Husband turns me off. Advice please. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:26 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

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Originally Posted by Vincelota View Post
Hi! Thanks for your advice. Yes I definitely get that it is a communication issue on my side. I just feel like it is soooooo hard to talk about this subject with my husband outside of the bedroom and it's been so many years of not enjoying the sex that I just tend to desperately want it to be over as soon as it's started.. Even the idea of teaching him to do things just kind of fills be with anxiety and dread.
Don''t bring it up in the bedroom. Go for a walk and discuss it away from bedroom so there is not any pressure to perform right away. Most husbands want their wife to be happy in the bedroom, and want the communication.
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post #32 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 07:54 AM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

Have you thought about trying to teach your husband your likes in bed? Like instead of pushing his hand away ask him to do what your really want. Some men just need instructions (in a sexy way). It might help your sex life and his confidence during sex.

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post #33 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 08:06 AM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

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Originally Posted by Vincelota View Post
Hi! Thanks for your advice. Yes I definitely get that it is a communication issue on my side. I just feel like it is soooooo hard to talk about this subject with my husband outside of the bedroom and it's been so many years of not enjoying the sex that I just tend to desperately want it to be over as soon as it's started.. Even the idea of teaching him to do things just kind of fills be with anxiety and dread.
He probably senses that and it likely affects his ability to perform. Coming quickly is a symptom of performance anxiety in some guys. You two could also go to a toy store and stock up. Make them a part of your sex play and that way he won't cum too quickly

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post #34 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 02:40 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

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He thinks I just have a low libido, the truth is I have a low libido around him...
1) Your honesty is raw and refreshing. Thank you.

2) You are a cheating time bomb waiting to go off.

Thankfully, your morality has kept you in check so far.

3) The respect is gone here and you've checked out. Your two options:

a) Divorce him and find a lover who can quench your sexual appetite.

b) Teach him yourself how to please you. It doesn't come naturally to everyone.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #35 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 03:12 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

Damn some of you guys are brutal but it's good advice.
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post #36 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

Just talk to him directly.
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post #37 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:20 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

Teach him to get better or do both fo you a favor and divorce. Divorce now may seem harsh. Divorce later after you have cheated and your financial lives are more entangled will be infinitely more painful. The gangrene is crawling up your leg. Cut it off now or later. Your choice. Later means you lose more of your leg.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #38 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 11:16 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

I am going to guess that you were not very specific with your husband about what you dislike and like. My wife and I will quickly tell each other what we do not like in bed. After 44 years of marriage we both know what buttons to press to have intense orgams all around. In fact, my wife said that she is having the most intense orgasms of her life. Due to medical issues for both of us, we do not have intercourse and have not for about the last 15 years and yet we always found a way to have enjoyable sex. Most people are uncomfortable in telling a sex partner that what they do irritates them or is not desirable. I cannot imagine telling someone that I dislike something and they still do it. That is not even trying. That is not showing love.

Sounds like your husband is not very good at sex. Sex is a skill that can be learned and if he was interested, he could learn to be a much better lover. I will do anything in bed and have done so. No one ever left my bed unsatisfied. I knew more about the female body than many women did in the pre-internet days. Most men did not even know what a clitoris was or where to find it. I firmly believe that good sex is a result of good communication. I have always asked the woman what she likes and told her what I liked. That ensured that a good time was had by all. I also become attuned to the woman so I know if she is enjoying it or not. My focus is always on her pleasure first and then mine or simultaneous as often was the case. I studied sex, I learned by experience and I wanted to be very good at it. I can get my wife to orgasm in under 3 minutes almost every time, even if she was not horny when we started. I lived with my wife and a girlfriend we shared and the girlfriend was not with us for 30 years for the witty conversation. Talk to your husband and be very blunt but do it in a way that does not emasculate him. Instead of telling him that you hate what he does, tell him what you like instead. If he does not make the effort, take control. I also believe that we all have to be responsible for our own orgasms. Use a vibrator during intercourse or instead of it. Do whatever it takes for you to have satisfying sex.

Scheduling a night a week for mandatory sex is a great way to rekindle your sex life but only if both of you try.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #39 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 11:27 PM
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Re: Husband turns me off. Advice please.

Your fear of talking to your husband about sex is crippling you.

Fear, fear, and more fear. You are crippled by fear. Sexual repression.

My wife was very repressed when I married her. Not as bad as you, but bad. She pulled that nonsense of saying she didn't need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. I told her I wouldn't accept that and she better get better or get out. I did help her, and I do believe it is my job to do everything in my power to make her orgasm, so she had a lot of opportunity.

My wife was crippled by fear and repressions. She had repressed memories and all kinds of problems. We did manage to get through it all. But I do have to say it took one of us constantly refusing to accept anything less than constantly pushing for something better. Me. I am extremely dominant, and I never let her rest.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you need someone to push you hard. You seem unable to push yourself. Sadly, I don't think your husband is going to push you.

I wish you a good life.
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