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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 08:46 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

If there is a type of porn that is legal here, I have probably at least watched it out of curiosity. Porn and fantasizing can be a good thing if it enhances rather than detracts from your sex life.

Although, I have watched it before, I have no interest in being part of a gang bang, or BDSM, glory holes, or any other such thing. I also am not a lesbian, though it has been watched too.

As long as she sees it as ONLY a fantasy, you are good to go. Maybe role play with her, but never introduce anyone else into the mix or encourage that.

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post #17 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Not so long ago, I was a new mother at home with a newborn. The desire to escape (just for a moment) is incredibly normal. To want to use sexual pleasure to do that. Also normal.
Agreed! I couldn't wait for naps. For me embracing my serial side helps counter act the monotony of rearing children. It helps retain my identify.

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post #18 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 11:20 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.

She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal?

I am her only sexual partner. She has never done anything like that before, nor given any sign that she wants to. I am NOT into that. I haven't mentioned this to her yet... I don't know what to say. She is a very quiet, sweet woman, this isn't what I'd ever expect from her. Is this just normal fantasies?

Please don't troll... I seriously debated posting this. I tried to just Google it but all I came back with was every porn site on the web.
Jesus, take the hint, what physcology could possibly desire those things, maybe try exploring a bit.
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post #19 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 12:41 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Your wife is a sexual being. Sexual beings have fantasies. Doesn't mean she is going to act on them. Just talk to her. There is nothing to be embarrass about. People are freaky, it doesn't mean they are cheaters or have bad morals, it just means they like to escape. Seriously if you just talk about it, it may be good for your marriage. If you make it shameful it probably won't be.

Not saying you have to do anything you are uncomfortable with, but have fun with it.
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post #20 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 01:14 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Lots of people have sexual fantasies that they would never want to act out in real life. Bondage / rape fantasies are very common. It may be more the idea of being taken / forced / raped that excites her, not the multiple partners.

I'm not surprised / concerned that she hasn't told you - its the sort of thing that people find too embarrassing to talk about.

Things are fine, you don't need to do anything. If you do want to explore this then try some very mild suggestion for play in bed. See if she wants to watch 50 shades. Or joke about throwing her on the bed and having your way with her. Do it in a way that lets her easily back out, or escalate.
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post #21 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

i would guess she has a strong rape fantasy. Some women do. They like the idea of being forced "against their will" to have sex, and secretly enjoy it. I hear some women are the same way about anal sex, that is so degrading and controlling, that it turns them on.

You can role play the fantasy with her, help her to explore it in a healthy way with you. Maybe she blindfolds herself to not see you. then you tie her up and have your way with her, forcing her to do things she normally would not do. Then leave the house. You, her husband, comes back home a few minutes later from the corner store to remove her blindfold, untie her, and "discover" that she had been violated.

there are all sorts of variations. Some couples dress up in animal costumes, and have sex as animals would.
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post #22 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 06:04 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

If she's that shy it would make sense that a helpless scenario would be erotic. That fantasy is about being the center of a sexual festival with no responsibility for admitting or having sexuality. Many people are ashamed about basic hard core sexuality but this fantasy allows a woman to be completely sexual without expressing it - it's taken and forced but she gets the benefit of it.

Did she have a particularly moral or religious upbringing? Maybe she is turned on by sex but feels it's shameful a little bit inside.

Anyway I think you can do very simple, subtle things to find out. When on top work your hands up and grab her wrists and more forcefully have sex - just a bit and just a bit more selfishly - and restrain her wrists just a little (as in allowing her to move them and free herself if she wants). You might find she "gives in" a bit and lets you take some control. That might indicate she wants you to play with that sensation a little. As in, put your hand on the back of her head and gently but somewhat firmly push her to blow you... things like that without asking... these are simple basic shifts in control that many find erotic.

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post #23 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by sly8 View Post
My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.

She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal?

I am her only sexual partner. She has never done anything like that before, nor given any sign that she wants to. I am NOT into that. I haven't mentioned this to her yet... I don't know what to say. She is a very quiet, sweet woman, this isn't what I'd ever expect from her. Is this just normal fantasies?

Please don't troll... I seriously debated posting this. I tried to just Google it but all I came back with was every porn site on the web.
No its not normal, it seems she is addicted to this violent type of porn and she much stop watching it for her own good and the good of the marriage.The more she watches the more she is feeding what is not helpful for her.
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post #24 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:19 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Talker67 View Post
i would guess she has a strong rape fantasy. Some women do. They like the idea of being forced "against their will" to have sex, and secretly enjoy it. I hear some women are the same way about anal sex, that is so degrading and controlling, that it turns them on.

You can role play the fantasy with her, help her to explore it in a healthy way with you. Maybe she blindfolds herself to not see you. then you tie her up and have your way with her, forcing her to do things she normally would not do. Then leave the house. You, her husband, comes back home a few minutes later from the corner store to remove her blindfold, untie her, and "discover" that she had been violated.

there are all sorts of variations. Some couples dress up in animal costumes, and have sex as animals would.
Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?
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post #25 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?
Rape fantasies are not uncommon. It's not even outrageous to act them out as long as there is consent and nobody gets TOO into it.

Dressing up as animals? I have no idea...

Anyway, there have been some stretches where I went through strange porn fetishes. Nothing too crazy, just maybe not overlly mainstream. They were just a quick phhase then it got old and nothing more came of it. I never wanted or intended to act any of it out. It was just fantasy.

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post #26 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 11:51 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?
Rape fantasy amongst others is a thing.

You could try reading some of Nancy Friday's work to learn about this.

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Nancy Friday on Wikipedia

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post #27 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:03 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Rape fantasies are not uncommon. It's not even outrageous to act them out as long as there is consent and nobody gets TOO into it.

Dressing up as animals? I have no idea...

Anyway, there have been some stretches where I went through strange porn fetishes. Nothing too crazy, just maybe not overlly mainstream. They were just a quick phhase then it got old and nothing more came of it. I never wanted or intended to act any of it out. It was just fantasy.

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If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.
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post #28 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:04 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Personal View Post
Rape fantasy amongst others is a thing.

You could try reading some of Nancy Friday's work to learn about this.

Nancy Friday on Amazon

Nancy Friday on Wikipedia

www.nancyfriday.com
It maybe a thing, but not one that should be fed.
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post #29 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 08:04 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?
I think it's important not to shame people's serial preferences. As long as all parties involved are willing, consenting, adults then they should be able to play how they see fit. Who are we to judge? Sexual acts that some love make others uncomfortable. It does not make them wrong. It's like music. We all have our own tastes.

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post #30 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:18 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.
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It maybe a thing, but not one that should be fed.
Stop feeding the OP's fears. Your preference for vanilla sex does not render everyone else's sexual interests/fantasies that aren't in line with yours, wrong or concerning. Some may consider your sexual preferences incredibly boring but in much the same way it would be wrong for others to try to pressure you into trying new things, it is wrong for you to try to suppress the sexual interests of others and suggest that it is a perversion.

Having a fantasy is natural and you must realize by now (if anything based on your experience at TAM) that the rape fantasy is indeed very common among a decent chunk of the female population. Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.
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