Question--you mentioned that you and your wife eventually resumed a sexual relationship, but did she ever learn and start speaking YOUR love languages? If so, how did that come about? Did you tie her down and make her read the book?
I didn't tie her down as she is really not into that!
But I gave her a copy of Chapman's book, she read it and took the test to find out for herself what her love languages were. I also took the test in my book and we exchanged the answers which were pretty obvious once we had read and understood what Chapman was saying.
Did I teach her my love languages? That is a hard question to answer. She knows them, but they still seem like a foreign language to her. She is semi-fluent but isn't making a push to become fluent. She will touch me now, especially when she knows she has done something really wrong. One of her first things she will do is to touch my chest our shoulder as a way of saying she is sorry or please forgive me as I really do love you. So she knows this on a conscious and subconscious level.
When we have sex she will touch me a lot more than when we were in a Sex Starved Marriage. Would I like it if she touched me more or felt more comfortable touching me more often in a non-sexual time and way? Yes, but at least she knows what she needs to do to make me feel loved and makes sure I get some touch. And considering what I felt like in the Sex Starved Marriage phase, some touch, some praise, and meaningful sex twice a week is so very much better.
I think the key to becoming fluent in another love language that is not your own is based on the person's desire to truly communicate their love to their partner. I have come to understand that unless I provide my wife with acts of service and quality time, she will not feel loved. I want her to feel loved and so I have learned to do and "ritualized" those things in our life that make her feel loved.
The key though is to take responsibility for your own happiness and let go of as much codependence as you can.