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post #46 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 08:08 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

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So I confronted her on this and we got into it. She of course repeated her claims that the guy is and always has been platonic, no chemistry, etc. She swore up and down to God Jesus, Buddha and everyone else.

She then said why don't we invite him over and get some people together and you can meet him. I then said why don't I join you next time you're having lunch.

She got real uncomfortable and I called her out. She says that it feels awkward that she'd planned lunch with her 'friend' and all of a sudden I'm coming along. She claims it feels weird since they are only spending an hour together and it's not really enough time to get to know someone.

So what do you make of this? Why does she feel uncomfortable for me to join their lunch but not to have him over to our house?
She's uncomfortable because she likely wants to flirt with him and up the ante/sexual tension. She wants him ALONE.

Having him to a party with mixed company was just an offer to placate you--that way, she would still get to have lunch with him alone.

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post #47 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 08:12 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

Listen, my best friend is a guy. He and I will hang out just the two of us, sometimes, but whenever we hang out is an open invitation for our partners to join us. I love when his GF comes with--I adore her!--and I love it when my guy wants to come, and I know my friend and my guy get along great. Having one of our partners in the mix doesn't change the dynamic.

She doesn't want you there because it would mess with their dynamic, because she wants to jump him.

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post #48 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 09:05 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

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So I confronted her on this and we got into it. She of course repeated her claims that the guy is and always has been platonic, no chemistry, etc. She swore up and down to God Jesus, Buddha and everyone else.

She then said why don't we invite him over and get some people together and you can meet him. I then said why don't I join you next time you're having lunch.

She got real uncomfortable and I called her out. She says that it feels awkward that she'd planned lunch with her 'friend' and all of a sudden I'm coming along. She claims it feels weird since they are only spending an hour together and it's not really enough time to get to know someone.

So what do you make of this? Why does she feel uncomfortable for me to join their lunch but not to have him over to our house?
What is the benefit of this relationship for you exactly?
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post #49 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:11 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

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What is the benefit of this relationship for you exactly?


To keep the other guys ****** out of her ******


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post #50 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:15 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

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Listen, my best friend is a guy. He and I will hang out just the two of us, sometimes, but whenever we hang out is an open invitation for our partners to join us. I love when his GF comes with--I adore her!--and I love it when my guy wants to come, and I know my friend and my guy get along great. Having one of our partners in the mix doesn't change the dynamic.

She doesn't want you there because it would mess with their dynamic, because she wants to jump him.


Very true. My wife's friends all like it when I come along because I don't have the social filter they have and I use humor so they have fun. But I try to back off so my W can get some girl talk in.

You should NEVER feel you can't join your spouse particularly in an OS lunch or meeting. Of course, once it's out in the open and you remain vigilant and pee all over your territory (gender neutral mate guarding that is) then you might not to actually want to join them. But if you popped in unannounced it shouldn't be the least bit uncomfortable.


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post #51 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

What do you mean by "Gender neutral mate guarding?"

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Very true. My wife's friends all like it when I come along because I don't have the social filter they have and I use humor so they have fun. But I try to back off so my W can get some girl talk in.

You should NEVER feel you can't join your spouse particularly in an OS lunch or meeting. Of course, once it's out in the open and you remain vigilant and pee all over your territory (gender neutral mate guarding that is) then you might not to actually want to join them. But if you popped in unannounced it shouldn't be the least bit uncomfortable.


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post #52 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 12:00 AM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

Sorry but lingerie in the trunk you have never seen. Do you need to be hit over the head with a hammer? I wish something that obvious turned up when I believed something was going on. It would have ended all speculation.
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post #53 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

OK, this whole thing came to a head when I told her I was going to lunch. It escalated and in the end came out the truth that I still don't think she came 100% clean about the guys in her past.

She came back an hour later and said she wanted to take a polygraph to prove it.

Do you think she's bluffing? Should I make her take it? What if it comes back that she's not lying and she's told me everything about her cheating - what will putting her through that do to the relationship? What would you do?
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post #54 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:19 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry but lingerie in the trunk you have never seen. Do you need to be hit over the head with a hammer? I wish something that obvious turned up when I believed something was going on. It would have ended all speculation.
It wasn't lingerie, it was a midriff top and a sundress....
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post #55 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 09:39 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

have her write a timeline and diary of all the A's she has had.

Tell her with her drug addiction to the other guy, you can't allow the addict (her) to continue.

She can have him, but she can't have you as well. She thinks she can beat the lie detector test.

I would not care. She cares more about her little plaything that she is addicted to, than to you.

If that is what she wants, she can not control her addiction. That should tell you that she may choose, but the time is short.

Good luck. when they are addicted, they can not control themselves. I would protect myself and move on.
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post #56 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 10:53 PM
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Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

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What do you mean by "Gender neutral mate guarding?"


Sorry went out of the country with the LOML (love of my life) so stopped posting.

To answer your question - I made a case and used an example, but acknowledged that men and women should both mate guard. It's a primary function and requirement of any serious relationship. Basically it says "this is my woman/man and I will fight for her. I do not accept interlopers and I will knock you on your ass if you interfere in my relationship. I acknowledge my S is desirable but he/she is not available so I will knock that smile off till next Tuesday if you come back round with that lane game."

It's putting others on notice that you will not allow others to f with you.

It is wholly separate from restricting your S or trying to control them. It's about dealing with others


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post #57 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

Thanks for the info. I see what you're saying. And yes, I'll be attending the lunch.

She's also offered to take a polygraph which we're now setting up. That should put it to rest one way or the other.
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post #58 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 08:48 PM
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Re: Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?

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Thanks for the info. I see what you're saying. And yes, I'll be attending the lunch.

She's also offered to take a polygraph which we're now setting up. That should put it to rest one way or the other.
Both good moves. Take charge and don't let her do things that make you uncomfortable, or at least give her the option of doing them as a single woman i.e. "If you go to lunch plan on packing your stuff when you get home."
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