The hotwife fantasy - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:42 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Marital age counts for a lot. Marrying as a virgin shortly after puberty is one thing. Expecting people to spend a decade or two of their prime sexual maturity in a state of voluntary celibacy is unrealistic. I'd have a tough time believing anyone who succeeded wasn't simply LD, particularly if they made it look easy.
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post #107 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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No I dont know anyone who is in an open marriage, because those I know believe in faithfulness and integrity.
I believe about 50% of married people will cheat at some point, but that still leaves a massive number who never do and I respect them for it. its takes integrity to be faithful.
I don't know anyone who was married and is now remarried.
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post #108 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:11 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I don't know anyone who was married and is now remarried.
Dont you? You are lucky, I know loads.
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post #109 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:22 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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No I dont know anyone who is in an open marriage, because those I know believe in faithfulness and integrity.
I believe about 50% of married people will cheat at some point, but that still leaves a massive number who never do and I respect them for it. its takes integrity to be faithful.
I didn't say you knew people who are in open marriages. I said, you likely know someone - and that they are or were or will be in an open relationship, but you just don't know. Unless you are in the bedroom of every single person you know or met - you can't confirm.

I know things about various people's sex lives - but to others, they are the sweet / innocent / professional person that they only know. Most people do not know that I have floggers, handcuffs and other sexy toys I've used on women and of course - my wife. I know others like that too. But I've never laid a hand on my wife in anger and have been faithful to her. I don't have a bumper sticker that says "I spank my wife blindfolded"... wouldn't be exactly cool at the school's dropoff... eh?

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post #110 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:25 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I didn't say you knew people who are in open marriages. I said, you likely know someone - and that they are or were or will be in an open relationship, but you just don't know. Unless you are in the bedroom of every single person you know or met - you can't confirm.

I know things about various people's sex lives - but to others, they are the sweet / innocent / professional person that they only know. Most people do not know that I have floggers, handcuffs and other sexy toys I've used on women and of course - my wife. I know others like that too. But I've never laid a hand on my wife in anger and have been faithful to her. I don't have a bumper sticker that says "I spank my wife blindfolded"... wouldn't be exactly cool at the school's dropoff... eh?
But it would be interesting if you showed up in the gimp outfit for parent teacher conference.

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post #111 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I think its great that people wait for marriage though.
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I know things about various people's sex lives - but to others, they are the sweet / innocent / professional person that they only know. Most people do not know that I have floggers, handcuffs and other sexy toys I've used on women and of course - my wife. I know others like that too. But I've never laid a hand on my wife in anger and have been faithful to her. I don't have a bumper sticker that says "I spank my wife blindfolded"... wouldn't be exactly cool at the school's dropoff... eh?
Oh my gosh, does anybody here remember that old Cream of Wheat cereal (I think) commercial, where it shoes a bowl of Cream of Wheat cereal hovering over the kid who ate it for breakfast as he very actively moves through his day? I told my girlfriend that I am so happy we don't have icons of all the toys/floggers we use following us around all day- people at work would be positively blown away at the array following me! I am one of those completely wholesome and caring people at work- and I really, truly am in life, but really, I think a lot of folks would be shocked. With that said, I know some folks at work have to be into the same thing.
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post #112 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 02:31 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Nods.... yep. What we do in the bedroom or scene *IS* not all that a person is about. It's just bedroom fun. I've done a few scenes at venues or did work at BDSM venues or events.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your flogger break in half on stage? All I'm holding is a handle! And a non-experinced at video recording friend press stop when the flogger broke... its like NO, you keep recording! It was funny as hell. There was likely a " ? ! " icon over my head for a few seconds. I switched to spanking her butt with my hand.

I know others in the scene who are parents... good parents. Just like ANY good parent - the kids do not know whats goes on in the bedroom with the adults. So yeah, people in the scene are no better or worse than vanilla.

Hmmm. I wonder if OP can consider some bondage for the wife. Even get a cheap starter set that works for 2-3 nights from Amazon.

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Last edited by TaDor; 03-10-2017 at 12:25 AM.
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post #113 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I'll post the link to my thread on what we went through. If you want the short story, we talked about it (mostly him as I was his first) and I decided to give it a try. We were leaning toward threesomes and knew it would be easier to find of guy, so we did my threesome first. I ended up seeing him again several times, both doing a threesome with my husband and then on my own. Hubby was fine with a relationship developing. Hubby found a girlfriend, also. I became emotionally involved and the relationship turned kinky, as well. We were going to fetlife bdsm parties. My husband was feeling excluded, especially as I was wanting some privacy in that other relationship (similar to waywards). He started spying on me, feeling as though I was cheating since I wasn't coming home and telling him all the details of my nights. I started *****ing about him to my friends, he started spying on my conversations with them, also. I was in AZ putting my dad into assisted living after a bad fall when he told me he was going to blow his brains out. I called the cops and he went to the mental hospital. When he came out, we were separated but living together still. We started going to counseling, and have just recently stopped. We're really good now, since we laid it all on the line and did the work to try to get back to normal. I'm amazed sometimes that we're still together.

If this is something that you can live without, I'd really suggest doing so. My story is pretty extreme but the point is that until you open a relationship you don't know what nasties are lurking to rear up and bite you. Insecurities, jealousies, etc...

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Wow, what a story. I am glad all is good now.
Wasn't the problem more the fact that you both had two different fantasies?
His was to share or watch you have sex with another guy while yours was to have relationships with other people? Sorry if I am mistaken.
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post #114 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:58 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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You may find it helpful to try and imagine a role-reversal in your head. Imagine that it is your wife but NOT you that has this fantasy of you becoming a hothusband for her! She found out the neighbor's husband was sleeping around, and now she wants you to start doing the same thing. In particular she wants you to hook up with someone of her choice and bring her in the bedroom for her to watch the two of you. In particular she wants to see you with am alpha woman that will dominate you, toss you around the bedroom, and leave the scene with you spinning around passed out on the ceiling fan. If you don't do this for her or at least talk about it and role play some, she is now having trouble getting aroused for you.



How would that make you feel towards your wife?



Badsanta


I would say "well ok honey, for the sake of saving our marriage, I will let all these women use me for your pleasures".
But seriously it's the bolder bit that would leave a bitter aftertaste.


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post #115 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 06:14 PM
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Wow, what a story. I am glad all is good now.
Wasn't the problem more the fact that you both had two different fantasies?
His was to share or watch you have sex with another guy while yours was to have relationships with other people? Sorry if I am mistaken.


I'd say that's true. We just didn't know it when we started out.
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post #116 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 07:23 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Funny before I was married I had hot wife fantasies too, it's just that I was the guy who ****s the other guys wife. Guess I am alpha that way.

Just kidding.
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post #117 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:37 PM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

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I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.

But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.
Is it weird that I might be on both spectrums? I sometimes get jealous about my wife having kissed another guy before we got together (we got together when we were 16) but was excited when somebody felt her ass while passing through a crowded restaurant. She was totally outraged when she told me about this, but my first reaction was "wow, that's hot!" (facepalm). She didn't speak to me for two weeks afterwards.

It's really strange, this hotwife thing. It seems different people get off on it for different reasons though. The bisexual thing doesn't resonate with me. I am trying to distill what it is exactly that might be hot about it. Rationally, it seems so very wrong on so many levels but it is as if this 'fantasy' or these thoughts are remnants from the distant primordial past (another male dominating your partner in front of you and the partner getting all ecstatic and you feeling totally helpless?). Perhaps it's some kind of mis-firing or wire mis-crossing? Where excruciating pain is mistaken for some kind of hotness?? I don't know.

I first noticed the thought creep in while watching porn occasionally: I got so bored from it at one time (when I wasn't getting any action due to wife having just given birth for the 3rd time etc) and started imagining my wife in those clips instead. It gave the experience a different dimension and felt "different"/exciting for a while. Then one night I asked her, jokingly, while giving her oral, if she could tell the difference if I left the room and came back to continue, but it turned out it was a friend of mine continuing giving her oral, instead of me? Would she mind that much? A tongue is a tongue etc...(One of the top ten things NOT to say to your wife during oral!).

It's weird. In all the scenarios in my head, the people don't have faces/personalities (except for my wife). As soon as I put a face to them, I am ready to hack them to pieces.
But there is definitely something in those thoughts; as in it is some kind of fetish. But I don't think I could ever go through with it in real life.

Since I also have a mild exhibitionist side, I thought maybe performing sex acts together in front of a webcam in one of those chat rooms where people tell you what things they want to see etc might be a harmless-ish way to live out some of those fantasies (where we'd be in total control and it would be completely anonymous). But I worry she (or I) will still feel horrible afterwards and she will not speak with me for 12 years...

I think she does have (mild) rape fantasies and also is into role play (where I would pretend to be a stranger and take advantage of her etc). These things seem to turn her on.

The brain is a weird thing. I sometimes wish I could exchange mine for something I could understand better.

Last edited by inmyprime; 03-09-2017 at 08:52 PM.
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post #118 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:41 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Yep.... you are all over the place. Happens. People are strange that way, eh?

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post #119 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 03:56 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

Yes except all these thoughts are very much like nearing a cliff edge and in your head, you decide to jump. But of course you never do it.
These are just experimentations in thoughts for me and gauging what my own reaction is. Our sex life is relatively 'normal' and it is satisfying (if there are not too big gaps in between). The rest is musings.


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post #120 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 05:20 AM
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Re: The hotwife fantasy

rape fantasy *is* a thing... its not something I would be able to do. I can flog, bondage, scenes - but a fake rape is a boundary that I never considered. So yeah, a woman would set it up with a guy (meet in person at first) or is something she knows or dating. The typical fantasy is coming home and being surprised and whatever actions she has discussed beforehand. optional safeword. On a sick level, that has been used to rape an innocent victim a few times (known) - the one linked here is more recent: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.ab9fdf781f69 The one from years ago, I remember: Former boyfriend used Craigslist to arrange woman's rape, police say - latimes

The rapist should have MET the woman first to confirm that she is real, etc. I would assume at least - before taking a chance of raping someone who doesn't want to be.

You both have your fantasies and the thing is to find what you both are willing to do - that doesn't cause a problem in your marriage. My wife and I were open marriage - I had experience and don't mix Love with Sex. Had fun times. But things went wonky and cheating started. That's when it became a problem. Oddly, even thou she was the one cheating - she was also having some jealousy issues with me being with other women. This isn't exactly "hotwife" as I am not just going to sit there and watch. As you have shared - you get turned on with guys touching your wife - That is "She's hot - you want to touch her" thinking. Kissing = romance / Love. This is why kissing prostitutes is a rarity much less strippers. That is when your mind goes *ARGH KILL KILL*. In swinging / poly - kissing is sometimes okay - especially when its poly or its 2 gals and one guy. The dynamics all vary between person and couples.

A female friend of mine broke up with her fiancee a short while ago, she still has two boyfriends. The breakup had nothing to do with any of the guys - but his drinking and drug abuse which also caused him to mentally abuse her. So I and other friends supported her leaving him. Another female friend, a young woman of 22 has a few sexual partners - broke up with her BF over semi-typical stuff. She was not jealous of him with other girls. Sometimes she'll date a new guy and he would decide that SHE will be monogamous... that results in "uh - no. buh-bye".

There are those who do O-R just fine... married for 10, 20, 50 years... there are those who do it to spice things up will likely get in trouble. The problem I feel is that MEN project the fantasy onto their wives (cuckold / hotwife) and not understanding that sex with other guys - has a high risk of her bonding with one of the other guys and it becomes cheating. Having my wife lie and cheat behind my back, willing to destroy our marriage was extremely painful - beyond anger. I think was at risk of heart attack for days on end. That kind of pain wasn't worth it. We barely got back together - and its work in progress. This place help saved my family as a unit. Still divorced and all, but we wanted to get back together. Do we still like kinky stuff - yep. But we're not doing those things anymore. Going to stripper clubs is fine - we have fun, enjoy eye-candy and hang out with friends. So even let your wife go to a male strip joint... she'll likely ravish you.

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