The hotwife fantasy - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 06:20 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it.

So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?
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post #47 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

There is a relevant TED talk on monogomish or Monogomy 2.0. She talks about the fantasy and how to explore it as a couple so that you don't violate your joint boundaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=0sYguTPLpHE

You can skip ahead to the 9 minute mark for thoughts without actions, actions without touch, and then touch without violating your marriage vows.

Not really a great idea, but if it is your thing and her thing, then check it out. It is more about a FMF, but the same concepts apply.
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post #48 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
If your wife doesn't want to do it anymore then stop, don't push her into it.
Did you read my original question?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsmith2017 View Post
I'm trying to gain some insight/information on the subject. Anytime I search Google it's information from a porn sites, not the most reliable place for honest information.

Background
We are in our late 30's, married 16 years, together 18. Early on in our relation, not often but usually after a night of drinking, the hotwife thing would come in bed. We use to be pretty open about fantasies and curiosities but once we started a family,all that talk stopped. My wife has grown pretty conservative over the years. A few weeks ago I was restoring a friend's laptop, honestly, I wasn't snooping but I found out they have explored the fantasy. It's kicked the fantasy in overdrive for me.I'm unsure whether to attempt to tell my wife. I don't want to upset her.

I don't want to be judged. I would never force anything on anyone they were comfortable with.
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post #49 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by Talker67 View Post
i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it.

So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?
Someone more wholesome like tying people up lol
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post #50 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
There is a relevant TED talk on monogomish or Monogomy 2.0. She talks about the fantasy and how to explore it as a couple so that you don't violate your joint boundaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=0sYguTPLpHE

You can skip ahead to the 9 minute mark for thoughts without actions, actions without touch, and then touch without violating your marriage vows.

Not really a great idea, but if it is your thing and her thing, then check it out. It is more about a FMF, but the same concepts apply.
Thanks for the link
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post #51 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:53 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

I think it's a bad idea, but here is how I would approach it. If I were into this, I would simply ask my wife to tell me about her fantasies. I would ask her to be honest and don't worry about hurting your feelings. If one of her fantasies is the hot wife or MFM thing, then ask her if she would ever want to make it a reality. Tell her you can start very slowly and see how it progresses. At any point you can back away if EITHER of you feels threatened.

Just understand that once a deed is done, you cannot undo it. You can never unsee what you have seen. Lastly, it's not unheard of for emotions to get tangled when you do this. Just be careful.

Again, I would highly recommend seeking other options than opening your marriage in this way.

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"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
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post #52 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 07:44 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love.
100% of her respect.
100% of her compliments.
100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
100% of her beautiful body is offered to you alone.

Bringing another man into the bedroom Math Equation, brings your share down to 50%.

Why lose a good thing? Why take a chance of your share going to zero?

Zero, when she dumps you for another man...or other men.
Zero, when she dumps you for showing how much you value her. NOT!

Fantasy's are great until they become reality. Passion follows Natures laws, runs downhill, as does rain. But rarely in a straight line.
You are not a Prophet. You do not know how this will play out.
Your Profit Margin is a faithful wife in a faithful marriage. Do not gamble with your most valuable asset. The better half with the boobs.
Yeah, this.

You really have only one option, and that's wait and see if SHE ever brings it up again. You never know. But ANY kind of pressure from you, even hinting to her that you're still into this, makes it somewhat unlikely.

Now that you have a family, it's almost certain these old fantasies and talk of roleplay have diminished or outright disappeared. Prior to having children (and presumably back when you two were in your 20's) these types of things probably seemed interesting to her, and worthy of consideration. OR it was all simply talk on her behalf, with no intentions of actually following through. Just a bit of dirty talk.

Best case scenario, you wait until you're empty-nesters to even mention this topic again. IF she's at all interested in it, it would be when the parental responsibilities have more or less ended.

If you simply can not wait and have zero restraint with this, then see if she'd be into something like chatroulette (webcam based chat). Other men or couples can then, safely and from a distance, 'admire' your wife (and/or you).

I have very mild exhibitionist tendencies - something I've never admitted to anybody, ever. They're not strong enough to act upon (in any way, shape or form, except with my wife. If she catches me masturbating, it's exciting to me, and she'll almost always join in), and it's something I rarely even think about, but they're there. My wife certainly would not have any interest in this, whatsoever, and I wouldn't bother to even ask, I just know. However, if I knew my wife/partner had similar interests, I would have no problem - as long as it's anonymous. Sites like those seem to cater to that demographic, in which men, women and couples can view each other, anonymously. Wearing a mask or manouevering your camera in a way which doesn't show your face, for example.

But again, if your wife shows NO interest in this sort of thing whatsoever, best not to bring it up. As others have said, she may view this as objectification (which it is).

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #53 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 08:08 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

I spent over 250 hours trying to save a hotwife relationship. I am not good at many things but I understand this completely. It's generally a very very bad idea. For every situation that works out there are three that do not. The big issue isn't the marriage ending, it's resentment and stress that whittles away the marriage until it's a shell of what it once was.

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post #54 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 08:35 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

I don't think there is a faster way to get your wife to stop respecting you and check out than lending her out to other dudes like a VHS from blockbuster.

Seriously OP, get some counseling on why you get off on being emasculated.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 02-24-2017 at 09:25 AM.
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post #55 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 09:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I don't think this is a fastest way to get your wife to stop respecting you and check out than lending her out to other dudes like a VHS from blockbuster.

Seriously OP, get some counseling on why you get off on being emasculated.
Counseling because I had a thought, I've done nothing or mentioned it to no one.
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post #56 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by dsmith2017 View Post
Counseling because I had a thought, I've done nothing or mentioned it to no one.
Your thoughts aren't healthy for any man. You should be PROTECTIVE of your woman.

Not wanting to pass her around like free candy. Most women don't find that attractive either.

Don't you think it's better to nip it in the bud before you regret your actions down the road?

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #57 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 10:36 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

You need to lay off the cuck porn.
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post #58 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
Your thoughts aren't healthy for any man. You should be PROTECTIVE of your woman.

Not wanting to pass her around like free candy. Most women don't find that attractive either.

Don't you think it's better to nip it in the bud before you regret your actions down the road?
I'm a big strong man, I don't own anyone and I'm comfortable with my sexuality.

Last edited by dsmith2017; 02-25-2017 at 02:26 PM.
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post #59 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 02:53 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love.
100% of her respect.
100% of her compliments.
100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
100% of her beautiful body is offered to you alone.

Bringing another man into the bedroom Math Equation, brings your share down to 50%.
Your Profit Margin is a faithful wife in a faithful marriage. Do not gamble with your most valuable asset. The better half with the boobs.
Yeah... but how many monogamous marriages still end up destroyed because one-half of the married couple decided to have sex wtih co-workers?

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #60 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 03:08 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by Talker67 View Post
i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it.

So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?
Well... those divorce numbers are about the same for "mono" couples as well. "half of them got divorced" by researchers estimates... marriages still have %50 chance of divorce. Also, more conservative states have higher divorce rates.

Being a "conservative" (both the political sense and not) - doesn't inoculate from cheating and divorce. If the couple is not communicating, their marriage is weakened.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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