......The sex was OK, at least I thought so, certainly good enough for me to imagine spending the rest of my life with him. .....He also orgasmed really quickly.....I also from the beginning avoided mouth kissing him by kissing ears and neck etc as I found the kisses a bit sloppy. This all sounds a bit boring....
...8 years later and we have to gorgeous small children........................we really stopped having such regular sex mainly because I was just so tired all the time, at least that's what I thought..
..Now I don't have the tired excuse anymore, but I just really dislike sex with my husband. Many things he does in bed actually irritate me rather than turns me on. I haven't properly kissed him for many years as I cannot stand the sloppy kisses and sex just consists of a bit of a hand job and then me rolling over to let him take me from behind for a few minutes (or maybe just one). ......thinking his penis is too small, .......it's like sex with an inexperienced teenager. ...... I just brush his hand away so he can get on with the job and get it over with...... He thinks I just have a low libido, the truth is i have a low libido around him..
....I have tried talking to him about our relationship recently, but he just wants to believe everything is fine,.....
An now for a totally different perspective. I look at what you wrote and think that you need a little tough love.
I am a real fan of Dr. David Schnarch. He wrote the Passionate Marriage and the Crucible books on Marriage. One of the things he likes to say is that most couples communicate very well. He likes to use the example of going to a restaurant and seeing to starry eye lovers looking at each other holding hands and constantly talking; then looking at another table at an older married couple who eat in silence and never say a word. Schnarch likes to point out that that older married couple has had every discussion the young couple has dozens of times over and knows all the answers to the others questions and that they can communicate with a look, body language, or a gesture what that young couple will require hours of talk to accomplish.
The point is that you have been communicating with your husband your entire marriage. He knows that you dismiss his love making and he doesn't please you in bed and that you have no desire for him. If he knows that how do you think that makes him feel about putting any effort into pleasing you?
Schnarch also describes something he observes in marital counseling sessions. He calls it marital sadism. Where one partner goes out of their way to torment the other so as to develop some kind of sexual S&M codependent relationship.
Some of the things you have written could have been said by my wife at the height or depth of our Sex Starved Marriage when she hated me and every time I attempted to have sex with her she emotionally hurt me.
Let me tell you right now if a woman I was in a relationship with every said half of the things you have written, I would have kicked her out of the bed and told her that I deserved better than that. Actually I have done that with my wife. Then I learned that we were each part of the problem and had been hurting each other for years. It took a lot of change on my wife's part and my part, but with the help of a good sex therapist we were able to rebuild our marriage.
You have two great kids and total disrespect for the father of your children. I think you should stand in front of a mirror naked and take a good look at yourself, physcialy and emotionally. Then ask yourself if the father of your children and the man that married you, deserves better and more real love than you are giving him now.
I will wager that the answer is yes, even if you don't want to admit it. If so then you either need to figure out how to change yourself so he gets the love and emotional support he deserves from you, or you need to talk to him and tell him that you can't go on hurting him like you have and you want a divorce so he can be happy
Either find a good sex therapist or two good divorce attorneys. You need one or the other. Your husband is not the sole problem.
Good luck to you.