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post #31 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:41 AM Thread Starter
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Definitely talking to a lawyer asap.... I can't figure out where he's storing these pictures. Somewhere on his phone but I can't find them anywhere and I obviously know they're there.
How tech savvy is he? There are ways (don't ask me how, this is like rocket science, I know it exists but have no idea how it works) to program one's phone so a normal user wouldn't be able to find or access certain files.
He is this kind of tech savvy ?? I am definitely not.
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post #32 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:43 AM Thread Starter
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He posted your pictures without permission. Has been watching women on web chats. Pressured you into having sex with another man. All these are pretty objectionable and the first is illegal.

He wants a certain type of sex life - and that's fine IF he had a partner who also wants it, but he doesn't. You are not sexually compatible, AND he has been behaving extremely badly.

Now he is being verbally abusive.

I think you need to leave. I don't see this getting any better. He shared your pictures without consent, illegal in most jurisdictions, you don't need to threaten him but it is leverage if you need it in the divorce.
With all of this going on without your knowledge... get the hell out of Dodge now!

That is the absolute nadir of marital distrust!
Nadir is right. There is no trust left for me. It disgusts me and I can't even bring this up or try and leave until I get my bearings with a lawyer and have my job back (we are moving in about 10 days back "home"). So I try to act casual until then.
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post #33 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

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Definitely talking to a lawyer asap.... I can't figure out where he's storing these pictures. Somewhere on his phone but I can't find them anywhere and I obviously know they're there.
Generally speaking a lawyer will have legal tools to help compel your husband to surrender all of this content and delete any and all copies. Most likely in the form of him agreeing to be subjected to severe punitive damages should any further evidence of him possessing the photos ever be uncovered in order to support an amicable divorce agreement.
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post #34 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:09 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

southernbelle84, everything has been said now, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you that this happened, I was imagining how I'd feel if I found out my husband was doing this, and I actually just can't even begin to imagine it. Besides the breath-taking betrayal, the embarrassment and humiliation of what you've been through is hard to get over, not to mention the fact that he's now using your friends for his own kicks.
It's absolutely, totally and utterly disgusting and I really feel for you, I would just dread to ever find myself in a similar situation, I find it SO disrespectful when people try to bully others into sexual acts that they're not happy to do, it is abuse just as much as a more obvious coercive act would be.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you don't doubt yourself or feel like you should give him another chance - I am a trainee therapist myself and I see first-hand how much people can improve their lives by attending therapy; your husband just didn't want to make any changes, but yet he wanted you to bend to his will, so please don't forget that you've done more than many other people would have done in an attempt to keep your marriage intact. You haven't been getting an inch in return, so even if you don't divorce, you definitely need to take time to yourself.
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post #35 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:14 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

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He is this kind of tech savvy ?? I am definitely not.
I don't know if he is or not. Most people aren't... but if he works in an IT field, he could easily figure it out. Or it's possible that another creeper taught him how to do it.

If he's been sharing these pics and such, the files have to be SOMEWHERE.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #36 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:17 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

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Yes, but the judicial system may or may not be able to address it in a way that would benefit her. She needs to talk to a lawyer for advice on how to proceed. She may also choose to protect her own interests over and above what her husband chooses to do to others and just let someone else deal with him. In the meantime a lawyer could likely get him to divorce amicably, give her a huge settlement, surrender any and all photos, and sign a nondisclosure agreement.
Yes, you're right, of course, she met get better results using the route you suggest. And the laws currently in place have not kept up with technology and cyber crime, and so are subject to wide interpretation.

I'm glad that you offered this up as an alternative.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #37 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

It is your choice
My recommendation would be to ask for a fair divorce with reasonable child support. You have this as backup in case he causes any trouble.

Get a screenshot of the site where he posted your pictures without permission.

Maybe check your bedroom for hidden cameras. (some places sell cameras disguised as clocks etc.).




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I might have to. It would demolish his career, and I will need to have child support from him, and I would hate for my kids to have to know that their dad did this.... but I just can't let it go
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post #38 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 10:02 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

Counseling doesn't magically make someone stop being a sexual miscreant. Nor does it magically make his fetishes and kinks disappear. You'll soon see that $300 for a divorce lawyer is the best money you'll ever spend.

It's very possible Freak Boy has utilities on his phone that hide apps and files from you being able to see them - only he would be able to. So these pics very well could be right there sitting in a folder called 'naked pictures' and you just can't see them. It's also possible he's got different memory cards he's using, storing your pictures on one SD card and other more mainstream stuff on the other one. I'd be doing a real careful search for micro SD card chips (they're tiny) wherever he may be able to hide them. Things that small are easy to hide.

Lastly, before his ass is booted out of the house for the last time, I'd make sure his phone was met with a horrible 'accident' - leaving the phone and whatever SD card may be in it at the time - completely irreparable.
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post #39 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:32 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

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Lastly, before his ass is booted out of the house for the last time, I'd make sure his phone was met with a horrible 'accident' - leaving the phone and whatever SD card may be in it at the time - completely irreparable.
In the event the photos are stored/displayed on social media via a secure app, destroying the phone may also destroy the needed security certificates/passwords required to delete those photos from being displayed publicly online.

For example: Whisper Legal

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Whisper is unlike other services because Whisper users do not register for unique Whisper accounts and do not generally provide to Whisper their names, email addresses, phone numbers, or similar identifying information. Because of the nature of Whisper’s service, Whisper does not have information about users' names, email or physical addresses, phone numbers, or payment accounts.
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post #40 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:48 AM
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Re: Unsure how to proceed

sb,

Very sorry to hear what you are going through, it's absolutely horrible and the opposite of protecting your spouse.

Why your H would want to expose you to potential STDs and the danger of other men is difficult for anyone to understand.

Tamat
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