Time for little update - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:46 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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If Mrs.CuddleBug has a food addiction, that's news to me.


When we first started dating, she was a vegetarian and even missed meals to try and lose weight but she never did weights / cardio.

She had low iron levels and when she took a coin and rubbed it on her skin, it left a mark, from lack of iron.

After we got married, she stopped being a vegetarian and now eats chicken and turkey in her diet and peanut butter. No red meats though because red meat is hard to digest, turns to fat easier and you are prone to more diseases.

I eat way more than she does. I'd say 2x as much daily but that's the calories I need to maintain my size. So I might eat 4000 calories a day were as she eats 2000 calories a day.

If she's eating badly, addicted to food behind my back, it would show on our bank accounts, credit and debit cards. Nothing there out of the ordinary.

I think its just a matter of going to a gym, getting a trainer, doing some weights / cardio 5 to 6 days each week. That will raise her metabolism, and the weight starts coming off. But diet alone doesn't work. It has to be diet and physical fitness.

If I only ate healthy and never weight trained, I would not be the size and strength I am today. Diet alone doesn't do much.

Diet alone is the least amount of effort and easy way out.
Since money is a non-issue, have both of you explored hiring a personal trainer to come to the house? I am willing to bet that she feels extremely uncomfortable going out in public and working up a sweat.

Gyms can be very intimidating. It can be a huge mental hurdle to get there.
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post #92 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Time for little update

I've read this thread and don't frequent the forum often so am responding only to what I see on the thread, no judgement based on any previous posts.

I feel sympathy for your wife. You say many times she is lazy, you find obesity unattractive, she does not look after herself and you did say something like you wouldn't hold her hand because she's a grown woman so should do it herself. Based on this thread, that seems a little unsupportive to me (others imply you're a caring man so apologies if that's way off the mark).

Imagining myself in her position, I would have zero self-esteem right now (and I believe low self-esteem is often a catalyst for over-eating).

Is she aware of how repulsive you find her weight? Have you made absolutely transparent your feelings? I figure if she knows it could lead to divorce, it may be the shock she needs to make changes.

You say she earns a good income so preumably she can't possibly be 'lazy' at work. Is her job stressful?
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post #93 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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You guys have no clue about BMI.....all clueless here.

I weight train. That means I am more muscular, stronger and leaner than those who do nothing and are the same weight. Anyone who is into health, nutrition and weight training knows this.

So someone who is 230 lbs who doesn't weight train needs to lose weight.

Someone who does weight train, muscular and leaner doesn't need to lose that weight because its not FAT. Big difference to those who really understand BMI. Those who do not will say stuff like that.

My blood pressure is around 110 / 70. I have a digital blood pressure arm band.


With all the technologies, medical advances, knowledge about foods and nutrition and gyms everywhere, there is no excuse to be obese today. Some people still make excuses and are physically lazy and it catches up fast, were as others do take care of themselves and when they get older it shows. Fate is what you make. What you put in you get out.


Again, one last time people, there is no specific number of weight to lose. Its what Mrs.CuddleBug can do and as the years progress, more weight comes off, she can buy those clothes she's always wanted to wear, her confidence about her body will go up and everything else, sex drive, will follow.


If I was 300 to 400 lbs, morbidly obese, I wouldn't want my wife to see me naked at all. I would be ashamed I let myself go that bad. No excuses. You wouldn't see me at the beach either.


I'm going to try something different. I will start surprising her with dinners after work, but very healthy alternatives. So the wrap zone, vegies, chicken, unwraps. Or a healthy sub from subway. This way, hopefully, less chips and dip and bad foods on her part. Some people can control what they eat and I guess she can't as much. I have to be stricter when I grocery shop. Larger variety but even healthier. That's a positive start.

Most of her female friends are large ladies. Maybe that's why she doesn't take care of herself? Being obese is okay. No pressure to get in shape.


I don't know what our future holds. Could be divorce and could be she finally takes care of herself.


We all have choices in life. No one makes us do anything we don't wish to do. And the outcomes are very clear.


If Mrs.CuddleBug was in shape, we wouldn't have penetration issues. Her size is getting in the way. That's not my doing. We should be able to do all positions without her size getting in the way.


People that don't take care of their one physical body I have zero sympathy for. Ether you take care of yourself or you don't.


I am not looking at teenage ladies....were did that come from? Sounds like a large person lashing out because they didn't take care of themselves and need something to blame it on. I look at ladies even in their 50's. Why? Because they took care of themselves and it really shows.


I'm going to get a gym pass again. Maybe Mrs.CuddleBug will see that and get a pass as well? Maybe that's what it will take. I will try and let everyone know and same with me controlling the diet more. Updates will come.
A bunch of "it's all her fault" nonsense.

Ftr, both Blondilocks and I used a BMI calculator to arrive at the numbers, based on your own posts telling your height/weight and your wife's. Your BMI is roughly 28. Hers is roughly 30. Different makeups, but using BMI calculator ALONE, you are overweight and she is narrowly into obese. I searched for photos,of women with her approximate build/BMI. Nope. Sorry. Still don't see the "it's all her fault I can't fully penetrate". I think most of it is frame of mind. You are disgusted by her body, and that affects your interest in intercourse with her. And, because of that, it also affects the quality of the sex.

Also, I wouldn't want your sympathy, even if you offered it. You are right about one thing, though. Our lives are whatever we make them. I was ashamed of MYSELF when I was almost 500 pounds. I did do something about it. And I do what I am physically capable of doing, even now. It wouldn't be up to your standards, but thankfully, I don't have to worry about what you think of me. I am 41 years old, definitely not within your standards, yet I must be doing SOMETHING right. I have a happy husband (happy with me, our life, even with other outside problems), great friends... and even strange children (10 year old daughter's classmates) thinking I am much younger than I am. Even a woman who is almost young enough to be my daughter was floored when I told her my age. I showed her my license and she still didn't want to believe it.

Are you sure her friends are actually obese, or are they just larger than YOUR standards? Again, good thing they don't have to please you, right? 😊

Good luck with your wife. I hope she makes the changes she needs, but for herself.

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post #94 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:06 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I think your demanding, demeaning attitude towards your wife is hurting your wife. No wonder she doesn't have any motivation to do better in the marriage and spends so much time on the phone with her family. She obviously isn't getting emotional support from you. Instead she is a fat, unattractive, lazy, foolish, disappointment to you. You're never going to see a change in the direction you want it. As long as you hang onto your view that you are right and must be obeyed in the things you have outlined, your marriage will continue to go down hill as the distance between you grows.

I feel bad for your wife. Does she ever tell you that you're mean?
I'll be honest here... he said there will be updates. I'm hoping the next update is that she has told him to back off and that his constant harping is why she does it...to tick him off. 😊

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post #95 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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I've read this thread and don't frequent the forum often so am responding only to what I see on the thread, no judgement based on any previous posts.

I feel sympathy for your wife. You say many times she is lazy, you find obesity unattractive, she does not look after herself and you did say something like you wouldn't hold her hand because she's a grown woman so should do it herself. Based on this thread, that seems a little unsupportive to me (others imply you're a caring man so apologies if that's way off the mark).

Imagining myself in her position, I would have zero self-esteem right now (and I believe low self-esteem is often a catalyst for over-eating).

Is she aware of how repulsive you find her weight? Have you made absolutely transparent your feelings? I figure if she knows it could lead to divorce, it may be the shock she needs to make changes.

You say she earns a good income so preumably she can't possibly be 'lazy' at work. Is her job stressful?


Mrs.CuddleBug had zero self esteem when we first were dating.......insecure about her size, eating badly, etc. She did nothing about it back then.

Today, she still has major self esteem issues........insecure about her size but eats better. She still does nothing about it today.

This has nothing to do with me. She is an adult grown woman. She has control over what she eats, when and how much and if she wants to go to a gym. All her choices.

She's not a child and clueless, needing her hand held, right?


She has a career she enjoys. Yes, it keeps her busy but she loves it. Even gets half of her car maintenance and gas covered, big bonuses, and they treat her really well. It can't be her job and pay.


I did the extreme emotional support, lots of cuddling, talking, and she loves it. But it doesn't change the fact she needs to go to a gym and eat better. That didn't change anything but it made her feel good.


It's almost like I married a girl in a woman's body.

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post #96 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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I'll be honest here... he said there will be updates. I'm hoping the next update is that she has told him to back off and that his constant harping is why she does it...to tick him off. 😊

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I will say nothing to Mrs.CuddleBug about a gym, diet and getting in shape. I will be positive and more supportive. Done.

BUT if nothing changes on her part, months later, you are full of it.

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post #97 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I will say nothing to Mrs.CuddleBug about a gym, diet and getting in shape. I will be positive and more supportive. Done.

BUT if nothing changes on her part, months later, you are full of it.
This is not a change. This is more of the same controlling, demanding attitude. You are just saying that if you do some particular action it should have a response from your wife that you want/expect/demand. She is not an object. She is your wife!

A couple of months of faked kindness isn't going to do you any good. And it's only going to confuse her and upset her more in the long run. The more I read of what you write, the more I think you should leave her asap. She doesn't need that kind of negativity in her life.

Edited to delete incorrect information.


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Last edited by CynthiaDe; 02-19-2017 at 04:32 PM.
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post #98 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:23 PM
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Re: Time for little update

@CynthiaDe, no, he said 230-ish. Which gives her a BMI of about 30...and his is about 28. But, they are close in height AND weight. And looking at pictures online... though BMI calculator says marginally obese, the women look average. Average is not acceptable to CB. Average is fat and lazy to him.

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post #99 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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A bunch of "it's all her fault" nonsense.

Ftr, both Blondilocks and I used a BMI calculator to arrive at the numbers, based on your own posts telling your height/weight and your wife's. Your BMI is roughly 28. Hers is roughly 30. Different makeups, but using BMI calculator ALONE, you are overweight and she is narrowly into obese. I searched for photos,of women with her approximate build/BMI. Nope. Sorry. Still don't see the "it's all her fault I can't fully penetrate". I think most of it is frame of mind. You are disgusted by her body, and that affects your interest in intercourse with her. And, because of that, it also affects the quality of the sex.

Also, I wouldn't want your sympathy, even if you offered it. You are right about one thing, though. Our lives are whatever we make them. I was ashamed of MYSELF when I was almost 500 pounds. I did do something about it. And I do what I am physically capable of doing, even now. It wouldn't be up to your standards, but thankfully, I don't have to worry about what you think of me. I am 41 years old, definitely not within your standards, yet I must be doing SOMETHING right. I have a happy husband (happy with me, our life, even with other outside problems), great friends... and even strange children (10 year old daughter's classmates) thinking I am much younger than I am. Even a woman who is almost young enough to be my daughter was floored when I told her my age. I showed her my license and she still didn't want to believe it.

Are you sure her friends are actually obese, or are they just larger than YOUR standards? Again, good thing they don't have to please you, right? 😊

Good luck with your wife. I hope she makes the changes she needs, but for herself.

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I weight trained most of my life, with an owner who is a professional body builder at his spa/gym. He told me all about BMI and how people who don't weight train, stick to the BMI numbers because they don't have a clue what they're talking about. And I see this over and over again. You are this or that weight, your BMI is too great, you need to lose weight. Yet these people aren't weight training and don't have muscle mass, only FAT. BMI applies to those who don't have muscle mass and are just fat. My blood pressure proves that. My body builder friend who competed, would laugh at you guys about my BMI number is too high but you don't weight train. A man who is 250 lbs muscle, smaller waist, good blood pressure, but his BMI is too high so he's fat and has to lose weight? Absolute nonsense. Someone who is 250+ lbs, no muscle mass, large waist, high blood pressure, they need to lose weight.

Were you born at 500 lbs? No.

Did getting to 500 lbs happen over night because of one cheat meal? No.

Getting to 500 lbs takes years of bad diet and not physically taking care of yourself. All your choices.

Don't get mad and blame others, its all you.

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post #100 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:26 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I will say nothing to Mrs.CuddleBug about a gym, diet and getting in shape. I will be positive and more supportive. Done.

BUT if nothing changes on her part, months later, you are full of it.
Like I said... I hope she wakes up and makes the changes SHE needs to make, not what YOU want her to make. You are free to believe what you wish (that I am "full of it")... I can say the same about you. But, since you are full of yourself... 😊

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post #101 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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This is not a change. This is more of the same controlling, demanding attitude. You are just saying that if you do some particular action it should have a response from your wife that you want/expect/demand. She is not an object. She is your wife!

A couple of months of faked kindness isn't going to do you any good. And it's only going to confuse her and upset her more in the long run. The more I read of what you write, the more I think you should leave her asap. She doesn't need that kind of negativity in her life.

Based on the data that you gave about your wife's size, she is not obese enough to impede penetration, nor is she terribly overweight. Is she really 5' 10" and under 200 lbs? If she is, you have severely misrepresented her level of obesity.

All you're doing is defending a large lady who chose not to take care of herself, now she's obese and yet its somehow not her fault, poor her and she doesn't have to take responsibility for her body. More emotional support, talking, no pushing her to get in shape will somehow now work...........if that was the case, she wouldn't of let herself go in the first place.

She chose not to take care of herself. No one to blame or get mad at but herself.

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post #102 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:33 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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Mrs.CuddleBug had zero self esteem when we first were dating.......insecure about her size, eating badly, etc. She did nothing about it back then.

Today, she still has major self esteem issues........insecure about her size but eats better. She still does nothing about it today.

This has nothing to do with me. She is an adult grown woman. She has control over what she eats, when and how much and if she wants to go to a gym. All her choices.

She's not a child and clueless, needing her hand held, right?


She has a career she enjoys. Yes, it keeps her busy but she loves it. Even gets half of her car maintenance and gas covered, big bonuses, and they treat her really well. It can't be her job and pay.


I did the extreme emotional support, lots of cuddling, talking, and she loves it. But it doesn't change the fact she needs to go to a gym and eat better. That didn't change anything but it made her feel good.


It's almost like I married a girl in a woman's body.
The reason I asked about her job is not because of all its positives. The reason I asked was because well-paid jobs usually contribute to stress, stress can contribute to over-eating. If she's exhausted from work, I wonder if this is exacerbating the situation.

To me, your attitude to this is a little bizarre. She sounds like the perfect woman, apart from she's too heavy/ has a low sex drive. Both of which are solvable. A hard road, granted. But she doesn't sound like she is able to take the first step in that road herself. Is it possible that you just don't want her anymore and are legitimising that with blame?

Have you considered the possibility that your disdain for her is a contributing factor? If she's unhappy with her weight, she probably feels ugly and worthless. If the feelings you have explained here are as clear to her, she will be feeling more ugly and worthless. If she doesn't believe she is worth it, she won't try to change. I know that's unlikely to make sense to you. Have you tried focussing on positives for a while? Letting her know the things you do value about her?
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post #103 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:34 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I weight trained most of my life, with an owner who is a professional body builder at his spa/gym. He told me all about BMI and how people who don't weight train, stick to the BMI numbers because they don't have a clue what they're talking about. And I see this over and over again. You are this or that weight, your BMI is too great, you need to lose weight. Yet these people aren't weight training and don't have muscle mass, only FAT. BMI applies to those who don't have muscle mass and are just fat. My blood pressure proves that. My body builder friend who competed, would laugh at you guys about my BMI number is too high but you don't weight train. A man who is 250 lbs muscle, smaller waist, good blood pressure, but his BMI is too high so he's fat and has to lose weight? Absolute nonsense. Someone who is 250+ lbs, no muscle mass, large waist, high blood pressure, they need to lose weight.

Were you born at 500 lbs? No.

Did getting to 500 lbs happen over night because of one cheat meal? No.

Getting to 500 lbs takes years of bad diet and not physically taking care of yourself. All your choices.

Don't get mad and blame others, its all you.
Lol you are too funny, CB. I never said it happened overnight. Funny thing. You assume that it ALL happened because I ate a poor diet for years, didn't take care of myself, etc. You do realize that there ARE people who don't fit into your little box, right? That there ARE people who eat properly, exercise, yet still gain, right? And, that some of those people have normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar/a1c, etc? My blood pressure and blood sugar has never been high. Even at my top weight. My doctors wete even surprised. Not everyone fits into your cute little wrapped up package. And weight training isn't the be all/end all, either.

You assume I am mad at others? LMAO!! Not even close. Good try, though. 😂

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post #104 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:35 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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All you're doing is defending a large lady who chose not to take care of herself, now she's obese and yet its somehow not her fault, poor her and she doesn't have to take responsibility for her body. More emotional support, talking, no pushing her to get in shape will somehow now work...........if that was the case, she wouldn't of let herself go in the first place.
Sorry, I deleted the information about her weight in my post as it was incorrect.

I never said it isn't her fault that she's obese. She is responsible for her personal health and her weight. Whether she takes responsibility or not is not something you can force her to do. I don't think more emotional support is going to make any difference, because your so called emotional support is not out of love for your wife. It is due to you trying to control her and to get what you want from her. That is not really emotional support. It is manipulation and it's mean. You are being mean to your wife. Your attitude towards your wife is horrid. You are contributing to her problem and probably making it worse.


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post #105 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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Like I said... I hope she wakes up and makes the changes SHE needs to make, not what YOU want her to make. You are free to believe what you wish (that I am "full of it")... I can say the same about you. But, since you are full of yourself... 😊

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I took care of myself....you didn't.

Doesn't mean I'm high on myself at all. It means I took responsibility for my body. No one pushed me to do this. I took the initiative. I worked 10 hour shifts, weight trained and grocery shopped after work. Again, no one pushed me to do this, Mrs.CuddleBug didn't push me either. I did for my health and for her.....fit hubby or obese hubby......not rocket science.

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