Side effects of too much sex? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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Side effects of too much sex?

Perhaps this could be an interesting and useful topic to discuss here. Something that many of us HD folks kind of know about ourselves but perhaps turn a blind eye and ignore it. But what exactly happens to the HD folks here that you might describe as negative side effects when opportunities for sex are too abundant? Here are some models:

HONEYMOON PERIOD
This is the part of a relationship that last for perhaps a few months to a few years in which sex is very frequent, but we all know it is just not sustainable. Most of us wish it were, but eventually life and responsibilities catch up to couples and they simply no longer have time to go at it multiple times a day. For whatever reason this period of a relationship seems exempt of any negative side effects of too much sex.

COOLIDGE EFFECT
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect is a psychological theory that suggests that sexual interest decreases over time in monogamous relationships. Efforts to increase sex within monogamy once this begins to occur may only serve to increase negative effects of loosing interest and make other partners begin to look more and more attractive. The best analogy I can come up with would be to force feed someone ice cream sundaes until they can no longer stand them. Then this person can't help but to notice all other foods that are different from an ice cream sundae and start desiring them.

OVERUSE OF PORN
We all know this has detrimental effects on relationships. Many heavy porn users find themselves so overstimulated that they can no longer enjoy "vanilla sex" that it just simple and natural. Must often sex must be very aggressive in order to attain climax with a partner, or anorgasmia may even occur (unable to climax). Many times heavy porn users may even feel complete lack of interest for their partners.

OVERUSE OF NOVELTY
New ideas and novelties can create too much extra excitement, and it is possible to overuse novelties to a point that sex becomes so unnatural that one's sexual orientation will destabilize in attempts to continue seeking out even more novelty. This is when heterosexuals start to become curious about forms of bisexuality and homosexuality solely because everything else is known/boring and this represents the only remaining way to seek out more novelty. This can happen to some men and actually cause a crisis thinking that somehow their sexual orientation has now been changed permanently. But if all use of novelty is discontinued, things will return to their original sexual orientation.

POST COITAL DYSPHORIA
Is the idea that what goes up must also come down for both males and females. Obviously the enjoyment of sex creates a euphoric feeling that our bodies simply can not sustain. In the event the body enjoys sex too much, afterwards one can be left in somewhat of a sexual hangover in which the body needs to replenish our "feel good chemistry" and we become susceptible to pain, loose our patience, and become irritable for no valid reason. Perhaps this is why people that are blessed with overwhelmingly exciting and passionate sex, find the rest of their relationship filled with constant bickering and arguments over nothing. Couples aware of this phenomenon sometimes find that it can be completely avoiding by engaging in sex that is gentle and relaxed as opposed to always being very rough and aggressive.

CHASER EFFECT
This is when you have had really great sex and your body does not want to come back down from that high, so one becomes sexually aroused immediately after sex in an attempt to avoid pain and discomfort of an oncoming episode of post coital dysphoria. While this seems exciting, it is a sign that one is about to experience stronger than usual withdrawal effects while they resume normal activities.

AFTER CARE
Those in the BDSM community are aware that really rough sex often requires aftercare. This is a period of time where one finishes experiencing being pushed beyond their known sexual boundaries, and already know to anticipate what it needed to come back down from that may not always be easy. Sometimes rough sex for these type of individuals will leave certain areas or muscles noticeably soar for a period afterwards.

While most couples may not experience these things, those of us HD folks have likely encountered some of these to a certain degree regardless of if we are aware of it or not. But the key question to ask ourselves is what negative impacts to these side effects have on our marriages?

Regards,
Badsanta

Last edited by badsanta; 02-23-2017 at 08:12 AM.
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 01:51 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

I had a rug burn on my knee once. Didn't notice till afterwards...
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

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Originally Posted by anonmd View Post
I had a rug burn on my knee once. Didn't notice till afterwards...
Yeah, me too. It's a rather painful side effect, but temporary. I don't really count that, as we now have a soft blanket handy that has fixed that problem.

Other than an abundance of happiness and love side effect, I haven't noticed any of the mentioned undesirable side effects. We're still in the HONEYMOON PERIOD, perhaps, but can that really last 17 years? Sure, we've slowed down some from twice a day or more during the first 5 or so years, to only about once a day now (and may occasionally miss a day, regrettably).

We've never really experienced the COOLIDGE EFFECT, but then we've always been open to playing well with others, even if only once or twice in a several year period. Maybe it just never arose because of that? Maybe that's a concern for sometime in the future ... we'll see. On the other hand, we've always been creative and change things up periodically, so there isn't much opportunity to become bored.

No, I don't think there need be any negatives to being HD, if your partner is as well.

BTW, @badsanta, this is a great list, especially as there are several items I've never even heard of before, much less experienced.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.

Last edited by Married but Happy; 02-22-2017 at 02:20 PM.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:37 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

I'd be willing to experiment. Especially if an extended period of over-stimulation is required. Or as the fictional character in a Steven Coonts novel said, I'm going to move to (foreigen country assumed to have many beautiful willing women) and screw myself to death before I turn 40.
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:54 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

How about testicles in pain after ejaculating like 4 times in two hours. When there is nothing left to give but you can still get an erection but have no semen to give.

I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:26 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

I think I qualify for too much sex. My wife and I were into wife swapping and swinging plus did a few thousand threesomes over a 45 year period. My wife's girlfriend lived with us so threesomes were our regular sex. However, after the threesome I would have one on one sex with each woman for quality making love kind of sex. Sometimes I also had a girlfriend so I would have sex four times in a period of a few hours. We also played with others on the weekend, so we had a lot of sex. I cannot think of any bad side effects. When things got boring we tried a new fetish and had a lot of fetish toys.

I was in good shape for most of my life so physically I was OK. My whole life was spent seeking as many orgasms as I could get. I was poly since the age of 11 when I had two girlfriends walk to school with me and organized make out parties after school for which I had to be lectured to by our parish priest. I had sex with a lot of women but only three long term relationships. All three are bisexual. I like threesomes and so did they. One liked gang bangs too. I have led a hedonist life. We never had kids so we had some wild sex parties and naked pool parties too. I had a 17 year old girlfriend when I was 14. She enjoyed teaching me and I enjoyed learning advanced sex.

If pressed to name one thing it would be how much I miss my former sex life. I am 65 and still horny every day. My wife is good for once a week since menopause lowered her libido. We still are into fetish play and my wife still has quick, intense and multiple orgasms. It was a wild ride and we were lucky in that we had no negative affects from it. Just lots of happy memories and a very good Prostate. Studies seem to show that having a lot of orgasms, like about 20+ a month in your younger years, lowers your chance of Prostate Cancer. So all I was really doing was preventive medicine.

Seriously, I never had any negative effects from a lot of sex. In my world there is no "too much sex". Just too few girls and time. During the day at work, I was Mr. Conservative. People thought that I had a boring and infrequent sex life. Little did they know.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 02-22-2017 at 03:31 PM.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

A permanent smile?
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 06:25 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

forget all that. my a$$ drags at work the next day from a good long old fashioned romp the night before. then, I cant get my mind focused and all I think about is doing it the next night.

think of the lost productivity to employers.
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:22 PM
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Cool Re: Side effects of too much sex?

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Originally Posted by anonmd View Post
I had a rug burn on my knee once. Didn't notice till afterwards...
Lord, what I wouldn't give for a good case of "rug burn!"

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 08:50 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

Me and my husband are both HD (now anyway ) and have a very active sex life, we love our vanilla but are also a part of the BDSM community. The only real negative effect I've felt personally is a lopsided walk the next day after a particularly long romp as for the BDSM after care, I enjoy that part. I get thoroughly ****ed and when it's over the attention and love and bonding are still there as he cares for me afterward, back rubs, leg rubs, foot rubs, etc. Maybe we are lucky or maybe it's common, I can't say....but damn do I feel lucky.

Very interesting read though. I hadn't even heard of some of these.

On another note, CARDIO AND STRENGTH TRAINING are a must. In the beginning I felt like I'd been run down by a mac truck afterward. Even then though, I still loved every amazingly sore muscle.

Last edited by Saibasu; 02-22-2017 at 08:52 PM. Reason: Add details.
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:36 PM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

I don't think I have ever had sex more than 5X in a week. So sad.

So, no idea what the effects of too much sex would be.
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:46 AM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

Having sex almost everyday, sometimes twice a day, for over 2 years has had the side effect of wanting more sex, wanting to be more adventurous, zero interest in porn, making more effort in our appearances, enjoying spending time with each other outside sex, non-sexual attention (hugging, hand-holding, touching) has become the norm , we talk to each other more and argue a lot less. We are sleeping better, have lost weight, and generally feel a lot less stressed by life's ups and downs, more patient with other people

Downside....having to change the bed sheets all the time
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saibasu View Post
as for the BDSM after care, I enjoy that part. I get thoroughly ****ed and when it's over the attention and love and bonding are still there as he cares for me afterward, back rubs, leg rubs, foot rubs, etc. Maybe we are lucky or maybe it's common, I can't say....but damn do I feel lucky.
As I had mentioned those into BDSM usually understand aftercare. How do you think your relationship would feel if your partner was did not provide that for you? For the purpose of this question imagine a partner that would become needy instead pf giving while you are coming down. As in he suddenly wants his back scratched and then promptly passes out.
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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

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Having sex almost everyday, sometimes twice a day, for over 2 years has had the side effect of wanting more sex, wanting to be more adventurous, zero interest in porn, making more effort in our appearances, enjoying spending time with each other outside sex, non-sexual attention (hugging, hand-holding, touching) has become the norm , we talk to each other more and argue a lot less. We are sleeping better, have lost weight, and generally feel a lot less stressed by life's ups and downs, more patient with other people

Downside....having to change the bed sheets all the time
@peacem but you are leaving out all the exciting temper tantrums over the past two years that it took for the two of you to accomplish all that!

At one point your husband got upset and demanded that sex only happen once every two weeks and told you to stop making intimacy in the bedroom so wonderfully awesome that it was concerning him (people do tend to get scared when they start to really love someone, so this was just his struggle to allow himself to love you much more intensely in my opinion!).

...anyway, I am glad to hear the two of you are doing so well!

Cheers,
Badsanta
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Side effects of too much sex?

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@peacem but you are leaving out all the exciting temper tantrums over the past two years that it took for the two of you to accomplish all that!

At one point your husband got upset and demanded that sex only happen once every two weeks and told you to stop making intimacy in the bedroom so wonderfully awesome that it was concerning him (people do tend to get scared when they start to really love someone, so this was just his struggle to allow himself to love you much more intensely in my opinion!).

...anyway, I am glad to hear the two of you are doing so well!

Cheers,
Badsanta
I honestly do not remember that! I do remember him having ED and becoming anxious around sleeping in the same bed - thankfully a thing of the past and a very short blip. We still have different blips, certainly not perfect married bliss, but neither of us are frustrated, we rarely argue, he doesn't use porn, he comes to me when he is horny, I go to him when I am horny, we work around times of non-horniness and are considerate to each others needs. I can't remember last time I masturbated, H hasn't masturbated alone in over 2 years. I look forward to going to bed and waking up. We have settled into a nice natural routine which sometimes involves one-sided stimulation. Menstruation is no big deal (for the first time in my life), I have learned orgasms are good for cramps. I am a nicer person to be around (for everyone), anxiety is definitely reduced, whenever I have pangs of anxiety I **** it out rather than bore everyone with my problems. H has noticed his libido has dramatically increased to the point of like he was in his 20's, albeit needing longer recovery time. He has also has become more adventurous - it just took time - but no regrets.

I don't expect it will last forever as we get older, but I don't plan on looking back and thinking I wasted my youth on '...too much sex'. Not going to happen .
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