Strip Clubs/VIP Dances, or, Private Dances
Coming from a happy, healthy and committed relationship. I'm soon to be married, in early 2013. I couldn't be HAPPIER, or more in love, and it goes both ways. I often think to myself "I wish everyone could experience this kind of love, devotation, commitment and happiness in their life time; it's truly amazing."
I previously have had 1 serious relationship that was very controlling and abusive; physically, sexually and emotionally. As you can imagine, it was everything BUT what a real relationship is like, or is about.
I am a confident, secure, honest and a loyal woman. I'm very innocent when it comes to relationships, and other than what i've read, researched myself, or taken elective credits in school, I don't have much "real time" experience with relationships.
He possesses the same traits, and he has had one relationship also. She was unfaithful (and denied it), and he ended their relationship. He spoke her nearly 6 years later over dinner, to clear the water, which he has never spoken to her again. Not relevant, but show's his level of confidence, honesty and trueness to himself
Niether of us have a lot of relationship experience, but I have had longer experience then him. I have had way less experience with different partners, and he has had more experience with different partners in the bedroom (Not in a bad way, but lived the typical college bachelor life).
We are honest and open with each other. We trust each other. We have good communications skills over all, and every area of our commitment to each other is exceptional. We are two very in love and happy individuals.
His young, 20 something year old (virgin) work buddy is shipping out for the marines in febuary. Some work buddies and him (Fiance) are planning to take the virgin marine out to the strip club for his going away party. I get it. There guys, and he is over the age of 20 and a virgin.
While chatting the other day about the going away event he mentions "..since my birthday is in febuary I thought we would do it all in one celebration weekend." Im also ok with that, but didn't expect him to celebrate his birthday in this kind of way...I thought it was about his Virgin co-worker going not his birthday, BUT..the reality of that is..it's convienent, and I don't care. No questions ask..I like to pick and chose my thoughts/battles..and It does not bother me he goes. Through our conversation, I asked if he thought VIP Dances/Private dances are an ok thing to do during a committed relationship, or in marriage. He personally thinks they are. I do not. He asked me what I thought, and I told him "I don't think they are ok." He said he wouldn't get one then, out of respect for me. I respect that, and that's all I'm looking for..that's EXACTLY what I'm looking for, or ask. Beyond that, I trust him, and there is no doubt in my mind he will hold true to his word.
However, a lot of different emotions and questions seem to popping up in my mind. I don't get it. I don't get men. Maybe it's my pure outlook on relationships and marriage, or my innocensse but a day later, and I feel sad he thinks they are ok. I've thought this out a little more and here are some things that come to mind..
Why does he think this is ok?
Had I not given my viewpoint..and he ever proceeded with one..I would feel like..
This is emotional cheating. You have another woman that you have picked out and paid that you think is sexually attractive to give you a personal, private, sexual dance. You are emotionally thinking about another women sexually, and physically have her there, dancing around you naked, or even on top of you naked. Yeah, he can't touch her, nor would he touch her, but she can touch him. Would he allow her to dance on his lap; grinding, moving, etc. OR put/rub her lady bits on him/in his face-I don't know? Probably..that's truly the point of a VIP dance. How is this not cheating? If this was going on at a bar, it would be cheating, but because he has made advanced plans to go, and is PAYING her for this, it's not considered cheating...only because it's socially acceptable for men to do this?
I understand men are visual creatures, but why is it not satisfying enough to be 3 feet from her watching her dance on stage, rather than having her dance for you, on top of you, alone in a VIP.
How could the thought of wanting another women to sexually arouse him go through his head? He said it wouldn't be arousing to him..BUT..that is the sole intent and purpose of a VIP dance. Granted, a male stripper would not give me the same sexual satisfaction a female one would for a male, but in the same light, even though it doesn't, there is no way I would ever want a VIP dance from a male stripper, or morally feel it would be ok. My feelings are, if you have a dedicated, loyal and spouse at home (he is just as good to me too, folks), that you could do anything you want with, why is the thought of partaking in sexual things with another woman there?
Final verdict for me?
Strip clubs--PARTY it up (!!) Yes, He is coming home to me at the end of the night. And I have full faith and trust in him and our relationship..
VIP Dances/Private dances- No chance. Not appropriate in my eyes, at all. Would it be the end of the world if he did? No, i'd get over it, because this is what society is like anyway, but I'd be hurt, and we would have some rough terrian to go over. Point is, he wouldn't do it, because he loves and respects me.
I prefer responses to be from BOTH men and women, as well as from married people, or from someone whom has been in a devoted, happy and healthy relationship for some time.
Thoughts/opionions. What do you think?
The Mrs To Be!!
Last edited by Soon_To_Be_Mrs; 12-21-2011 at 06:49 PM.