sex sex sex That's bad.

To be honest, I never really knew Mrs.CuddleBug was that LD and insecure. Sure, the first stage of being married you get used to each other and grow together. But after a few years I realized she was treated badly because of her size, making her extremely insecure and non physical and doesn't want sex much. Nothing to do with me. She never got over that and the help she needed to grow.

I initiated often, learned much from TAM and she really noticed and appreciated that but in the end, didn't get her to take care of herself and get a healthy sex drive.

Has she gained all the weight back to avoid me? I doubt it. I was already giving her a lot of space to begin with and she still likes to eat chips, dip, her laptop, watch tv and talk on the phone with her sis and parents. In fact, I'd say she does it more now because she has more space. She doesn't complain because I'm always around her.

Do I find large ladies sexually attractive? No.

It tells me they don't take care of themselves and it shows.

You only have one physical body. Why not take care of it?
You're. Not. Getting. It.

She was like this FROM THE BEGINNING. The cues were there from the start. You JUST said that she has had body issues because she was treated badly because of her size. And, yet, how are YOU approaching her on this? She knows of your disdain for fat people. If you think she is not picking up on this, you are kidding yourself.

You say that you can only get 1/3 inside because of her size. And I am telling you, FLAT OUT, that even with a larger size, it absolutely IS possible for total penetration. Seriously, CB, I was OVER 400 pounds at one time (top weight before surgery), and my husband is about average, and there were NO problems in other positions. Even now, we are both still bigger people and STILL no issues in that area. I'm sorry, but I am gonna call you on that one being SOLELY because of her weight. Now, I am really curious. What is her height and approximate weight? At my lowest, after weight loss surgery, I was roughly 260, and am 5'3". So, yea, I definitely don't buy your claim about it being ONLY because of her size.

I NEVER said there are no risk factors, or even fewer risk factors to being overweight/obese. You think it is easy for EVERYONE to just like the weight because you have been able to do it. It isn't. Now, don't jump on that, so quickly. I said it isn't EASY for everyone, not that it is IMPOSSIBLE. In my case, I took the last resort... surgery. It definitely wasn't easy. Still isn't. There was a time when I did require a wheelchair... when I broke my hip in a car accident. And scooters for awhile when shopping. But, now, I choose to walk when I am shopping. I choose to walk to my kids' bus stop everyday, twice a day. And, when the weather is decent, I walk with my kids to the elementary school so they can play on the playground, and we walk to the store to do a little light shopping... things that the 4 of us can easily carry in backpacks.

But, according to YOU, I am lazy. You, sir, do not know me. You know nothing about my life, my level of activity, on a daily basis. You only know what I post here, and based on only that, you have labeled me as lazy. You, CB, don't want to know what I REALLY think about you. And, because I don't want to get into trouble by getting creative around the language filters, you won't know... but use your imagination! Suffice it to say, I am siding with your wife, here. Not because she is LD, and not because she is overweight/obese. I am siding with her, solely based on what YOU have posted here, and your attitude toward her. She has showed her true self to you from the start. You, however, have changed, and expect her to become someone she is not. You cannot force her. The only thing you CAN do is decide if you want to continue in a marriage with a woman you are not compatible with... or you can end the marriage. Your choice.

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post #79 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:12 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
How much did she weigh when you married her?

How much does she weigh now?

How tall is she and how old is she?

Exactly how much do you weigh and your height?
Iirc, he said he is 6'2" and about 230. But I am definitely curious about the rest you are asking about his wife.

ETA: I checked one of his posts. Back in July, him - 6'2"...225, her - 5'10"... 230-ish. So, close to same height and weight for the two of them.

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Last edited by Maricha75; 02-18-2017 at 08:56 PM.
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post #80 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:30 PM
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Time for little update

I fully understand and acknowledge the difficulty OP is having with penetration. Depending on their height difference and how and where the weight is distributed this is a problem for many, including this poster. This is real, not BS.

For most, the weight problem is due to overconsumption of calories. I type this while Mrs and I eat most of our own pizzas just delivered.
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post #81 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:35 PM
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Re: Time for little update

If this is what she chooses, it's her life. If you can't live with her choices about her life, and you feel that you can do better now (although apparently you didn't feel you could do better then or you would have kept looking), then you need to move on.

There likely are plenty of women out there who look like your teenage co-worker, if that's what you're still after, but you need to be single to pursue them.

Accept. Leave. Those are your choices. You've heard all of this many times before.
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post #82 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:36 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I fully understand and acknowledge the difficulty OP is having with penetration. Depending on their height difference and how and where the weight is distributed this is a problem for many, including this poster.
Badsanta gave him an idea to compensate. And, I am sorry, but I don't buy that it is all her fault that he cannot penetrate completely. He is putting it ALL on her, that it is ONLY because of her weight. I don't buy it. As an overweight and short woman, I refuse to believe that it is all her fault that he cannot fully penetrate in any position other than doggy. Yes, height and other factors can, and often do, play a large part in the dynamic. However, that is NOT what CB has stated. He said, twice, it is because of her size... and only her size. THAT, I do not buy. And nothing will convince me otherwise.

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post #83 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:39 PM
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Re: Time for little update

CB,

It is incredibly toxic for both yourself and C2 for you to make totally contradictory statements. For example (and there is more than one example, I just chose this one because it is so glaring):

I'd say we have a great marriage, just not a physical sexual marriage.


And yet you also say that you are:
1. Very unhappy with C2's choices and the resulting physical outcome of those choices
2. Detaching from her and will eventually leave her if she continues down the current path

--------------
One of your biggest issues is your unwillingness to state the truth of your situation which is:
1. You are very unhappy.
2. Are steadily losing love and respect for your wife.
3. Are on a slow but steady trajectory towards divorce.
4. Your wife knows that and seems to accept it.

---------
THAT is not a GREAT marriage.




Quote:
Originally Posted by CuddleBug View Post
I needed a bit of a break.

Lots on the go right now but I have some time.


Mrs.CuddleBug said to me today, we don't do that much together and communicate, etc. I told her, you have a very low sex drive and need to lose 80+ lbs. I don't see you doing anything and that would go a very long way. No response from Mrs.CuddleBug.


I take care of myself, diet, exercise, for my health, longevity and for my marriage, Mrs.CuddleBug. I do not talk and make excuses and nothing happens.

Mrs.CuddleBug does none of this. Her choices. Its not about money, we have lots or going out, we have our own vehicles. I would say its laziness, simple as that.

I don't care if someone can lose 10 lbs, we all can. But when its 80+ lbs and getting bigger, there is a real problem.

A healthy marriage is also a sexual one. That means neither spouse is sexually starved. If one spouse has a low sex drive, knows this is an issue, they can either take care of their other spouse needs as their own or they can do nothing and be selfish.


When we first got married, I was making the big money and she was a waitress with tips. I worked full time 10 hour shifts and she did evenings.

Over our 17 years together our local economy changed for the worse and major industry left, replaced with more retail and service based jobs. Low paying.

Today Mrs.CuddleBug makes the big money were as I had to start over but recently I got a good raise, we like you and what you do, etc. Plus I get us medical and dental coverage.


Has Mrs.CuddleBug let herself go? YES.

If she physically lazy? I would say yes because if she took care of herself, there would be no need to lose 80+ lbs.

I'd say we have a great marriage, just not a physical sexual marriage.


Its sad that LD spouses never have to change, we shouldn't of married them, its all our fault, etc.

How about this? LD spouses know they are LD and why don't they do some changing? Why is it one sided?


I don't see Mrs.CuddleBug like a sister.

Mrs.CuddleBug is a kind, loving, smart, caring woman. Great qualities in a wife. True.


People aren't stupid. If you need to lose a lot of weight, its obvious and you shouldn't need to be told that.

Having a healthy fun sex drive with your spouse is also common sense. You really think having sex 1x month is healthy? No, its not.

I am a man with man needs. I love women. That means physicality and sex are a major part of it and not talking and how are you feeling.

You don't need to be taught that. Common sense.

I am not seeing anyone. No EA and no PA.


If Mrs.CuddleBug got off her butt, got in shape, made up for the last 17 years of 1x month sex, yah, I'd be the happiest guy out there. No question about that.
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post #84 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Time for little update

CB, you talk alot about how things should be, but you need to accept how things were since you first met her...

Or divorce...

May not seem fair or "how things should be", but it is what it is...

Evidently she finds change more difficult for herself than you did for yourself, so quit the complaining and check out those lovely ladies who give you the attention you sorely need and make a date. Then tell Ms. CB that you made said date. Notice her reaction, then come back and tell us.

Meanwhile, i'll bet that she felt that you would lose attraction to her once you supposedly changed from nerd to "more attractive man". She expects this reaction from you, every woman does. This hostility is expected, the "why can't you be the hot wife I deserve" rant is expected. I'll bet she sees the disappointment in your eyes.

But, you stay. Why? Because you don't want to be one of those guys who dumps the loyal wife for the hottie, you dont want the eyes rolling saying, "See, he's just like those other shallow men". Maricha summed up your story, you was the nerd who wanted the hot girl, instead you ended up with your wife, now you are angry because she won't change, because she is just supposed to....want to change....

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post #85 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 08:16 AM
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Re: Time for little update

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Iirc, he said he is 6'2" and about 230. But I am definitely curious about the rest you are asking about his wife.

ETA: I checked one of his posts. Back in July, him - 6'2"...225, her - 5'10"... 230-ish. So, close to same height and weight for the two of them.

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Hmmm, a 6'2" and 225 lbs brings in a bmi of 28.9. 30 is obese. He would have to lose 35 lbs (190) to be considered normal weight. If she lost 80 lbs, she would weigh 150 which may be considered too thin for her. She would need to get down to 170 to be in the normal range. That's only 20 lbs difference.

All things considered, @CuddleBug, would you be happy if she dropped down to 205 lbs?
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post #86 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 10:16 AM
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Time for little update

She is right. Unless you are all muscle you are borderline obese according to the BMI chart.

Lead by example. Lose your weight. Cook healthy meals. Buy healthy snacks.

Is she self medicating depression with food?

Last edited by blueinbr; 02-19-2017 at 10:53 AM.
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post #87 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

You guys have no clue about BMI.....all clueless here.

I weight train. That means I am more muscular, stronger and leaner than those who do nothing and are the same weight. Anyone who is into health, nutrition and weight training knows this.

So someone who is 230 lbs who doesn't weight train needs to lose weight.

Someone who does weight train, muscular and leaner doesn't need to lose that weight because its not FAT. Big difference to those who really understand BMI. Those who do not will say stuff like that.

My blood pressure is around 110 / 70. I have a digital blood pressure arm band.


With all the technologies, medical advances, knowledge about foods and nutrition and gyms everywhere, there is no excuse to be obese today. Some people still make excuses and are physically lazy and it catches up fast, were as others do take care of themselves and when they get older it shows. Fate is what you make. What you put in you get out.


Again, one last time people, there is no specific number of weight to lose. Its what Mrs.CuddleBug can do and as the years progress, more weight comes off, she can buy those clothes she's always wanted to wear, her confidence about her body will go up and everything else, sex drive, will follow.


If I was 300 to 400 lbs, morbidly obese, I wouldn't want my wife to see me naked at all. I would be ashamed I let myself go that bad. No excuses. You wouldn't see me at the beach either.


I'm going to try something different. I will start surprising her with dinners after work, but very healthy alternatives. So the wrap zone, vegies, chicken, unwraps. Or a healthy sub from subway. This way, hopefully, less chips and dip and bad foods on her part. Some people can control what they eat and I guess she can't as much. I have to be stricter when I grocery shop. Larger variety but even healthier. That's a positive start.

Most of her female friends are large ladies. Maybe that's why she doesn't take care of herself? Being obese is okay. No pressure to get in shape.


I don't know what our future holds. Could be divorce and could be she finally takes care of herself.


We all have choices in life. No one makes us do anything we don't wish to do. And the outcomes are very clear.


If Mrs.CuddleBug was in shape, we wouldn't have penetration issues. Her size is getting in the way. That's not my doing. We should be able to do all positions without her size getting in the way.


People that don't take care of their one physical body I have zero sympathy for. Ether you take care of yourself or you don't.


I am not looking at teenage ladies....were did that come from? Sounds like a large person lashing out because they didn't take care of themselves and need something to blame it on. I look at ladies even in their 50's. Why? Because they took care of themselves and it really shows.


I'm going to get a gym pass again. Maybe Mrs.CuddleBug will see that and get a pass as well? Maybe that's what it will take. I will try and let everyone know and same with me controlling the diet more. Updates will come.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.

Last edited by CuddleBug; 02-19-2017 at 02:53 PM.
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post #88 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:19 PM
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Re: Time for little update

@CuddleBug have you ever thought she has a true blue addiction to food? It exists. Would you be more sympathetic if you approached it from that angle?
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post #89 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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@CuddleBug have you ever thought she has a true blue addiction to food? It exists. Would you be more sympathetic if you approached it from that angle?

If Mrs.CuddleBug has a food addiction, that's news to me.


When we first started dating, she was a vegetarian and even missed meals to try and lose weight but she never did weights / cardio.

She had low iron levels and when she took a coin and rubbed it on her skin, it left a mark, from lack of iron.

After we got married, she stopped being a vegetarian and now eats chicken and turkey in her diet and peanut butter. No red meats though because red meat is hard to digest, turns to fat easier and you are prone to more diseases.

I eat way more than she does. I'd say 2x as much daily but that's the calories I need to maintain my size. So I might eat 4000 calories a day were as she eats 2000 calories a day.

If she's eating badly, addicted to food behind my back, it would show on our bank accounts, credit and debit cards. Nothing there out of the ordinary.

I think its just a matter of going to a gym, getting a trainer, doing some weights / cardio 5 to 6 days each week. That will raise her metabolism, and the weight starts coming off. But diet alone doesn't work. It has to be diet and physical fitness.

If I only ate healthy and never weight trained, I would not be the size and strength I am today. Diet alone doesn't do much.

Diet alone is the least amount of effort and easy way out.

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post #90 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:42 PM
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Re: Time for little update

I think your demanding, demeaning attitude towards your wife is hurting your wife. No wonder she doesn't have any motivation to do better in the marriage and spends so much time on the phone with her family. She obviously isn't getting emotional support from you. Instead she is a fat, unattractive, lazy, foolish, disappointment to you. You're never going to see a change in the direction you want it. As long as you hang onto your view that you are right and must be obeyed in the things you have outlined, your marriage will continue to go down hill as the distance between you grows.

I feel bad for your wife. Does she ever tell you that you're mean?

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