I shouldn't request a continuation of the conversation right? That will just make her less apt to talk.
Last - on a positive note, I did wake up to an earthquake the other night (I mean her solo). Must have some desire. I kept quiet and pretended to sleep.
Now this is sad.. SHE is horny.. and she's using her sexual energy solo...and hiding it from you... this would make me angry... what is going on here.. is she not orgasming with you??
Is there any resentment in the marriage.. I think you need to open up the masturbating dialog ... She should be saving her sexual energy for you.. the higher drive partner.. will she talk to you about her fantasies... what does it for her.. go out of your way to accommodate her..
If sex in the middle of the night is when she is horny.. set your clock.. work it out.. to bring you closer.. not passing ships in the night doing yourselves....
What SA said ^
As I've repeated ad nauseum here on TAM, sex and masturbation are two separate things. Although they (typically) have one thing in common - orgasm - they're apples and oranges.
However, you can deduce that your wife has a desire for orgasms. Why she chooses this method to obtain them, as opposed to sex with her husband - that needs to be figured out, and thus, the conversation needs to continue, IMO.
The most likely answer is that masturbation is simply easier and quicker, and she only has to worry about one person - herself. Some people are simply not 'pleasers'. It doesn't necessarily mean they're selfish, more that they're just not attuned with other people's needs the same way many of us are.
Therefore, when it comes to things like sex, these people will often do the things that you like, but not necessarily in order to make you happy. I do things I have no desire to do to make my wife and kids happy, because that's the goal. It makes me feel good to make them feel good. Therefore the act itself is irrelevant. Some people simply never see beyond the act itself (whatever it is, sexual or non-sexual; blowjobs, household chore, running an errand, etc.)
I think that's the simplest explanation for this, but requires more delving into conversation. 'Why do you have no desire for sex, yet desire orgasms?'
Now, one answer you will almost certainly get (or defensive response, anyway...) is that she IS willing to have sex, therefore you have no leg to stand on. While technically true, we all know it isn't that black and white. What she probably fails to recognize is that none of us simply 'want sex' - we want a partner who wants to HAVE sex, with US, because THEY want to have sex.
Some people, my wife included, do not (or did not) get this. To them it's black and white. 'I HAVE sex with him, so what's he complaining about? Why is this so complicated?'
All of this is familiar to me because I lived/am living it. My wife is LD, and has said the same things yours has - 'I could go without sex' etc. Slowly, over the years, I've gotten through to her that nobody wants to hear this, regardless of whether it's true or not. Her initial response was 'But I have sex with you!' and that was that. Black and white, to her. She never realized the simple act of saying she could live without sex the rest of her life affected all kinds of things in the marriage, never mind how I feel as a partner, a human being, a man. While I recognize her lack of desire for sex isn't specific to me, nevertheless it's damaging and depressing. She realizes that now, but it's too late to take it back.
Look, we all have our things. I'm not the most cuddly, snuggly, affectionate man on earth - and some women crave that in a partner. My wife appreciates those things, so I do them. My desire to spoon her in bed is simply not there. So I have to consciously do it, rather than organically. The difference between me and her is that she does not know I have to make a conscious decision to do this - because I'd never tell her in a million years that I have no desire to actually do this, and I'm only doing it for her. Because that would ****ing ruin it for her. Why would she want me to spoon her when she knows I'm only doing it for her?