We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 04:02 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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My wife and I place zero importance on it. I think it has to do with the fact we are both NOT gift people. If somebody is getting pissed off I'd bet it's part of a love language problem.
I do wonder how many people get PO'd b/c they see the next person getting a gift, or see all the posts on FB and now get annoyed b/c they are not one of them, or b/c they want to brag about what they got. Not thinking love language problem as much as more b/c of how much Vday is pushed on everyone
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post #32 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 04:05 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

I go whole hog. Multiple cards (from the dollar store so not ruinously expensive). Present (not expensive - just to show some thought). Flowers. In years when we are not getting along or not having sex, this can be very painful. In years when we do get along, it is magical.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #33 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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I go whole hog. Multiple cards (from the dollar store so not ruinously expensive). Present. Flowers. In years when we are not getting along or not having sex, this can be very painful. In years when we do get along, it is magical.
I think I have a valentine's day card in my closet (I have a card for one of the big occasions, not sure which one). I also have one of those P Touch label makers, so if I ever need a card in a pinch, just print up a new label and apply Got home from work a few minutes ago and nothing from my W (which I was pretty sure was the case since we don't really do Vday), so looks like I am safe keeping that card in the closet until next time
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post #34 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

We are married for over 44 years. We used to have elaborate Valentine's plans in our younger days. Fancy clubs and restaurants. An occasional trip to a tropical island. Even bought my wife a few cars for VDAY. For the last 15 years we just stay home, have a good meal that we do not normally have and then some good love making afterwards. Then we watch TV. We still love each other as we did when we met. Just stopped trying to pretend that one day a year determined our love for each other. We show each other love every single day. That is why we are married so long. I will be lucky if my wife wears something sexy tonight. She says why bother since I take it off her quickly.

What you do on VDAY in no way reflects your love or marriage. It is one of those holidays made up to get people to spend more money and shame them if they do not.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #35 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 10:47 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

This year I just gave my wife a massage after the kids went to bed, then we talked for a bit and kissed each other goodnight.
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post #36 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 07:49 AM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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We went to dinner on Saturday. That is pretty much it. Last time I checked, it is a Tuesday, work day, middle of the week, school day, etc...
LOL, yes if it is a workday or a night before a workday or a night after a work week by definition nothing 'special' will be happening
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post #37 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 08:02 AM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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Same here. Six years, never a plan.

I asked him two days ago: I really want you to be comfortable telling me if it makes you feel bad that I don't make an effort to celebrate us on Valentine's Day.

He said: I hope you're not saying that because you actually have a problem with it.

I said: nope, not at all.

He said: good, because I don't care about the day but I would if it mattered to you.

So there, we're both on the same page.

I do love to see others happy and making each other feel special on that day however. A delivery just walked in for a co-worker. Big smiles , so cute.

Well that sucker lied.

He showed up to get me after work with a solitary red rose. He had me blushing all the way home. I walk into the bedroom and there are more roses on the bed with my favourite chocolates and a card. I got so emotional, I cried. He's not a romantic person at all and in the 6 years we've been together, this is only the 2nd card he's ever given me. What he wrote in there was so incredibly sweet.

We had some amazing sex and he asks me to get ready. He's taking me out. We head out and he brings me to this really nice bar. There was a live saxophonist. It was so perfect I almost pinched myself. I couldn't stop telling him how much it meant to me, not because it was Valentine's but because he put so much effort and its so unlike him. He said he's doing what he needs to do to make our love multiply. Is this really the same gruff, macho guy I met 6 years ago??

I can't even begin to think of what I can do to make it up to him. Not forget his birthday again this year that's for sure!
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post #38 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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Well that sucker lied.
It's a rare TAM posts that starts out like that and ends happily. Sounds like a great evening.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #39 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:38 AM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

Romance on Valentine's day is like libido. Doesn't matter if you do alot or a little. Only matters that you are in sync with your partner.

There were years I made a big production, we were not getting along, and my production triggered bad feelings in both of us. Last year my wife was doing chemo and we did very little and she felt close to me because I was doing well supporting her through her recovery and she did not have energy to reciprocate so she appreciated me not putting pressure on her. There is no one size fits all. Not even for the same couple. Different years, different levels of effort / investment. Last year less was more. This year more was more. No one knows what the future will bring. But hopefully you know your spouse well enough to know what they will want when the time comes.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #40 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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I got my wife a nice gift and gave it to her this morning. Nothing expensive, but something rather thoughtful. Her day is very busy and tied up with a hectic schedule, but I am going to enjoy her feeling guilty that she needs to return the favor as she said this morning, "this makes me feel A LOT of pressure to do something for you!" ...and I just smiled really big and then whispered some sweet nothings into her ear for the sole purpose of increasing her anxiety!

I'm to a point in my marriage where I know my wife has some anxieties over my sexual expectations with her. Instead of worrying and trying to help her calm down and relax, sometimes it is fun to just add fuel to the fire and throw some gasoline on it. When she starts freaking out, I just keep cranking up the heat even more to the point where she can't help but to finally crack a smile and surrender to her anxieties!

Badsanta

For anyone interested, here is how things turned out yesterday. Both our schedules ended up being rather hectic, and come time for dinner we were both exhausted and decided to go out. NOT because it was valentines, but because as a family we were all tired and did not want to mess up the kitchen. So the fact that it was valentines made this into a rather painful experience. We went out to eat with the kids at one of our favorite restaurants around 6:45pm. We were not seated until 7:30 and it took until 8:30 to get served as the place was packed!

Then to top all that off I have started to have a horrible cold yesterday with my body aching and was not in one of my best moods.

So by the time we got home and got the kids to bed, we were not exactly in a happy place. Fortunately we turned on the TV and the SNL skits of Melissa McCarthy making fun of Sean Spicer put us both back in a good mood. After that we finally had a good evening.

As I had predicted earlier my wife was eager to make me happy, and since my body was aching, she gave me a nice back rub until I passed out and started drooling all over the bed! Could not ask for anything more!

Badsanta
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post #41 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 10:11 AM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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I agree 100% that there's too much emphasis on Valentine's Day. It's a made up "holiday", basically.

I think it's far more important how you treat your significant other on the other 364 days of the year.
Aren't they all?

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post #42 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 12:05 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

My H and I haven't been Valentine's Day people in the past at all. Even almost anti.
But given recent issues and trying for a more romantic and loving vibe (and with our two boys asking what we were going to do to celebrate it), we tried a new tradition:

Home-cooked dinner for all 4 of us - each person pulled a course out of a hat last week and could choose what they wanted (within reason). We had spicy lentil soup for starters, crusted beef fillet and potato bake for mains, celebration iced tea, sparkling grape juice with pomegranate jewels, and then chocolate fondant for dessert and pineapple ice-cream for second dessert. (Mom and Dad also opened a good bottle of red.) We came home early from all our various obligations and all cooked together. (My boys are getting some serious knife skills.)

Then, while we ate, we each listed one thing that we loved about each of the other family members. Parents with no dry eyes. The boys responded so beautifully - my youngest son, afterwards:
"Mom, that made us all feel really good."
"Yes, boy."
"It felt nice to say as well"
"Yes, boy."
"We should do that for ever."
"Yes, boy."

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more. ― C.S. Lewis

FINE PRINT: My post is simply my own opinion (unless indicated otherwise). Which I believe I am entitled to express, as best as I can.
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post #43 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 01:43 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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My plans - install my gift to her and my gift to myself:



I used to have an Onkyo. Loved it.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #44 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 01:47 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

My wife always wants me to write poetry for her. I used to write some but struggle with it, although I've found I do have a knack for limericks, so she got half a dozen of those.

She got me a bar of soap.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #45 of 50 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 02:31 PM
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Re: We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time

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She got me a bar of soap.
Mine got me a pair of socks that year that the wall came down. D-Day was V-Day 1988. It took us 7 months to reconcile. V-Day was religiously avoided for 5 years. I started buying her cards and gifts, but really did not address the day. At about 8 years after D-Day, my cards got a little more flowery and the gifts were little baubles. At the 10 year mark, she bought me a pair of socks. I was happy as it marked a subtle change that showed me that we really put it all behind us.
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