He is a doctor working an exhausting schedule. There may be no end to this until he retires in 30 or 40 years. He wants more sex. But in a passive sense. Kinda like I would like to win the lottery. Doesn't mean I buy any tickets, but I sure would like to win. Doctors work very hard for a very long time. That is one of the reasons they earn big bucks. Very hard to separate the big bucks from being on call, working long hours, covering for colleagues, etc. I know of a woman on another internet forum who is married to a surgeon and has been discussing this exact issue for years.
So I agree with @SunCMars
: may be time for you to choose. Your husband may not be physically capable of fulfilling his obligations as a doctor and fulfilling his obligations as a lover. He has made it clear which he prioritizes. Now you have to decide your priorities.
Agree, sorry to say.
I've been reading a lot of your posts.
Before my husband and I were married, we dated long distance while he was finishing grad school in another state. It was hard. But, he always made time for us to talk or visit. Then he got to the last two semesters and had to do a very rigorous thesis. He told me as soon as we got serious, actually, that he knew the end of his schooling would be the hardest and most time consuming, and that we would be in touch a lot less during that time. So he definitely gave me a warning. I thought I would be able to handle it. I still wasn't prepared.
Being long distance was hard enough, but he would go days without contacting me. (He would literally work in studio for 72 hours at a time without going home.) He was all consumed by his work. It seemed ridiculous to me that anything on earth could be that all encompassing. Like, you really can't take five minutes to call me? He had appointments to keep and deadlines to meet, and he is a perfectionist so naturally works 10x more than anyone else. I changed over time from trying to be patient and supportive...to feeling distant from him, being frustrated and trying to stay busy on my own. Then I just got angry over time, and then onto feeling like I just wasn't good enough to warrant attention. I came so close to ending the relationship. So close.
Then he graduated when I was on my last straw and came home for good. If he didn't come home when he did, I think our relationship would have ended. I couldn't take it anymore. There was a time when he went out for a meal with his classmates (also working on thesis at the same time) and I remember finding out about it. I was livid. In hindsight it was so stupid to be mad, but I seriously almost let him go over it. I just kept thinking - how dare you make time for them and not me!
I now know from that experience that I am NOT cut out to be a wife to a man who has to be gone all of the time. I knew then that I couldn't be with a doctor, or a military man who would deploy, or anything like that. I have the utmost respect for the spouses in those marriages who hold it down while their husband or wife is out of reach. I just knew I couldn't be one of them. It made me feel selfish and petty to be honest, but at least I learned something about myself.
So - I wanted to say that I respect the position you are in with having to stick it out while he's gone. But, I don't think it's going to change or get better. There is a third "person" in your marriage, and that is his job. You will always have to share him with his job because of the career he has chosen. And it won't be an even sharing either, because when duty calls he will go running to them. I don't have an answer for you, I am just sad for you that you have to live that way.