Dying for a good sex life - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 12:46 PM Thread Starter
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Dying for a good sex life

I am dying for a good sex life. I am dying to be pursued, dying for some romance. I am dying for my husband to put forth more effort. There is nothing better than effort!
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post #2 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 12:49 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I am dying for a good sex life. I am dying to be pursued, dying for some romance. I am dying for my husband to put forth more effort. There is nothing better than effort!
Define effort, what would you perceive as the type of effort your H should put forth?

I will say, the whole "effort" thing, is an issue on my side as well and a real drag when you see your SO putting in very little effort.
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post #3 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I get it - I felt the same in my first marriage. However, I had more success living with the goal of achieving good sex and romance. Dying is just so final! However, you may have to find a new husband if this one isn't working out, so instead of dying for him, live for the next.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #4 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I get that he works a ton. I'm just tired of it. Everyday it's the same thing with the same outcome.
What I do, has no affect on anything. It doesn't matter if I'm home or not, if I go to bed early or late. If the house is a complete mess or amazingly clean. If I cook dinner or not. Nothing matters. He doesn't complain. Ever. He comes home half asleep, and quickly falls asleep no matter what I do.

He complains about not having enough sex, but does nothing to change it. And I get that he can't help it if he's tired. But every time he says something about sex it drives me insane!!!! Like I literally just offered to drive up to the hospital so we can have an afternoon delight in the on call room because I know he will be operating all day and late tonight. He said that he will be in the OR for the next 4-5hrs. (Not the response I wanted to hear). Then he says to me... if we don't have sex tonight I'm going to go insane. (Which the only reason why we won't have sex is because of him not me!) so I said to him... if you want to have sex tonight then make it happen. And he responds... it goes both ways Katie. Which pissed me off!!' I said I just offered you my ***** on a platter, I offered to drive the 30-45min drive one way to have sex in a gross on call room in a hospital and then drive the 30-45mins back home so don't tell me it goes both ways.

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Last edited by EleGirl; 02-22-2017 at 01:16 AM.
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post #5 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 12:57 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I would be dying, too. I'm sorry you are in this spot. I only know bits of your story, but it does sound like what you are seeking isn't quite something your H can pull off. Though maybe it was great in the beginning, I can't remember.

I just know that there is a certain level of how sexual a person needs to be in order for me to have a great sex life with them. That includes them pursuing me, pursuing sex, adoring me, being adventurous and open minded, and being able to openly show their lust and desire for me on a regular basis. I also do all of those things, and I need a partner who reciprocates it in equal measure (or even more, I actually feel the man in the relationship needs to provide more of those things than the woman or else the balance gets off somehow...which doesn't mean I don't do "the work", it just means he does the part of "the work" that provides the spark to my flame.)

There haven't been very many stories around here of a spouse changing their core sexual level, desires, and libido in order for their partner to be more satisfied. I don't know how you would go about changing someone like that.

But if he was like that before (however it is that you are wanting) then there is hope.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #6 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 12:59 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I'm sorry. You have my sympathy, but no good ideas for what to do. There are certainly men who enjoy romance and passion, but he doesn't seem to be one of them.
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post #7 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I think what sends me over the edge isn't the fact that he's so tired, or we don't have sex that often but the fact that he has the audacity to complain about it. This just causes something to boil up inside me and I have to make an effort not to be a ***** and put him in his place. Which is to remind him that he's the reason we're not having sex.

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Last edited by EleGirl; 02-22-2017 at 01:18 AM.
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post #8 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

Me too.
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post #9 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I have read most of your postings.

I wish I could help you out. I am far away and presently powerlessly pixelated on your LCD screen.

You know the score....every stanza. You know what you want, every detail.

You know what the score with DH is. You know every detail.

You now have to choose. Keeping your good social status and having healthy future financials by sticking with this marriage with your Doctor spouse......

Or passion. Realized passion. Passion standing tall and proud right before your hungry eyes.

Passion coming from a new, deserving, fun to be with, new man.....after you divorce.

Do not cheat.

Just follow your rapid beating, enlarged, hot and heavy heart. There is no substitute for Lusty Passion. Money cannot buy it.

Choose carefully.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #10 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:06 PM
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Cool Re: Dying for a good sex life

Oh, @katiecrna ~ I've definitely got the time as well as the "effort" to pursue romance!

It's just that I seldom have the "trust" to even try anymore!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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Last edited by arbitrator; 02-14-2017 at 02:01 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #11 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Define effort, what would you perceive as the type of effort your H should put forth?



I will say, the whole "effort" thing, is an issue on my side as well and a real drag when you see your SO putting in very little effort.


I think my husband should be fully conscious and actively do something with me with his full attention.

He should be affectionate. If he wants to have sex, show me don't tell me. Act like we're dating and your trying to sleep with me. What ever happened to men putting the moves on their women? That's for people dating only??? Is it me or are men becoming lazier and lazier when they want to have sex? I mean honestly. Hey honey do you want to have sex tonight? That doesn't cut it! No? Ok I'll just get back to my video games and I'll master-bate in the shower later.

Ahh I'm annoyed.
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post #12 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

Yes I am hating on men right now. But right now you are all stupid and annoying to me.
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post #13 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:16 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

I don't think it is men becoming lazier, some have always been lazy in this regard. I think your H just has a low sex drive due to exhaustion, etc. But was it good before? Was it ever as good as you would like it to be? If not then he is just not as sexual as you are. If he was, then he might be able to get there again.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #14 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I don't think it is men becoming lazier, some have always been lazy in this regard. I think your H just has a low sex drive due to exhaustion, etc. But was it good before? Was it ever as good as you would like it to be? If not then he is just not as sexual as you are. If he was, then he might be able to get there again.


It was great before. He wanted to have sex more than me. He wasn't the most romantic, but he did do romantic stuff like take bubble baths with me and give me massages.
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post #15 of 109 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:20 PM
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Re: Dying for a good sex life

There's hope!

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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