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post #91 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

My wife and I only played with others as a couple. That brought us into contact with married couples who had all sorts of arrangements like hot wives, cuckolding, open marriages or just one spouse could play, etc.. We saw the drama and divorces among them and got scared off from it. Rules or not, when emotions come into play, humans tend to make bad decisions. My best friend kept on seeing a girl that he and his wife had a threesome with. Their rule was no dating outside of the threesome but he did and even when caught, kept on doing it.

My wife's girlfriend's husband was married to a hot wife and after 2 years she traded him in for a better model and the guy she divorced is a doctor. His wife was our girlfriend with full permission from him. She asked us 3 times if she could leave her husband and move in with us full time. We do not break up marriages, so we said no each time which is why she is not with us now after 30 years of being our girlfriend.

I can give you lots of stories due to our lifestyle. Keep in mind that in your fantasy you feel no emotions but in real life you are flooded with emotions and not just arousal. Also remember that you cannot make your wife and the other guy perform like puppets for you, so it will not go as you imagine it. I had one guy who wanted to watch me with his wife. He freaked out before I even got his wife's clothes off. Seems that in his fantasy version his wife and I did all the things that turned him on but in real life we did not follow his mental script.

When you bring others into your sex life you are entering a minefield with more mines than fields. Our poly triad worked because it was not another alpha male for me to compete with. Alpha men want all the girls to themselves. Our girlfriend is a woman that my wife and I knew since our teen years whom we both loved and treated like family even before we made it sexual with her.

Reality is much different than fantasy. In real life you have guys who do not want to use condoms, sneak them off after putting them on, and not every guy your wife meets has a big penis and can go for hours. That is porn stuff. In real life you got guys who cannot get it up, ejaculate very quickly, smell, are too rough, treat your wife like a ****, have small penises, have large penises and think that is all they need to bring to bed with them. SOme will even think that just because your wife had sex with them, she is now their girlfriend and stalk her for months. I came home one day and found two guys loitering in front of the house that I shared with my girlfriend, waiting for her to come home. Maybe they saw her driver's license when she was using the bathroom or maybe she told them or they simply looked it up online.

I can also say that if anyone finds out, they are not going to think you are cool for doing it. As I learned the hard way, even good friends will laugh at you and talk trash about you behind your back. They will think your marriage is in trouble. Do not buy the idea that it builds trust. You are actually avoiding trust issues by taking away the thing that is considered a broken trust; cheating since you made sex with others OK even if there are rules. BTW, unless you are there watching, which most wives actually do not like since it inhibits both them and the guy, wives will do anything even if it is against their husband's rules. I have heard a few wives call their husbands after we had sex and what they described had little resemblance to what actually went on. I had bareback sex with all of them even though they were not supposed to. I am sterile so no pregnancy fears but they took my word for it and also that i was STD free. I got my one and only STD from a hot wife who did not know that her husband was cheating on her. He infected her and she infected me and I infected my wife. Could have been worse if I infected our girlfriend and she infected her husband or any of the other guys she was having sex with.

As I said about my marriage in the past; my wife could not cheat on me since there was no rule about her having sex with others. What am I trusting? That she will have sex with others and then always come back to me. That sounds good but in real life that does not always happen. Also note that if you read articles by sex therapist and psychologist, more than half the husbands into this are latent bisexuals. I agree with this after hearing it from their wives who say that their husbands spend hours looking at penises on line and are more into them than they are. Not saying you are bi. I had sex with two guys and am not bi. However, my wife let me have sex with other women because she was a latent bisexual who took years to realize it. By hearing what I did or having sex with me when I smelled and tasted of another women, she was using me as a proxy for her actually being with another woman. For guys like you and me, it is all about the sperm competition which makes sex with your spouse very intense for weeks.

While having sex with other women , sure enough I fell in love with a girl that I spent one night with and continued to see her until I left my wife. I came to my senses a month later and got back with my wife. I have a great wife who shares her girlfriends with me and yet I was overcome with attraction for some reason, to a woman I knew from work. Too dangerous for us and we just stuck to FFM threesomes after that.

One relatively safe game is to have your wife dress sex and sit at a bar and watch guys hitting on her even though she has her wedding band on. At a club you can enjoy watching her dance with other guys and do a little dirty dancing. At the end of the night she returns to you for the last dance before going home and talking about which guy turned her on and why. A little butt and breast touching was allowed and often my wife would feel the man press his erection against her. That was it though. We never took anyone home with us. What we did and saw made sex intense for weeks. We especially had fun on vacations where my wife's wardrobe was mostly from Frederick's of Hollywood. Sometimes she looked like a call girl. Guys were all over her but she knows how to handle herself and if a guy offered to buy her a drink she would tell them that she is married and waiting for her husband to arrive after work. If they still offered the drink, she would take it. If I saw it getting to hot and heavy, I made my appearance and my wife would introduce me to her new friend. I would thank him for the drinks and even offer to buy him one. Never a problem if handled correctly.

My advice is to keep it a fantasy. Trust is trust until the day it is not. If I had a dime for every couple who said that their marriage is strong and they have great trust in each other, and then divorced due to one or both having other lovers, I would have almost a dollar. It is a dangerous game unlike what you read, see or hear online. It destroyed the marriages of our friends and almost mine. Just try to find a real couple who is into that and also into a long married into their old age. Online you will find anything you can think of but in real life they are as rare as hen's teeth. We have yet to find a couple married as long as us who has some form of non monogamous marriage. They all are on second and third wives. It is your life and your choice. I am just telling you the reality of it and I do not think it is worth it. As I got older I got wiser and good thing too because I stopped all those things that were ruining the marriages of our friends and even our siblings.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 02-28-2017 at 02:33 PM.
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post #92 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

I think I'll just stick to monogamy. Group sex is too complicated. Complicated sex for complicated, drama-loving people.
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post #93 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:29 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

If you google the top ten sexual fantasies of BOTH men and women, you will find that the "hotwife" thing appears in the top ten for MEN , and the restrained or "rape" appears for WOMEN.

However, that being said, there is a big difference from what are "erotic scenerios" to share in bed, and acting out fantasies.

So buddy, before you go down that path, you might want to read some more, and read a two books called "Opening Up", and "More Than Two". Your "hotwife fantasy will be described in both of them, along with the problems you will most likely encounter.

So here are some simple things you might want to know
(1) in any non monogamous relationship in any format you want to enter, WOMEN hold ALL the power. Your wife will have absolutely no problem finding men who are even excited that she is married and it is no strings sex.
(2) do not bet on her not becoming emotionally involved with any of them. You can make rules, but just like in monogamy, these rules and boundaries are busted and breached. Women in most, not all, cases become emotionally involved with their sexual partners, and don't count on being able to put the genie back in the bottle so easily if YOU decide that you are not handling this fantasy as great as you think you will.
(3) better think real careful who you choose for this little experiment. Major issues can occur if it is friend, business associate, and if it is a stranger, are you comfortable with your wife meeting total stranger alone in hotel??? Not all will want you around. And neither may your wife.

Now, there are tons of other stuff you need to know but my only suggestion is you better understand that you will not control the outcome, your wife will. if you can accept that and the possibility of blowing up your marriage, proceed at warp speed ahead. just do not go in blinded. And read the damm books.

I, unfortunately, had the experience of reading them when I was told by my at the time delusional wife that we should consider having an open marriage. Youre heading for a cliff. Make sure you have a parachute.
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post #94 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:55 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I think I'll just stick to monogamy. Group sex is too complicated. Complicated sex for complicated, drama-loving people.
I so agree, a monogamous marriage is THE BEST. A husband who is faithful is THE BEST.
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post #95 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Is it weird that I ''liked'' your comment? LOL

Glad I'm not alone in this fetish, I think? lol
I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.

But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #96 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 06:16 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.

But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.
lol Yes, there are some threads on here about that.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #97 of 125 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:59 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.

But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.
I think its great that people wait for marriage though.
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post #98 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 03:51 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

That's sweet. Luckily - that's an opinion and I'll go with reality and what usually happens. But whatever works for you.

In the "good old" days of sex before marriage (was more fantasy than reality) - it was a stronger desire to get married younger because of sexual desire and stigma that sex is a "dirty thing"... even today, we have married couples who have been taught that sex is so nasty, that they may do it a few times just to have offspring. Ugh. But there are problems with that, especially in the modern world... in which most Marriage b4 sex comes from arranged marriages such as those in the middle east... sexual compatibility and sexual orientation.

- Thus, a lot of gay people married into something they realized, didn't do it for them. A husband that wanted other men and a wife who didn't have a husband that was into having sex with them. Its forced cheating and is unfair to both, but especially the spouse who doesn't/didn't know.

- Compatibility... That is when you find out how the parts fit... maybe his penis is TOO BIG or too small? Maybe she doesn't enjoy certain things. But that's okay in the old-days when women were more property than an equal part of the marriage. He does his thing, and that is all that matters. What if she wants to receive oral too? What if he demands anal sex - either direction. What if she wants 5 min sex and he wants 50min sex? Then you are "stuck" with that person till someone dies... and people were (and still) get killed to avoid divorce.

Thank God I didn't have kids or marry any of the women in my past... I'd be miserable or they would. Some were incompatible in the sex department. Sorry - but if a woman just lays there like a dead body, it just doesn't work for me, that happened to me once, and that was one too many women for me. A woman who I thought would be GOOD GF material, well - we both knew that we were not compatible in the bedroom after the 2nd time. We never talked about it - we just stopped talking and seeing each other. I'd rather cuddle with my wife without having sex - in the nude, than have sex with that particular woman again. If it was a marriage before sex, we both would not be happy. But she had one kid before me and two kids after me - so obviously she found someone that worked out.

Men and women come in different shapes and sizes and that rings true for their privates. There are vaginas I like and those I do not. What I don't like - a friend does... same goes for breasts, nipple sizes, etc, etc.
An exGF of a few months - sorry to say, I could never stand her bush... it was a forest. I never could enjoy it... and not all women have the same kind of bush.

So yeah... folks. By all means, play the field - find what you like in a person both inside and outside the bedroom.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.

Last edited by TaDor; 03-01-2017 at 04:03 PM.
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post #99 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:26 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

That might have come across harsher than I meant. I mean, if a couple wants to wait until marriage before sex... that is their choice, no skin off my back. It's fine. I think it's better to make sure things work sexually as well.

An friend from my past a LONG time ago was a virgin. Some friends, including myself were concerned that he will marry the first woman who pops his cherry and it'll be bad. I think he was about 22~23 years old. Got married within a year. Kinda wasn't around much and when he was about a year later - he wasn't happy. He said some rather harsh words about her to us - that wasn't love. I've never talked about my wife that way (other than during/about her affair). Hell, one time - I think my friend's wife was trying to get me to see her alone once (and only one time). I called up, wanting to meet up with him and she invited me to "come over" and hang out until he came home. It felt strange how she said it and I declined. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. He was a very religious and very clean-cut guy.

Anyway. Vinnydee had made some excellent points about open marriage and such. While I *could* handle it - my other half did not... the fallout wasn't worth it.

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post #100 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:32 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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That might have come across harsher than I meant. I mean, if a couple wants to wait until marriage before sex... that is their choice, no skin off my back. It's fine. I think it's better to make sure things work sexually as well.

An friend from my past a LONG time ago was a virgin. Some friends, including myself were concerned that he will marry the first woman who pops his cherry and it'll be bad. I think he was about 22~23 years old. Got married within a year. Kinda wasn't around much and when he was about a year later - he wasn't happy. He said some rather harsh words about her to us - that wasn't love. I've never talked about my wife that way (other than during/about her affair). Hell, one time - I think my friend's wife was trying to get me to see her alone once (and only one time). I called up, wanting to meet up with him and she invited me to "come over" and hang out until he came home. It felt strange how she said it and I declined. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. He was a very religious and very clean-cut guy.

Anyway. Vinnydee had made some excellent points about open marriage and such. While I *could* handle it - my other half did not... the fallout wasn't worth it.
I know loads of couples who waited till marriage to have sex, many are still happily married after 30-40 and more years. We waited as well, we had both been married before but we didn't have sex till we married. We have a great marriage. I wouldn't be interested in a guy who had had many partners before, or who wouldn't wait till marriage.
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post #101 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:08 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

That still puts them in their mid 60s+. And by all means, that's cool and all. But the cheating from M before S couples still happened, eh? I know a few couples who are 60~70+ yr old who have been married 40~50 years and are in an open marriage. So who's right? Both.

To a realistic degree - you and your husband did have sex before marriage since you both are married for the 2nd time. Something went wrong... correct?

I know it's easy for women to "fall in love". I've had so many who did, when they knew so little about me or my feelings. Then again, there are guys who do that too - wanting to marry someone before the date was even over.

Since much of the modern world allows people to divorce without someone getting killed. Everyone knows they have options. And women having more rights (Not yet Equal rights) - they can support themselves, not need "a man" in their lives - especially if they are abusive or cheating. In many 3rd world countries, a husband can beat and rape his wife - she is his property. She would have difficulty getting a divorce, if at all. So that has been a factor in the western world since the 70s as such freedoms have been fought to have.

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post #102 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:30 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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That still puts them in their mid 60s+. And by all means, that's cool and all. But the cheating from M before S couples still happened, eh? I know a few couples who are 60~70+ yr old who have been married 40~50 years and are in an open marriage. So who's right? Both.

To a realistic degree - you and your husband did have sex before marriage since you both are married for the 2nd time. Something went wrong... correct?

I know it's easy for women to "fall in love". I've had so many who did, when they knew so little about me or my feelings. Then again, there are guys who do that too - wanting to marry someone before the date was even over.

Since much of the modern world allows people to divorce without someone getting killed. Everyone knows they have options. And women having more rights (Not yet Equal rights) - they can support themselves, not need "a man" in their lives - especially if they are abusive or cheating. In many 3rd world countries, a husband can beat and rape his wife - she is his property. She would have difficulty getting a divorce, if at all. So that has been a factor in the western world since the 70s as such freedoms have been fought to have.
I have never known of a single couple with an open marriage. Its very rare. I dont see the point in being married unless you are going to be faithful.
Yes we were married before, both for a long time, but we didn't have sex with each other before we married.
Women in the west do have equal rights.
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post #103 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:54 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

She obviously isn't into it.

Drop it.
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post #104 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:37 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Actually, you probably know some people who are in an open marriage - but they aren't telling you. In various studies, about 4~6% of the population admits to being in an open marriage. That is far less than about 60% men have or will cheat on their wives. There are about 62million married couples in the USA. 5% of them = 3.1 million married couples are in open relationships (6.2Million+ people). But that could be higher since even anonymously, people tend to not admit things.

The original function of marriage is property. When you died, you had offspring to have your stuff. Men having more than one wife was common all over the world thousands of years ago. Did it mean he was cheating? And as we know, being married doesn't keep anyone faithful. With some people cheating days before, days after and even day of the wedding. Getting married out of "love" is a more recent and current version in the west. In some cultures - is it really "love" when a 12yr old girl is arranged-married to 60yr old man? It's a business transaction... and unfortunately, it happens way more than it should.

In countries like England and Germany, women have more equal rights than those in the USA - hell, the USA isn't even in the top 10.
So no - in the USA - women DO NOT have equal rights. That is what the ERA was for. Women don't get paid as much. Men are writing laws that control women. Women are at a disadvantage. Guess who voted against women rights (but women also voted against themselves)?

Wait, Women Don't Have Equal Rights in the United States? | The Huffington Post

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Last edited by TaDor; 03-09-2017 at 02:22 AM. Reason: fixed a wrong word
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post #105 of 125 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:48 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

No I dont know anyone who is in an open marriage, because those I know believe in faithfulness and integrity.
I believe about 50% of married people will cheat at some point, but that still leaves a massive number who never do and I respect them for it. its takes integrity to be faithful.
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