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The hotwife fantasy

68K views 130 replies 35 participants last post by  ThatGuy2719 
#1 ·
I'm trying to gain some insight/information on the subject. Anytime I search Google it's information from a porn sites, not the most reliable place for honest information.

Background
We are in our late 30's, married 16 years, together 18. Early on in our relation, not often but usually after a night of drinking, the hotwife thing would come in bed. We use to be pretty open about fantasies and curiosities but once we started a family,all that talk stopped. My wife has grown pretty conservative over the years. A few weeks ago I was restoring a friend's laptop, honestly, I wasn't snooping but I found out they have explored the fantasy. It's kicked the fantasy in overdrive for me.I'm unsure whether to attempt to tell my wife. I don't want to upset her.

I don't want to be judged. I would never force anything on anyone they were comfortable with.
 
#8 ·
I third the "don't do it" vote. Your wife probably doesn't want to do this because she respects you too much. Ungrateful woman.

If getting cuckolded is your kink, look for other ways to satisfy the humiliation craving. Instead, see if your wife will role play with you. Have her tell you about an imaginary rendezvous with another man while your banging her.
 
#14 ·
As a fantasy, you can still have fun with it. Probably NOT a good thing to take into reality unless you have experience with something like ordinary swinging, and it went very well, with no jealousy issues, etc. I knew one couple who were into this, and they had fun with it for a number of years. They weren't married, though, and eventually she tired of it while he did not. They split up - very amicably. He found another gf into the hot wife scenario, though, and they eventually married. I don't know if they still pursue this, however. Knowing them both, though, I'd guess not.
 
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#18 ·
A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love.
100% of her respect.
100% of her compliments.
100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
100% of her beautiful body is offered to you alone.

Bringing another man into the bedroom Math Equation, brings your share down to 50%.

Why lose a good thing? Why take a chance of your share going to zero?

Zero, when she dumps you for another man...or other men.
Zero, when she dumps you for showing how much you value her. NOT!

Fantasy's are great until they become reality. Passion follows Natures laws, runs downhill, as does rain. But rarely in a straight line.
You are not a Prophet. You do not know how this will play out.
Your Profit Margin is a faithful wife in a faithful marriage. Do not gamble with your most valuable asset. The better half with the boobs.
 
#22 ·
I'll post the link to my thread on what we went through. If you want the short story, we talked about it (mostly him as I was his first) and I decided to give it a try. We were leaning toward threesomes and knew it would be easier to find of guy, so we did my threesome first. I ended up seeing him again several times, both doing a threesome with my husband and then on my own. Hubby was fine with a relationship developing. Hubby found a girlfriend, also. I became emotionally involved and the relationship turned kinky, as well. We were going to fetlife bdsm parties. My husband was feeling excluded, especially as I was wanting some privacy in that other relationship (similar to waywards). He started spying on me, feeling as though I was cheating since I wasn't coming home and telling him all the details of my nights. I started *****ing about him to my friends, he started spying on my conversations with them, also. I was in AZ putting my dad into assisted living after a bad fall when he told me he was going to blow his brains out. I called the cops and he went to the mental hospital. When he came out, we were separated but living together still. We started going to counseling, and have just recently stopped. We're really good now, since we laid it all on the line and did the work to try to get back to normal. I'm amazed sometimes that we're still together.

If this is something that you can live without, I'd really suggest doing so. My story is pretty extreme but the point is that until you open a relationship you don't know what nasties are lurking to rear up and bite you. Insecurities, jealousies, etc...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...icking-up-pieces-after-om-suicide-threat.html
 
#30 ·
Ask most women would you want a husband who lusts for you and cherishes you body as his own, or a husband who wants you to give your body to another man so he can think of you like a pornstar? Which one do you think she will pick? It's that simple.

You don't see any books women read, movies or songs they listen to about there man pimping them out. Not unless it's for the shock value.

Pimping them out is what it is anyway. Lets not pretty it up. The turn-on is the power fantasy you have about getting her to do things with her body and soul that she wouldn't normally do (probably would be repulsed by) for your pleasure. That is the ultimate power. I'm sure you are gonna want pictures too, and eventually you will share them, because then you can show others what power you have over her. You get to feel like snoop-dog and pimp out your wife. I could get her to debauch herself just by talking to her.

Most women will lose some respect for you almost immediately and all it will take is one guy saying, "If you were my women it would only be me making love to you. You're to fine to give away."

BOOM you're the ultimate Beta.
 
#32 ·
I also vote for leaving this as a fantasy.

My H and I often shared fantasies or told each other stories during sex...

Our favorite was the FFM fantasy. I am bicurious so it was a very hot fantasy for us both. The only times I ever felt awkward was when he would talk about wanting to make it actually happen. We never did act on it, but found other ways to scratch that itch (sharing lap dances at a strip club for example).

In fantasy, nothing goes wrong... IRL anything can and usually does go wrong.

I've never been particularly jealous... I was honestly worried he would feel more left out than me, lol. The idea of watching him with another faceless woman was a turn on. But IRL... the third party isn't faceless,and I'd probably want to claw her eyes out!

I see no harm in sharing the fantasy, but be sure to make it clear you are not pressuring her.


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#38 ·
She may have liked it in the past but obviously she is now conservative. You wouldn't want her to feel that you need her to be someone else in order to make love to her. A woman wants to be made love to because of who they really are, not a fantasy. That's my opinion though and not sure what your wife's take on it is.


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#48 ·
Did you read my original question?

I'm trying to gain some insight/information on the subject. Anytime I search Google it's information from a porn sites, not the most reliable place for honest information.

Background
We are in our late 30's, married 16 years, together 18. Early on in our relation, not often but usually after a night of drinking, the hotwife thing would come in bed. We use to be pretty open about fantasies and curiosities but once we started a family,all that talk stopped. My wife has grown pretty conservative over the years. A few weeks ago I was restoring a friend's laptop, honestly, I wasn't snooping but I found out they have explored the fantasy. It's kicked the fantasy in overdrive for me.I'm unsure whether to attempt to tell my wife. I don't want to upset her.

I don't want to be judged. I would never force anything on anyone they were comfortable with.
 
#47 ·
There is a relevant TED talk on monogomish or Monogomy 2.0. She talks about the fantasy and how to explore it as a couple so that you don't violate your joint boundaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=0sYguTPLpHE

You can skip ahead to the 9 minute mark for thoughts without actions, actions without touch, and then touch without violating your marriage vows.

Not really a great idea, but if it is your thing and her thing, then check it out. It is more about a FMF, but the same concepts apply.
 
#51 ·
I think it's a bad idea, but here is how I would approach it. If I were into this, I would simply ask my wife to tell me about her fantasies. I would ask her to be honest and don't worry about hurting your feelings. If one of her fantasies is the hot wife or MFM thing, then ask her if she would ever want to make it a reality. Tell her you can start very slowly and see how it progresses. At any point you can back away if EITHER of you feels threatened.

Just understand that once a deed is done, you cannot undo it. You can never unsee what you have seen. Lastly, it's not unheard of for emotions to get tangled when you do this. Just be careful.

Again, I would highly recommend seeking other options than opening your marriage in this way.

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#65 ·
Just understand that once a deed is done, you cannot undo it. You can never unsee what you have seen. Lastly, it's not unheard of for emotions to get tangled when you do this. Just be careful.

Again, I would highly recommend seeking other options than opening your marriage in this way.
It starts off as just physical sex, but then the wife starts seeing the lover as the dominant male, and the husband as lesser sexual rank. Then she start having feelings of love for the new man, while having feelings of disgust for her husband who is acting so weird. then ....the inevitable happens, and you are sleeping on the couch as you hear her banging the BF in your bedroom
 
#53 ·
I spent over 250 hours trying to save a hotwife relationship. I am not good at many things but I understand this completely. It's generally a very very bad idea. For every situation that works out there are three that do not. The big issue isn't the marriage ending, it's resentment and stress that whittles away the marriage until it's a shell of what it once was.
 
#54 · (Edited)
I don't think there is a faster way to get your wife to stop respecting you and check out than lending her out to other dudes like a VHS from blockbuster.

Seriously OP, get some counseling on why you get off on being emasculated.
 
#61 ·
There is no way to get stats on this but from actually having worked with a number of hotwife couples I can tell you that the outcome of ruined marriages in that lifestyle is VERY high.

Also take into consideration that most people getting into that kink feel that they have a strong marriage to start. So even if there is an equal rate of failures, the failure will he harder and faster.

It's just a bad bad bad idea. Usually the kink is a result of trauma, such as being cheated on, since many feel that some kinks are the manifestations of fears. Like you were so damaged from cheating that you specialized it. Another take is the Freudian take that a hotwife husband is a repressed homosexual or bisexual living vicariously through one's female counterpart.

There are 'safe' reasons to, but you should seek counseling to really get to the bottom of these feelings first
 
#62 ·
hotwife and cuckold are similar but still different. With cuckold - the man is looking at getting off on being abused. I used to know a guy who is only allowed to have intercourse with his wife about once every 6 months or so - if he's been good. She on the other hand, has sex with guys all the time, easily 2+ times a week. He can't masturbate. He may be able to go down on her, if she allows it. Keeps in penis in a cage and padlock (That is a THING ) search "penis in a cage" Amazon sells them for $25~125. (No I DON'T have one) - what he is into and the cage this is... not my circus, not my monkeys. They have been married for 15+ years, totally in love with his wife. They did not start out that way, only in the past 4~5 years I'm guessing.

In the past 12 months, I know of 4 open-relationship couples (not including my own - which we have been mono since coming back together) that have broken up. 3 of them had nothing to do with cheating. 1 did, and they went to counseling and are back together. I never asked if they are still open relationship.

Seems like you are talking more of 3some.

As other have said... you're opening a pandora's box that you may not be able to close. Your gamble. You may go to another site, which is pro hotwifing (I didn't know about such a thing until this place) and you may change your mind and you try out some feelers next month or year. You can do you best with ground rules - but that doesn't keep things from falling apart. Also, many times - the man who wanted the fantasy, has a freakout when it actually happens.

#1 If you ever do this : lots of research about communications. I cannot stress that.
#2 refer to #1
#3 If you do this... then no more than 1-2 times a year. kind of like The Purge or Holloween night.
#4 Pandora's box: You bring it up "Remember our fantasies when we were young?" She says "NO". But she thinks about it... There is the new guy in Accounting that's a hunk. And then comes back says she is considering. You say "All right!" - She says "Give me a while to find someone"

Then she is having an affair and your marriage is dying.

Consider the strip clubs perhaps.
 
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#69 ·
hotwife and cuckold are similar but still different. With cuckold - the man is looking at getting off on being abused. I used to know a guy who is only allowed to have intercourse with his wife about once every 6 months or so - if he's been good. She on the other hand, has sex with guys all the time, easily 2+ times a week. He can't masturbate. He may be able to go down on her, if she allows it. Keeps in penis in a cage and padlock (That is a THING ) search "penis in a cage" Amazon sells them for $25~125. (No I DON'T have one) - what he is into and the cage this is... not my circus, not my monkeys. They have been married for 15+ years, totally in love with his wife. They did not start out that way, only in the past 4~5 years I'm guessing.



In the past 12 months, I know of 4 open-relationship couples (not including my own - which we have been mono since coming back together) that have broken up. 3 of them had nothing to do with cheating. 1 did, and they went to counseling and are back together. I never asked if they are still open relationship.



Seems like you are talking more of 3some.



As other have said... you're opening a pandora's box that you may not be able to close. Your gamble. You may go to another site, which is pro hotwifing (I didn't know about such a thing until this place) and you may change your mind and you try out some feelers next month or year. You can do you best with ground rules - but that doesn't keep things from falling apart. Also, many times - the man who wanted the fantasy, has a freakout when it actually happens.



#1 If you ever do this : lots of research about communications. I cannot stress that.

#2 refer to #1

#3 If you do this... then no more than 1-2 times a year. kind of like The Purge or Holloween night.

#4 Pandora's box: You bring it up "Remember our fantasies when we were young?" She says "NO". But she thinks about it... There is the new guy in Accounting that's a hunk. And then comes back says she is considering. You say "All right!" - She says "Give me a while to find someone"



Then she is having an affair and your marriage is dying.



Consider the strip clubs perhaps.


This stuff is honestly the pure devil being involved in your marriage.


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#63 ·
@eric1 : where you able to help out your friend? 250hours is a lot
@heartbroken50 : my wife is very bisexual. We've gone to stripper clubs it in the past a few times and plan to do it some more, but right now its not on our radar of things to do anytime soon. she is sometimes a chick magnet.
 
#67 ·
@eric1 : where you able to help out your friend? 250hours is a lot


@heartbroken50 : my wife is very bisexual. We've gone to stripper clubs it in the past a few times and plan to do it some more, but right now its not on our radar of things to do anytime soon. she is sometimes a chick magnet.


I did. It was an incredible amount of work and there was some luck involved, but the important lessons that I've learned here and other places were put into full effect. The 'system' works great.

I also personally completely and utterly destroyed his wife's boyfriend. You read so many of these stories and you know the right advice is to have the betrayed concentrate on their waywards, but man oh man did it feel good relieving my buddy of that struggle.
 
#64 · (Edited)
I forgot to add... perhaps look at OTHER kinky things you can do with your wife. There are kink parties or events, but that doesn't mean you both have to have sex with others. And easily HALF the people I know that are into BDSM / kinky lifestyles are "conservatives".
 
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