My wife is watching gang bang porn - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:27 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Peoples sexual interest vary wildly. Your fantasies don't turn towards force / rape, and that is fine. Other people's do - and that is fine too. Fantasy really is completely different from reality, its just stories that people tell themselves, not something that they actually want to do. Sometimes people may want to play-act their fantasies, and that is fine too.

Someone who can *only* enjoy sex with some amount of coercion might have a difficult time finding a compatible partner and in some cases could be the result of personality / psychological issue, but I see nothing wrong with people who enjoy a variety of sexual ideas that include force.

Its not really different from a lot of other human activities. Many people enjoy doing things that give the impression of danger (roller-coasters, bungee jumping, etc), or even real danger (sky diving). Some enjoy things that are physically unpleasant (mountain climbing, endurance races, etc.). It doesn't seem strange to me that some people like an element of make believe danger in their sex lives.



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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.
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post #32 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:39 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.
I completely agree, but at the same time shame can be such a fun element for those seeking a thrill. The OP mentioned his wife was a very "quiet, sweet woman" which is an indication she is very ashamed of violent gangbangs, which is likely the exact same reason they might excite her so much!

Look at this (something extremely shameful and shocking), oh my!

In the event violent gangbangs were normalized, rehearsed, expected, techniques inspected by OSHA, and very common, then the OP's wife would be more like, "meh!"

So if the OP shames his wife and allows others to feed his fears, odds are it will only make it more exciting for his wife to watch this content. If he talks openly with his wife about it, tells her not to be ashamed because it is just a harmless fantasy, and that they should go shopping for a safety harness.... well their marriage would likely improve a little but all the fun and excitement would likely be gone due to the loss of adrenaline unless the OP can crank up the shame in a sexually creative way to help keep the sparks flying!

Cheers,
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post #33 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:58 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

The addiction aspect worries me most. For some people, porn really is an addiction like a drug. If she is getting into that territory it will be harmful to her and the family.

It could be her hormones are a bit whacky from the recent child birth. If her sex drive is off the charts she may be needing to get a release frequently, and she may be interested in things she never was before.

As long as the content of the porn remains a fantasy I would't worry that she is watching gang bang sex. Just because she finds it exciting to watch doesn't mean she has any intention or desire to do it in real life.

I'm not sure what you're worried about, though. Do you think she may be considering cheating? Or maybe she wants an open marriage or to try swinging?
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post #34 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:04 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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If she's that shy it would make sense that a helpless scenario would be erotic. That fantasy is about being the center of a sexual festival with no responsibility for admitting or having sexuality. Many people are ashamed about basic hard core sexuality but this fantasy allows a woman to be completely sexual without expressing it - it's taken and forced but she gets the benefit of it.

Did she have a particularly moral or religious upbringing? Maybe she is turned on by sex but feels it's shameful a little bit inside.

Anyway I think you can do very simple, subtle things to find out. When on top work your hands up and grab her wrists and more forcefully have sex - just a bit and just a bit more selfishly - and restrain her wrists just a little (as in allowing her to move them and free herself if she wants). You might find she "gives in" a bit and lets you take some control. That might indicate she wants you to play with that sensation a little. As in, put your hand on the back of her head and gently but somewhat firmly push her to blow you... things like that without asking... these are simple basic shifts in control that many find erotic.

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shyness is a sign of submissive behavior, She WANTS to be dominated and because her husband is not dominating her, she is seeking that feeling else where.
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post #35 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Stop feeding the OP's fears. Your preference for vanilla sex does not render everyone else's sexual interests/fantasies that aren't in line with yours, wrong or concerning. Some may consider your sexual preferences incredibly boring but in much the same way it would be wrong for others to try to pressure you into trying new things, it is wrong for you to try to suppress the sexual interests of others and suggest that it is a perversion.

Having a fantasy is natural and you must realize by now (if anything based on your experience at TAM) that the rape fantasy is indeed very common among a decent chunk of the female population. Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.
Preach it! We're all into our own thing. Some like vanilla, some like a little more.

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post #36 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Stop feeding the OP's fears. Your preference for vanilla sex does not render everyone else's sexual interests/fantasies that aren't in line with yours, wrong or concerning. Some may consider your sexual preferences incredibly boring but in much the same way it would be wrong for others to try to pressure you into trying new things, it is wrong for you to try to suppress the sexual interests of others and suggest that it is a perversion.

Having a fantasy is natural and you must realize by now (if anything based on your experience at TAM) that the rape fantasy is indeed very common among a decent chunk of the female population. Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.
Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.
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post #37 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 02:24 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.
I completely agree with that, and you should post. But just be aware that you are likely telling the OP what he wants to hear and not what he needs to hear. Obviously his wife has no qualms about watching this type of adult content, while he does have problems with it. Solving this problem with like-minded individuals will probably just serve to create more frustration for the OP. He first needs to expand his points of view and be able to see all the aspects of this situation from people giving him advice from the point of view similar to his wife.

Imagine being a conservative and suddenly discovering you are married to a liberal. For sure it is so easy for him to grab onto conservative views and advice, but first he needs to understand and try to better empathize with more liberal viewpoints before deciding how to proceed in his marriage regarding this topic. The combination of a conservative and liberal are an ideal combination as their conflicting philosophies on life tend to create diversity when the two actually find ways to work together. Odds are she can let go of compulsively watching porn, if he can learn to embrace some mild role playing to provide some variety other than insisting he just be himself every time.

Generally speaking those that are afraid to take on the role of playing out the fantasy of being someone that they are not in real life, have to take a close look as to why they would feel threatened by doing that. It is usually a fear of being loved for someone that you are not, but in reality your partner sees you as being someone who is not afraid to try doing something a little outside your usual comfort zone and just have fun doing it.

From an innocent point of view, imagine someone that refuses dress up for halloween because they insist that just being themselves will be the most fun at the party!
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post #38 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 06:34 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Please keep posting, the point of discussion is to have many points of view.

I do know women who are into BDSM and various force fantasies but I live in a very socially liberal community. Its difficult to say how common these are, but the popularity of 50-shades suggests that it is a quite common fantasy.

The reason to encourage fantasies is that they are fun. It seems fine to me as long as no one is actually hurt.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.
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post #39 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:18 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.
Rape is one of my hottest fantasies, and I role play with my partner a lot. The same with porn. Honestly, to each his or her own. It might not be your cup of tea, but if two people enjoy it, or one person....what should it matter to anybody else? We are nearly all sexual beings, and we all fall on some place on the sexual scale...some at one end, others at the other. It doesn't make one group good or bad.
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post #40 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:29 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Please keep posting, the point of discussion is to have many points of view.

I do know women who are into BDSM and various force fantasies but I live in a very socially liberal community. Its difficult to say how common these are, but the popularity of 50-shades suggests that it is a quite common fantasy.

The reason to encourage fantasies is that they are fun. It seems fine to me as long as no one is actually hurt.
Fantasies and role play are crazy fun!

Honestly, I think kinksters have healthier relationships, sometimes. We talk to each other honestly about our wants and desires. We have to trust the other completely in order to divulge such taboo ideas and fantasies, and to trust the other person to respect our limits and needs. This is something I see lacking in so many relationships. People are too afraid to say what they want/need.
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post #41 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:36 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Preach it! We're all into our own thing. Some like vanilla, some like a little more.

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I agree with you....Molly and Keke.

But I love the @Diana7 's of the world. While a good share of the world are having inordinate fun and pleasure, Diana and her Brethren are holding the seams of our civilization together.

A family needs at least one conservative matriarch to keep the rest of her brood in fine order.

A fine wife she be for a fine man. Vanilla will never lose it's comfortable place on my palate.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #42 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:51 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Just because people like to watch a certain something doesn't mean they want that in real life.
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post #43 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 08:00 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.
I think it is more like a horror movie. No one is going to become Freddy Kruger because they watched it. No one sane anyway. It's just in the mind.
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post #44 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:43 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by introvert View Post
Fantasies and role play are crazy fun!

Honestly, I think kinksters have healthier relationships, sometimes. We talk to each other honestly about our wants and desires. We have to trust the other completely in order to divulge such taboo ideas and fantasies, and to trust the other person to respect our limits and needs. This is something I see lacking in so many relationships. People are too afraid to say what they want/need.
I think your probably right. There is also the added benefit of excitement and new experiences while furthering the bond with your partner

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post #45 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 03:40 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Fantasies and role play are crazy fun!

Honestly, I think kinksters have healthier relationships, sometimes. We talk to each other honestly about our wants and desires. We have to trust the other completely in order to divulge such taboo ideas and fantasies, and to trust the other person to respect our limits and needs. This is something I see lacking in so many relationships. People are too afraid to say what they want/need.
I cant agree with this at all. We have a great marriage and great sex life, but we don't use porn and we don't have secrets from each other. We just see sex as something we greatly enjoy but that we see as an expression of love, and bringing any sort of violence into that would be hypocritical to what we see sex as.Plus neither of us want to 'pretend' to rape or to hurt each other.
I am fortunate to have a husband who has never looked at porn and whose sexual desires and needs make it so easy to love him and please him.
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