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Signs of female orgasm

14K views 111 replies 38 participants last post by  MovingForward 
#1 ·
Just making sure my gf is enjoying herself to her fullest potential, as this has been in my mind abit. Here are the signs:

- She grasps me or the sheets / or digs fingernails
- Arching her back
- She moans loud/swears
- Her legs shuddering during and moments after
- Becomes very tight
- Very wet / ejaculation? (She's not a squirter)

Apparently she reaches climax 3-6x during a session, during V-day was about 10x. Is she telling the truth? Actually I trust her but I remain unsure if she is reaching her potential as she's not normally very sexually liberated before she met me, making things a little blurry. Advice?
 
#27 · (Edited)
I dunno, maybe I'm just thinking too much as usual
If so, then why do you suppose that is?

Possibilities I can imagine:

  1. You value her pleasure, as an end in itself. Her joy is your joy.
  2. If she is misleading herself and you about this, then distance and dissatisfaction will grow. It is extremely important she be able to speak only truth to you, even when she fears it is not what you want to hear. There is commitment from you to hear the truth, and that she will still matter once heard.
  3. You feel like less of a man, or at least less like her man, if what you have earnestly tried isn't doing it for her.
  4. You have other worries, but you've stuffed them down. But the pressure builds and anxiety starts to surface, especially when you are at your most intimate and vulnerable (sex), and your conscious mind, unable to see the true source, looks for flaws in her sexual response or your sexual stimulus, and being eager to find an explanation finds one even when it is not there.

If it is any combination of those, then at the root of your concern is a desire to be more genuinely and deeply connected to her. If you talk about this matter at all with her -- and why wouldn't it be important to talk with her about this? -- emphasize that is where you are coming from. Otherwise, it'll become a wedge leveraged in your hearts by your subconscious and hers to make that anxiety go away (by making the possibility, if not the desire, for genuine connection to go away).
 
#6 ·
Just read an article about why women make noise during sex. According to the article most women do it make the guy feel good about his sexual prowess. A good many do it to spur on the man's orgasm. Some do it because of the movies and think it is expected of them. My wife is dead quiet and does not even want me to talk when she is trying to have an orgasm. Only when she orgasms does she let out a scream and then breathes hard. Our girlfriend was a pale skinned Norwegian who turned red when she had an orgasm.

The best sign I ever got was a former secretary yelling out, "No I know why they call you the boss." I had to suppress my laughter because it sounded like a corny line from a porn movie. She was not saying to advance in the company. I would not sleep with someone I saw every day. It was a going away dinner for me because I was being transferred far away from her. One girl screamed so loud that my wife came into the room to ask who died. I usually go by physical changes in the woman and not what they do. They can fake grabbing sheets or digging nails into your back. They cannot fake how their vagina looks or the blush on the chest that many women get.
 
#15 ·
They cannot fake how their vagina looks or the blush on the chest that many women get.
That blush and how the vagina looks is also not a reliable tell for orgasm either, I've seen plenty of women that haven't gotten there with the same.

A woman can gush, squirt/pee, get puffy blush, gape, ooze the thicker white stuff or the more translucent stuff with white flecks or none and many other things, yet none of them are always coincident with an orgasm.
 
#7 · (Edited)
Only when she orgasms does she let out a scream and then breathes hard.
Hmmm, sounds similar, maybe that's a good sign that she's not faking then?

She's also dark-skinned so she doesn't blush, which makes it hard to tell, and either than the wetness I can't tell the difference 'down there' by looking before/after her apparent orgasms. She does tell me she's sore after apparently cumming multiple times and I could feel how tight she gets however they can just say that when they get bored right?
 
#8 ·
All of those things in and of themselves together or otherwise don't necessarily demonstrate that she's had an orgasm. In fact I would be more inclined to think that such a performance is more theatrics than anything else.

She grasps me or the sheets / or digs fingernails

One can do that without having an orgasm or even being close to getting one.

Arching her back

Theatrics...

She moans loud/swears

Plus some more.

Her legs shuddering during and moments after

Meh.

On some occasions I've had shuddering legs absent an orgasm and have been with different women who have also sometimes had shuddering legs absent having an orgasm.

Becomes very tight

Kegels?

Does the grip get tighter then quickly releases and get tighter with increasing frequency in a pulsing motion. While she is also tilting quite substantially internally around your penis, with a grinding tilting grip?

Even though that can be coincident with the build up and tipping over to orgasm during penis in vagina sex. I wouldn't go as far as presuming a woman has had an orgasm just because of it, since the build up from that perspective feels similar to the release.

Very wet / ejaculation? (She's not a squirter)

I've been with a number of women who become dripping wet and one who also "squirts" as such. Yet with all of them such responses have most often been evident before or outside of them having an orgasm.

–––

All of that said if in doubt the best thing you can do, is have your finger up her back passage during her build up to orgasm and through it.

What you will feel through your finger/s (one is sufficient) back there as they approach orgasm. Are a series of extremely fast micro spasms, so think of it as feeling a bit like a vibrator despite a vibrator not being used. Of which if I have my finger/s in a vagina instead I will not feel those micro spasms at all leading up to an orgasm.

Then as the woman gets closer to tipping over, you will feel those micro spasms becoming more frequent. unless she subsequently drifts away getting closer to an orgasm, where they will become less frequent and or stop.

When she does tip over to orgasm those micro spasm, will then turn into a succession of deep shuddering and throbbing pulses that you can feel through her rectum with some puckering as well.

If you feel that through her backdoor when she orgasms, you can be sure she didn't fake it. Absent feeling what I have described above, she's simply doing what she feels is necessary.
 
#10 ·
That being the case (since people can lie or not know better) absent conducting an electroencephalogram or having a magnetic resonance imaging scanner handy, there's no way you will ever know for sure.

Which is why it's so easy for women to fake orgasm, with those who are unaware of or unwilling to do what I suggest.
 
#13 ·
I'm sure she enjoys it but doesn't mean she reaches orgasm right? Perhaps it's not as important to her as it is to me, but I want to be a good lover, especially to those I care about.

When we were just FWB when she cums once or 10x I didn't care, but now she's my GF I want to blow her mind away =/
 
#19 ·
Well you could just ask her and say you don't think she's really getting there and you'd rather her tell it like it is.

When my wife and I started our sexual relationship, she had been with an experienced guy who kept telling her she had got an orgasm when she hadn't. To the point that she started to doubt herself, then started faking them since she'd given up telling him like it is.

Then she started with me and tried the same fake nonsense on one occasion, since she figured that's what men want and that's what sex is. Yet I didn't believe her, since I knew better and called her on it which ended all of that rubbish.

Sadly my wife isn't the only experienced woman I've been with, that had never had an orgasm through sex before me. So I figure there are lots of men and women who don't know about the backdoor tell or won't try it if they do know about it.
 
#20 ·
Well quite frankly I don't know, I suspect that she's not because of a variety of reasons, the first is due to coming from a more conservative culture, hence less sexually liberated, the second is because she orgasms very fast compared to other women like ex-wife, where it takes at least around half an hour to reach her first proper orgasm, but with GF she reaches that in 5 minutes, she slows down the pace in subsequent orgasms but 5 minutes is a little too fast which makes me suspect.

I don't think she's lying intentionally, more likely she may not even know her own body. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much. I don't know. Discussing it with her is difficult because she's very adamant that she reaches orgasms and offended/confused that I don't believe her.
 
#21 ·
If having that conversation is not on the table and you can't test it, you're going to have to decide whether you believe her or whether you'll accept it if you don't.

That said I wouldn't presume she has any ill intent towards you at all if she is faking or embellishing a bit.

As to the timing for orgasms, 5 minutes is not unknown, and matches my experience with some women on some occasions including my wife.
 
#22 ·
I think you should just put it out there that you're willing to do whatever you can to help her reach O and you get major satisfaction from it and leave it at that. As the relationship gets older if she is indeed pretending, she'll probably get sick of never truly reaching O and bring up the issue somehow.

If you keep asking her and she is indeed pretending and won't admit it, you'll just put even more pressure on her to cum. That's not going to help her cum. Ease up and just keep observing her and her body. Create a safe environment, free of judgement so that she can feel comfortable talking about sexual issues such as these. For whatever reason, we women find it incredibly difficult to discuss problems with sex with our partners. Don't make it any more difficult for her than it already is.
 
#26 ·
According to "experts" on a documentary if a woman orgasams, her nipples have to be hard and her toes have to curl one way or the other.

In my experience this turns out to be true. It is possible for this to happen any way but if it isn't happening she can't be climaxing. Men's toes curl too.

It was explained to be like sneezing, supposedly the nearest thing. One cannot sneeze with open eyes. So they said.

It must be hard to watch their feet though in most positions haha. Maybe you could lay beside her and rub one out for her and watch her toes and see if she is faking.

This is secret information so don't spread it around.
 
#28 ·
Some women orgasm quickly. My fiance can get me there pretty quickly, on some days.

I don't think it's healthy to compare her or women in general, to your ex wife. Quite a few threads on here where OP's are bringing up their exes when comparing to new people... which makes me wonder if some of you are truly over your exes? Just an observation, but your ex wife and how long it took her to O, should have nothing to do with this new relationship, and that could be why you're inventing things to be worried over with this new gf. :eek:
 
#66 ·
Thank god, the voice of reason!

Every woman is different. Some can come quickly, some take longer, some make noise, some do not...

One thing I do with my partner is discuss what what each of us likes in bed, and then practice that...and talk about it during, after, etc. I would never fake an orgasm with her. She told me today that she's never been encouraged to talk about sex before, and that she believes it's a big part of why our sex life is so incredible.
Sex is supposed to be fun.

As Deidre mentions, how your ex wife climaxed really has nothing to do with your new gf. I have never met two women who orgasm the same way, from the same things.
 
#29 ·
believe it or not, i had an ex who would softly moan when she's nearing climax, then she would suddenly try to push me away when she reaches orgasm. one time, i fell from the bed when she yanked me off. we had a good laugh after she regained her senses.

when asked why she does it, she says she doesn't know she does that, as if she loses control of herself. she says she feels so vulnerable and helpless during orgasm, so probably it's a "subconscious" behavior to protect herself from that vulnerability.

some of them, i observed, had their slightly closed eyes rolled-up when reaching climax (combined with "tightening", muscle spasms, tight embrace, legs tightly clamped around my hips, etc.)

that being said, yes, women can and do "fake" their orgasms. and as one poster said - it's their loss if they always fake it.

no offense to the ladies... :)
 
#30 ·
don't worry about how quick she gets there, just like with men the amount of time it takes a woman varies greatly. My wife usually takes about 20 minutes of foreplay/sex combined to orgasm. But if she is already super turned on she may go in under a minute the first time. I've seen her have 3 in under 10 minutes, but also seen her say just forget it after over an hour with no success. While orgasm is a nice release, the real important thing is that both of you connect and have a great time. When you make orgasm the overwhelming goal everytime I can almost guarantee you will fail more often than not. Learn her body, her likes, her needs, and show her the sex is about her. She will get the most out of the experience knowing your sole focus is on her.


I'm not saying she shouldn't orgasm, I'm saying you shouldn't obsess over if she did or not.
 
#31 ·
I've heard about and read about so much faking and mystery around women orgasming
that it remains an enigma to me. Even on this site, there is no magic potion or consistent
agreement.

but as most others are saying around here, communicate, be unselfish (not totally)
be open to your partners needs, and if the feedback and signs are all there, dont over worry about it.

As for my wife, I asked her early on if she was orgasming, even though all the signs were there.
she couldn't give me a resounding yah! Which I think accentuates part of the problem.
many woman are not sure themselves? I quit worrying after my wife started inititiating more than me
and expressses pleasure and always wants more after almost 4 years.

I mean, other than trying to be very conscious of their reaction and desire for sex, what else can a guy do?
I think guys after a while intuitively know if she doesn't like it, but there's always that nagging doubt.

maybe this all is just meant to keep men on their toes
 
#32 ·
Listen I can have an orgasm and be completely quite and still if I wanted to. But when I have an orgasm I like to let go, relax and enjoy, I also like to make sure my husband knows I'm satisfied so I maybe exaggerate a little. I will never fake an orgasm, if it feels good I want to make sure to convey that on the outside. Just like I appreciate him doing the same thing to me. There is nothing more awkward then giving a bj to a man trying to keep in his enjoyment. It makes us feel good to know we are satisfying you. It makes me want to give more bjs. Same thing to men with women.

There are women who fake orgasms. It's impossible to know the truth. Only the person knows, unless they tell you and of course you can't prove anything.

I think women having trouble orgasming during piv sex is more common than women having multi orgasms during piv sex. But it happens.

Your focusing on all these "signs" that she's having orgasms. But the truth is, it could be fake or not. There is no way to tell.
 
#34 ·
Your focusing on all these "signs" that she's having orgasms. But the truth is, it could be fake or not. There is no way to tell.
As explained earlier in this discussion, there is a way to tell.

If you don't believe me ask your husband to have his finger in your backside before you orgasm. Then have him keep it there till after you orgasm and ask then him to tell you what it felt like, before during and after.

I found this out for myself when I noticed the difference, with my ex-wife whom I lost my virginty with. And it has been the same for all of the woman I have done this with after her, regardless of their nationality, race, cultural background, height build and age.

That said since I'm not the only one who has experienced this or knows about this, I'm surprised that it isn't common knowledge/experience amongst all who are participating in this discussion.
 
#37 ·
I've told former partners, "I don't fake it, and I won't tell you that I came when I didn't. If I'm happy in bed, I'm noisy. I can't help it. If you have to ask, or are wondering if I came, I probably didn't and you should keep going. When/if I orgasm, there should be no doubt in your mind." Real Estate will sometimes ask me how many times I climaxed... I tell him that after 3 or 4 times, my brain isn't capable of counting anymore, and sometimes the multiples just roll into one big, long orgasm that simply has waves instead or clear stops and starts.

If you know she doesn't lie or doesn't fake it, I would say that all the things mentioned in the OP are a pretty good sign.
 
#42 ·
I've told former partners, "I don't fake it, and I won't tell you that I came when I didn't. If I'm happy in bed, I'm noisy. I can't help it. If you have to ask, or are wondering if I came, I probably didn't and you should keep going. When/if I orgasm, there should be no doubt in your mind." Real Estate will sometimes ask me how many times I climaxed... I tell him that after 3 or 4 times, my brain isn't capable of counting anymore, and sometimes the multiples just roll into one big, long orgasm that simply has waves instead or clear stops and starts.

If you know she doesn't lie or doesn't fake it, I would say that all the things mentioned in the OP are a pretty good sign.
Hmmm... explains why sometimes when I ask her she says "she doesn't know"
 
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