Dude you are SOOOOO far off the deep end you can't even see normal.
Yeah I get the BMI thing - I'm 5'8" and 250 and probably can stand to lose 60 lbs but I work out hard, have solid muscle, have decent BP and no real weight related health issues. I'll likely die from cancer which I have that strikes randomly so your whole notion about weight and health is off the mark. There are many other things that get people in the long run.
The other thing is this: many people are just peachy with a physique that you find repulsive - as in - nothing to see here. Nothing to do. No problems, mate. Fine with who I am.
Your notion that "taking care of yourself" means a lean body is by NO means commonly accepted. In fact, I'd say right about the line of obese - according to the BMI computations - is the modern "normal" and very acceptable.
I don't make the rules but I do see what people clearly put out there. In today's society YOU are the one completely out of touch and obsessed with something almost no one else cares about.
When I go to the gym, my trainer says he rarely sees anyone who does anything to benefit themselves. Thin girls / women run the treadmill every time, getting almost no benefit and actually doing harm since they are focusing on half the muscles used in the process. Guys pump ridiculous amounts of weight with their arms and leave out most muscle groups. Most sit on their phones. People have come up to him and talked about me - one guy told him "man TTH looks like the guy that used to be inside the old TTH" like the old me had eaten me ha ha. But my trainer says WTH do they think - the difference is I work hard and they don't. Anyway this aside is just my opinion about working out - and I've been doing this a few years and still have 60 lbs to lose. It's way harder work than 90% of people are willing to do.
People hire the "fittest looking" trainer and they don't know what they're doing.
So I don't know what you expect to happen with your wife. I suspect she is either ok with her weight and won't do anything about it, or is defeated because you find her repulsive and won't do anything about it.
The only chance I see of her doing anything is if she somehow had fun with you doing something she enjoyed that a third party recommended. Like taking up dancing or walking with you or riding a bike or golfing, etc. There has to be something in it for her - and just losing weight is too much of a meh issue to warrant the effort.
Just my $.02. And FYI I've been trying to get my w to take up anything for a few years - and she's thin and fit. But I know her muscle mass is low and as we're in our 50's I know she'll have to work hard to build sufficient muscle mass to ensure she can enjoy the active life she leads for the next several decades. She wouldn't have to lose a pound and she still can't bring herself to make it a priority. My DD15 who started a daily routine with weights can't motivate mom. So I think you're up a creek.
So I'd say start easing into BBW porn, a little every day, until you can get aroused. It's the quickest path to your happiness
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