Dying for a good sex life - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 04:47 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Thanks everyone. I caved in and initiated sex last night. It's been 3 weeks. A girl has to do what a girl has to do...


Well I hope it was enjoyable.

I bought nurses scrubs for my w for some role play but we haven't done it yet... ya know like I said it might be a looooooong wait for her to initiate... but maybe I'll set them out some day for her. I suppose I'd need a script as well... I've spent a lot of time in hospitals and thought a little fun at home might make future visits more enjoyable. I guess I'd have to be careful or I might end up showing my reminiscences at inappropriate times if it ends up being too much fun


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post #62 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

He tried to go to sleep before finishing me off... hahahahahahaha he had another thing coming. He's so silly.
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post #63 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 06:03 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I am sorry for your frustration. (No joking.) 🕸 (That's a joke tho.)

.........><)))#">
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post #64 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 06:16 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Thanks everyone. I caved in and initiated sex last night. It's been 3 weeks. A girl has to do what a girl has to do...

He tried to go to sleep before finishing me off... hahahahahahaha he had another thing coming. He's so silly.
Glad you're taking this whole situation with some sense of humor....but I'd feel totally undesired, unfeminine, unwanted ...whatever you call it ...from my SO.

If he's not trying to improve the situation now, when will he?? When he gets older? When he feels more tired than he already is now?? Forget it.

Will you be able to put up with that for the rest of your life??
For how long will you keep on craving ..and craving..and craving ...'til you initiate again?

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #65 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 06:21 PM Thread Starter
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Dying for a good sex life

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Glad you're taking this whole situation with some sense of humor....but I'd feel totally undesired, unfeminine, unwanted ...whatever you call it ...from my SO.

If he's not trying to improve the situation now, when will he?? When he gets older? When he feels more tired than he already is now?? Forget it.

Will you be able to put up with that for the rest of your life??
For how long will you keep on craving ..and craving..and craving ...'til you initiate again?


Yes I will be able to put up with it. It's annoying, but not a deal breaker for me. If he denied me sex when I initiated I might be feeling different but he doesn't.

As for how it makes me feel? It doesn't make me feel anyway about myself. That is how my husband is, it has nothing to do with me. If he was with someone else he would be the same way.

I don't mind initiating at all.

I would love my husband to be more romantic and light some candles and seduce me. But he works 100hrs a week at a very stressful job. So I get it. He probably wouldn't do it if he was a stay at home husband anyway lol.
I would love to have a million dollars and for my husband to be 6"4, and for me to have a perfect body. Oh well...

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post #66 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 06:42 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Yes I will be able to put up with it. It's annoying, but not a deal breaker for me. If he denied me sex when I initiated I might be feeling different but he doesn't.

As for how it makes me feel? It doesn't make me feel anyway about myself. That is how my husband is, it has nothing to do with me. If he was with someone else he would be the same way.

I don't mind initiating at all.

I would love my husband to be more romantic and light some candles and seduce me. But he works 100hrs a week at a very stressful job. So I get it. He probably wouldn't do it if he was a stay at home husband anyway lol.
I would love to have a million dollars and for my husband to be 6"4, and for me to have a perfect body. Oh well...


Seduce you? Ha ha ha you're a sure thing.

But I get it and I'd love to be teased a bit myself. But I'm definitely a sure thing!


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post #67 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:31 AM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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He is a doctor working an exhausting schedule. There may be no end to this until he retires in 30 or 40 years. He wants more sex. But in a passive sense. Kinda like I would like to win the lottery. Doesn't mean I buy any tickets, but I sure would like to win. Doctors work very hard for a very long time. That is one of the reasons they earn big bucks. Very hard to separate the big bucks from being on call, working long hours, covering for colleagues, etc. I know of a woman on another internet forum who is married to a surgeon and has been discussing this exact issue for years.

So I agree with @SunCMars: may be time for you to choose. Your husband may not be physically capable of fulfilling his obligations as a doctor and fulfilling his obligations as a lover. He has made it clear which he prioritizes. Now you have to decide your priorities.
I had two things I was going to add, which have more or less already been said.

One, his priority is his work. Whether that's right or wrong is up to you to decide. It's hard for it not to be when you're a surgeon, but that's the life he chose, and the life you knew he would be living.

Two, his desire for sex doesn't seem to have changed - he still wants it. BUT, he wants it on his terms.

It very much sounds to me that he wants a wife who jumps him when he gets home, or gives him BJs when he's relaxing on the couch. Because he's 'too tired' to do the initiation (which is something he keeps telling you over and over).

Perhaps he thinks he's earned this 'right', because he's a surgeon who works long hours and dedicates his life to his job. So when he gets home, he wants a wife who will pleasure him. From his POV, you want more sex, and he's not making himself unavailable to that - he's just not willing to go get it. He likely believes that this is now something for YOU to get.

Like many others in this thread, my wife has a similar mindset (though she's not a surgeon, and doesn't work crazy hours, etc.) But it's up to me to have sex. She's 'available', and doesn't often reject me, but she also never does any of the 'work' to get it started.

I think with her, the mindset may be somewhat similar to OP's husbands. I'm self-employed, don't have long hours, I didn't give birth to two children, etc etc etc. But I have the time to feed everybody, get the kids to school, keep the house moderately clean and tidy, do laundry, and many other things. I keep myself busy. But the optics are still that she's the one that has a 9-5 job, pays the bills and manages the finances (her choice), does the grocery shopping (also her choice). Because I have an unconventional day and I don't wear a suit or a hardhat to work, I think there's a stigma there that I'm not a "working man" or that I don't know what a 'hard day at work' is, therefore when it comes time for marital things (like sex), it should be me that has to do the heavy lifting. Because she's the one who comes home tired, those responsibilities should lie on me instead of her.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."

Last edited by alexm; 02-22-2017 at 07:35 AM.
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post #68 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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I am dying for a good sex life. I am dying to be pursued, dying for some romance. I am dying for my husband to put forth more effort. There is nothing better than effort!


And some of us do all that and it is ignored.
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post #69 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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And some of us do all that and it is ignored.


This is interesting because I know how to get my husband in the mood. Even when he's not in the mood, I feel like "my moves" always get him in the mood. I know what to say, what to do, what he likes and my success rate is like 99.9%. I do things that I know turn HIM on.
He on the other hand... his moves don't always do it for me. I think he does what he likes to me, but it doesn't get me in the mood. He hasn't figured this out yet.
For example... last week he initiated before going to work. He did all these things that I guess are a turn on but he rushed. Then he tried to put it in me, and I wasn't wet enough. And he then did some stuff that was not a turn on for me, and I was definitely not wet enough. Anyway... sex didn't happen. I was frustrated and so was he. But I feel like he ruined it because he was so focused on getting it in vs making me excited that he went soft because it hurt him essentially.

Yes we can use lube and blah blah. But how about you figure out what I like and do that. I say and do things that I don't necessarily like but I know he does and the point when I initiate is to get HIM in the mood. He doesn't do the same when he tries to initiate. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
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post #70 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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This is interesting because I know how to get my husband in the mood. Even when he's not in the mood, I feel like "my moves" always get him in the mood. I know what to say, what to do, what he likes and my success rate is like 99.9%. I do things that I know turn HIM on.
He on the other hand... his moves don't always do it for me. I think he does what he likes to me, but it doesn't get me in the mood. He hasn't figured this out yet.
For example... last week he initiated before going to work. He did all these things that I guess are a turn on but he rushed. Then he tried to put it in me, and I wasn't wet enough. And he then did some stuff that was not a turn on for me, and I was definitely not wet enough. Anyway... sex didn't happen. I was frustrated and so was he. But I feel like he ruined it because he was so focused on getting it in vs making me excited that he went soft because it hurt him essentially.

Yes we can use lube and blah blah. But how about you figure out what I like and do that. I say and do things that I don't necessarily like but I know he does and the point when I initiate is to get HIM in the mood. He doesn't do the same when he tries to initiate. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Does he know what you want him to do? If you have told him and he still doesn't get it, then I can understand the frustration. But if not, not likely he can read minds.
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post #71 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 12:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Does he know what you want him to do? If you have told him and he still doesn't get it, then I can understand the frustration. But if not, not likely he can read minds.


He knows. Ive told him and it's obvious. He knows what I like but he doesn't do it long enough to get effect. He gets impatient and wants to go for the kill too early.
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post #72 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:08 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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He knows. Ive told him and it's obvious. He knows what I like but he doesn't do it long enough to get effect. He gets impatient and wants to go for the kill too early.

Does he know about this part? I would love for bits of information like this that would improve things.
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post #73 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Does he know about this part? I would love for bits of information like this that would improve things.


He knows because he goes to try to have sex with me and my vagina is essentially blocking that from happening lol.
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post #74 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

He just thinks I'm ready, not knowing that I'm not and he goes in for the kill, and ends up being blocked. Then he gets frustrated and is all in his head and blah blah he goes soft. The end.
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post #75 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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He just thinks I'm ready, not knowing that I'm not and he goes in for the kill, and ends up being blocked. Then he gets frustrated and is all in his head and blah blah he goes soft. The end.


Oh wow...are you married to my husband??


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