I am dying for a good sex life. I am dying to be pursued, dying for some romance. I am dying for my husband to put forth more effort. There is nothing better than effort!
Define effort, what would you perceive as the type of effort your H should put forth?
I will say, the whole "effort" thing, is an issue on my side as well and a real drag when you see your SO putting in very little effort.
That kind of zest is always worthy fun... don't lose that in you.Like I literally just offered to drive up to the hospital so we can have an afternoon delight in the on call room because I know he will be operating all day and late tonight.
Maybe the seriousness of your discontent hasn't been heard due to the bolder.I think what sends me over the edge isn't the fact that he's so tired, or we don't have sex that often but the fact that he has the audacity to complain about it. This just causes something to boil up inside me and I have to make an effort not to be a ***** and put him in his place. Which is to remind him that he's the reason we're not having sex.
Given his work schedule, it seems like a conscious effort is what needs to be done, nothing wrong with that.We use to have sex in the hospital. It always started organically when we were in bed. Never this... hey wanna have sex? Stuff. We were always affectionate. Sitting on his lap, sitting next to each other. Shower sex. Sex At least 3x a week.
Now he is exhausted. Can't stay awake to even have a conversation with me or watch tv. Sex is rarely organic starting. We have sex probably 3x a month. And it's usually like a conscious effort which is so weird and not natural or sexy.
I work in the same hospital as he does. I see the OR schedule so I know he is not making his schedule up.
Alright, so things aren't good, and as you acknowledge, you guys are caught in a cycle which can't be all that healthy for your marriage. So the question is, what is it going to take to change it? What if things with his job don't change for the next 1, 2, 5 yrs or longer? I get the frustration, but what is the next step?Aahhh marriage is hard. I am going to try to be better and stop complaining and I'll try to show him more appreciation. I'm just emotional, and needy and not to be annoying but I really want him. I want to spend time with him, I want to cuddle with him, I just love him a lot and I get so f*cking mad when he comes home upset and exhausted and he just falls asleep. It makes me mad and sad and really disappointed and unhappy because it's all the time, almost everyday. So I get why he doesn't want to come home to that and thus the cycle continues...
Katie, I've mentioned this before, but my wife and I are physicians and survived residency with our marriage intact. I'm not willing to give him a totally free pass, but you of all people being a CRNA recognize all the hard work and crap your husband puts up with every day. Sure you want him to romance you and sweep you off your feet, but that isn't going to happen with his exhaustion and time constraints. June is not that far away. I do hope he is listening to you and is capable of upping his romantic game once residency is completed.
For now, romance him as best you can. Does he at least make the effort to satisfy you when you do have sex? I still have fond memories of quick encounters with my wife in the on-call room even after 25 years have gone by. Even a quick BJ there might light a spark if you can make that happen.
Hang in there!