Unsure how to proceed
This could be a long post, and I apologize in advance. This is my first post.
It all started about 7 years ago (we've been married for 8. He spent the first year of marriage in Iraq, so basically this has been an on and off problem for 7 years). When he was overseas, he would always ask me to put on lingere and send him pics of myself so he wouldn't have to look at porn to "take care of business". Of course I did this, because what harm could it to, right? Well fast forward to when he came home... I found a website open on his laptop that had my pictures on it. Only 3 of the many that I sent. I confronted him. He was very apologetic, freaking out that I would leave him, etc. He said that he just wanted to look at the porn and in order to gain access to the website he would have to submit a few photos. He picked ones that didn't clearly show my face, etc. He took the pictures off the website and deleted his account, etc.
Fast forward another year or so. I found that he had been paying for women to do things (ex. masturbate, use dildos, etc.) on a webcam while he watched. It made me absolutely sick. I again confronted him about it, same song and dance of apologize, delete account, etc. Then, about 6 months later, he confessed to me that he has the cuckold fetish and that he had been sending my pictures to other men for them to look at, etc. He went on and on about it while I physically felt sick to my stomach. I demanded he go to counseling. He agreed that he had a problem and he would go. Well, he never went. That was 4 years ago.
It seemed like for a long while after this incident he didn't speak of his cuckold desires until we went on a trip for our 5th anniversary. While we were gone, he had gotten on craigslist and "found" someone to fulfill his fantasy. He knows I am not into it, yet he went ahead and tried to get me to do it. He continually tries to push the boundaries and I'm sick of it. Over the past few years, he constantly brings it up, wants me to tell stories from my past, looks for people for me to "chat with" and tries to find people on craigslist that I might "want" to hook up with, etc. Finally, I did it (about 6 months ago... not on our anniversary trip) just to make him stop bugging me. I let him watch me with another man. This was a terrible idea. It just left me feeling disgusting and dirty and used. At the same time it sparked his desire even more. Now he is constantly asking if he can take pictures of me and send them to people (sometimes i let him take a pic or two if it doesn't have my face or tattoo in it). And he is always "joking" with his friends by "offering my services" (they don't know that he is serious). And recently, I snooped through his phone and found that he has been using my BEST FRIEND's picture (nothing dirty, just a picture he took from facebook) and sending that to men to jerk off to. And I found a conversation between him and one of the guys that said was basically saying he wanted to sleep with her (she would NEVER go for that).
Aside from the sexlife stuff, he is a decent husband for the most part. He works incredibly hard and provides for us (we have 3 kids). Recently, he has been having anger management issues and has been increasingly verbally/emotionally abusive towards me. I'm really at my wits end. This marriage isn't healthy for me and I don't want my kids growing up around this. I've been asking him to go to counseling for over 4 years and he has yet to go. I've contacted a divorce attorney who wants $300 for an hour of consultation to talk about my options and stuff like that. Has anybody been through anything like this before? I'm at a loss, and obviously I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know in real life about this. Do I give him one final ultimatum of counseling or divorce, or do I just go ahead with the separation/divorce? Any advice?