Time for little update - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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All you're doing is defending a large lady who chose not to take care of herself, now she's obese and yet its somehow not her fault, poor her and she doesn't have to take responsibility for her body. More emotional support, talking, no pushing her to get in shape will somehow now work...........if that was the case, she wouldn't of let herself go in the first place.

She chose not to take care of herself. No one to blame or get mad at but herself.
And all you are doing is condemning a woman you claim to love. You keep saying she disgusts you. Now, I wonder if she has happened to come across your account on here, possibly seen your posts... In a way, I hope not. It would certainly be devastating to have to read that my spouse is telling strangers that I am disgusting to him. But then, if she did come across these posts, she would see who she is really married to... which might motivate her to make changes... and not the ones you are wanting. 😁

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post #107 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

I took care of myself from the beginning for my health and Mrs.CuddleBug. No complaints on her end.

She chose to do nothing. When married, you are to take care of yourself and for your other half. Fit hubby or obese hubby......fit wife or obese wife.......


It's sad that the larger ladies here, try to blame that on someone else or their hubbies, that they need more emotional support, talking, etc.....they don't take complete responsibility for their choices in life that got them to the size they are today. Got to blame someone else, talk about it more and in the end, talk is just that, talk.

Mrs.CuddleBug is a grown adult woman. Her choices got to her size today. Simple as that.

She ate what she wished, didn't take care of her body like she wished and now she is what she is today. All her choices.

People need to take complete responsibility of their bodies and quit blaming their issues on others.

When that actually happens, watch the fast and positive changes.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.

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post #108 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:51 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I took care of myself....you didn't.

Doesn't mean I'm high on myself at all. It means I took responsibility for my body. No one pushed me to do this. I took the initiative. I worked 10 hour shifts, weight trained and grocery shopped after work. Again, no one pushed me to do this, Mrs.CuddleBug didn't push me either. I did for my health and for her.....fit hubby or obese hubby......not rocket science.
Sigh... you enjoy making assumptions about people, don't you? First, you are correct that getting to 450+ pounds (note, I did not say I was AT 500, only that I was getting close to it) did not happen overnight. But, you are wrong about how long it took to get to that point. Unfortunately, you are in a frame of mind that even when presented with facts about HOW it happens, you refuse to accept it. When someone tells you that YOUR method isn't the right fit for EVERYONE, you refuse to accept it.

No, you did it for yourself. You hoped to mold her into the woman you WANT, rather than love the woman she IS. YOU are the only one who refuses to see this. You think you can turn her into the cookie cutter wife you want. You can't. She is a person. With feelings. Feelings you don't want to acknowledge, only concerning yourself with what YOU want.

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post #109 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:52 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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It's sad that the larger ladies here, try to blame that on someone else or their hubbies, that they need more emotional support, talking, etc.....they don't take complete responsibility for their choices in life that got them to the size they are today. Got to blame someone else, talk about it more and in the end, talk is just that, talk.

Mrs.CuddleBug is a grown adult woman. Her choices got to her size today. Simple as that.

She ate what she wished, didn't take care of her body like she wished and now she is what she is today. All her choices.

People need to take complete responsibility of their bodies and quit blaming their issues on others.

When that actually happens, watch the fast and positive changes.
I am not what anyone would consider to be a large woman. I am a petite woman. I am also not saying that your wife's size is your fault. I am, however, saying that your attitude towards your wife is mean and unrealistic. You are demanding and demeaning towards your wife.

You are so caught up in what your wife should do, but you don't seem to understand your personal responsibility in the relationship to live up to your marriage vows, particularly the one to love your wife. Your attitude is unloving.


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post #110 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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Since money is a non-issue, have both of you explored hiring a personal trainer to come to the house? I am willing to bet that she feels extremely uncomfortable going out in public and working up a sweat.

Gyms can be very intimidating. It can be a huge mental hurdle to get there.

I know this first hand. Very true. But I plowed through that and in a short time period, got over it and no more issues.

But yes, it is a little intimidating at first but nothing you can't handle.

You can pick a gym of your choosing, male or female trainer, all choices.

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post #111 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:53 PM
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Time for little update

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post #112 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:53 PM
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Re: Time for little update

CB,

People need to take complete responsibility for their LIVES and quit blaming their issues on others.


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Originally Posted by CuddleBug View Post
I took care of myself from the beginning for my health and Mrs.CuddleBug. No complaints on her end.

She chose to do nothing. When married, you are to take care of yourself and for your other half. Fit hubby or obese hubby......fit wife or obese wife.......


It's sad that the larger ladies here, try to blame that on someone else or their hubbies, that they need more emotional support, talking, etc.....they don't take complete responsibility for their choices in life that got them to the size they are today. Got to blame someone else, talk about it more and in the end, talk is just that, talk.

Mrs.CuddleBug is a grown adult woman. Her choices got to her size today. Simple as that.

She ate what she wished, didn't take care of her body like she wished and now she is what she is today. All her choices.

People need to take complete responsibility of their bodies and quit blaming their issues on others.

When that actually happens, watch the fast and positive changes.
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post #113 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:54 PM
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Re: Time for little update

You seem so condescending and attacking other people on here for their life choices or their situation shows a clear lack of empathy. Perhaps this is frustration. Do you not see how damaging this attitude could be to your wife though?
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post #114 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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CB,

People need to take complete responsibility for their LIVES and quit blaming their issues on others.

I took complete responsibility of my body, health, diet and now that I'm older, it really shows. No one made me do this or pushed me to do this. 100% my choices in life. I don't blame that on anyone or say Mrs.CuddleBug forced me somehow to do this. 100% responsibility and initiative on my end. I don't need emotional support, talking, etc.......I got it done.

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post #115 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:00 PM
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Re: Time for little update

CB, don't you find it awfully convenient nearly everyone in this thread thinks you are being controlling except you?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #116 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: Time for little update

I find it interesting how you assume that women who are trying to get through to you how your attitude is a huge problem in your marriage are classified as "larger women." There is one woman here who said she had been overweight. Like I said, I am petite. I workout 3-6 times per week and eat a healthy diet to keep my weight down and my energy levels up. I am far from large.

By changing the subject to your perceived idea of what size the ladies here are rather than to the real problem of your attitude towards your wife, you escape taking any responsibility for your attitude. What we are trying to say is that your attitude towards your wife is a huge problem and is contributing to your unhappiness in your marriage and is hurting your wife.

I do understand the BMI issue. I weight more than I did used to, but wear a smaller size due to being so much more fit than I used to be. I have less fat and more muscle than I did before I started a serious exercise routine and limited my carbohydrates.


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post #117 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Time for little update

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You seem so condescending and attacking other people on here for their life choices or their situation shows a clear lack of empathy. Perhaps this is frustration. Do you not see how damaging this attitude could be to your wife though?

Everything aside, Mrs.CuddleBug is master of her body. No one else makes her not exercise and eat what she wishes.


She is an adult grown woman and not a child.


If Mrs.CuddleBug took care of herself, for her health, her own initiative, and no its not going to be quick and easy, I'd see that she is making an effort, instead of nothing.


Again, Mrs.CuddleBug is the size she is due to her choices in life.


When she takes 100% responsibility of her body, no excuses and blaming others, that will be a life changer day for her. Finally break her vicious circle.


I didn't make her do anything and were she is today.


No more blaming others, take responsibility. Put the emotions aside and take responsibility.

I have empathy for those who do take care of themselves, make no excuses, don't blame others for their choices in life and are trying. Complete empathy.

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post #118 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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No more blaming others, take responsibility. Put the emotions aside and take responsibility.
Well then... It appears the two of you have something in common.

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post #119 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Time for little update

Dude you are SOOOOO far off the deep end you can't even see normal.

Yeah I get the BMI thing - I'm 5'8" and 250 and probably can stand to lose 60 lbs but I work out hard, have solid muscle, have decent BP and no real weight related health issues. I'll likely die from cancer which I have that strikes randomly so your whole notion about weight and health is off the mark. There are many other things that get people in the long run.

The other thing is this: many people are just peachy with a physique that you find repulsive - as in - nothing to see here. Nothing to do. No problems, mate. Fine with who I am.

Your notion that "taking care of yourself" means a lean body is by NO means commonly accepted. In fact, I'd say right about the line of obese - according to the BMI computations - is the modern "normal" and very acceptable.

I don't make the rules but I do see what people clearly put out there. In today's society YOU are the one completely out of touch and obsessed with something almost no one else cares about.

When I go to the gym, my trainer says he rarely sees anyone who does anything to benefit themselves. Thin girls / women run the treadmill every time, getting almost no benefit and actually doing harm since they are focusing on half the muscles used in the process. Guys pump ridiculous amounts of weight with their arms and leave out most muscle groups. Most sit on their phones. People have come up to him and talked about me - one guy told him "man TTH looks like the guy that used to be inside the old TTH" like the old me had eaten me ha ha. But my trainer says WTH do they think - the difference is I work hard and they don't. Anyway this aside is just my opinion about working out - and I've been doing this a few years and still have 60 lbs to lose. It's way harder work than 90% of people are willing to do.

People hire the "fittest looking" trainer and they don't know what they're doing.

So I don't know what you expect to happen with your wife. I suspect she is either ok with her weight and won't do anything about it, or is defeated because you find her repulsive and won't do anything about it.

The only chance I see of her doing anything is if she somehow had fun with you doing something she enjoyed that a third party recommended. Like taking up dancing or walking with you or riding a bike or golfing, etc. There has to be something in it for her - and just losing weight is too much of a meh issue to warrant the effort.

Just my $.02. And FYI I've been trying to get my w to take up anything for a few years - and she's thin and fit. But I know her muscle mass is low and as we're in our 50's I know she'll have to work hard to build sufficient muscle mass to ensure she can enjoy the active life she leads for the next several decades. She wouldn't have to lose a pound and she still can't bring herself to make it a priority. My DD15 who started a daily routine with weights can't motivate mom. So I think you're up a creek.

So I'd say start easing into BBW porn, a little every day, until you can get aroused. It's the quickest path to your happiness


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post #120 of 270 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:12 PM
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Re: Time for little update

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I know this first hand. Very true. But I plowed through that and in a short time period, got over it and no more issues.

But yes, it is a little intimidating at first but nothing you can't handle.

You can pick a gym of your choosing, male or female trainer, all choices.
But have you explored the possibility of a personal trainer coming to your house for private sessions? Could you visit that option? You managed to get over the gym hurdle, but not everyone can. You say that it's nothing you can't handle, but how do you know that is true for your wife?

And I mean no disrespect, but your attitude about this issue is indeed unloving. Your responses are quite visceral and vitriolic.

Just because you were and are capable of doing the very hard work of becoming and staying fit, doesn't mean that it is easy for your wife. Clearly it is not. And I will tell you something: even if you don't say one word to your wife, I firmly believe she can feel and see the hatred and disgust emanating from you.

And although I am not a fan of his, I will parrot what Doctor Phil often says: the way you are treating her: how's it working for ya? The answer is, it's not. You have got to change the tide on this. You have got to figure out a way to be accepting and embracing of your wife. If you can't, then let her go.
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