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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:38 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

OP, she's only 24. And you're her only partner? She's still a kid. I'd be shocked if she DIDN'T explore other things. If anything, you should be excited she's trying to figure out what turns her on! Fantasies are NORMAL and HEALTHY. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool. I'd be more concerned if she didn't fantasize. I would approach it gently, and even offering to watch stuff with her. Ask her what she likes to watch and don't judge or criticize. DO NOT make her feel bad about it!!! You say she's quiet, so maybe she needs some gentle coaxing out of her shell. Tell her you want to make sure she's satisfied and you're ok (and happy/exited about it) she's exploring her sexuality. Let her know it's ok. Just because she's watching GB clips doesn't mean you're bound to come home to the FedEx crew nailing her one day.

There are so many kinks and genres of porn, that even some of the crazier ones can turn a person on. Hell, I won't even admit some of the stuff I'm sort of fascinated to watch here, but would be horrified if my wife did something like what I see sometimes.

The huge risk people take when getting married so young is that they don't even know who they are yet, what they like, what they ultimately want, etc. In your case, you could unleash a sexual beast - or make her repress her feelings and pay for it later on down the line. Foster the first option. You may have a freak on your hands. You just don't know it. Good luck!!
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post #62 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
I think it's important not to shame people's serial preferences. As long as all parties involved are willing, consenting, adults then they should be able to play how they see fit. Who are we to judge? Sexual acts that some love make others uncomfortable. It does not make them wrong. It's like music. We all have our own tastes.

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The ones shaming are usually a) guilty of said behavior and/or b) have serious and unhealthy sexual issues.
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post #63 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Its interesting that you cant accept that there are many people who have really happy marriages and good sex lives without these things.
No, it is your blue pill attitude toward reality that I find delusional.
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post #64 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
You can have great and exciting sex without porn or fetishes or acting out violent rapes, we are proof of that.
OMG, I read this post and asked myself what type of "proof" would be needed here to convince everyone!

OK @Diana7 what becomes a fluid at 76F?


PS: OMG, I was going to help you cheat and PM you the answer but you don't except PMs! So here is an awkward hint: Some people use it to brush their teeth!

Last edited by badsanta; 02-28-2017 at 03:33 PM.
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post #65 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 07:10 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
OMG, I read this post and asked myself what type of "proof" would be needed here to convince everyone!

OK @Diana7 what becomes a fluid at 76F?


PS: OMG, I was going to help you cheat and PM you the answer but you don't except PMs! So here is an awkward hint: Some people use it to brush their teeth!
I know, I know (jumping up and down with raised hand)!!! Ice cream. No?

How about coconut oil?
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post #66 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:54 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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The ones shaming are usually a) guilty of said behavior and/or b) have serious and unhealthy sexual issues.
Not so.
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post #67 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:55 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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No, it is your blue pill attitude toward reality that I find delusional.
Just because things happen doesn't make them beneficial.
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post #68 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:56 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
OMG, I read this post and asked myself what type of "proof" would be needed here to convince everyone!

OK @Diana7 what becomes a fluid at 76F?


PS: OMG, I was going to help you cheat and PM you the answer but you don't except PMs! So here is an awkward hint: Some people use it to brush their teeth!
Dont I?
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post #69 of 76 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:10 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Not so.
I like your responses.

Don't let them get your goat. This forum is for everybody. Conservative and "Other".

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #70 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 04:15 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
I like your responses.

Don't let them get your goat. This forum is for everybody. Conservative and "Other".
Thank you, I appreciate your support.
Its not always easy going against the flow. Although I don't consider us conservative, just faithful, we just don't bring others into our sex life. I think its very sad that people don't realise what a good sex life they can have without porn, fetishes etc. Its so special.

Sex and sexuality has been so skewed from what it should be.

Last edited by Diana7; 03-01-2017 at 04:25 AM.
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post #71 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 05:42 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

I'm conscious that I'm hijacking the OP's thread here, but I also think that this dialogue should be useful for him.

Diana, I think that what people are responding to so negatively (whether you intend it or not) is that it feels like you are judging everyone who doesn't hold the same position as you. That people who enjoy "these things" are somehow dirty or perverted. You need to realise that this often about an experience that they share with their spouse that brings them both great pleasure and intimacy, not something done furtively in a back alley somewhere. That said, like @SunCMars, I believe that every voice has the right to be heard. And I believe that all disagreements should be respectful.

As I said earlier in this thread, people are wired differently. And that I do believe that very strongly. A few years ago, I ran into an alternative marriage lifestyle choice defined as "Taken in Hand", which interestingly, I found via a mainstream Christian forum. The rabid feminist in me who has slumbered since my 'varsity days awoke and prowled about growling within me on reading about it. But I was fascinated by how some of it appealed to me at a very basic, sexual level. It made no intellectual sense. Unpacking my response with my husband's help made a huge difference to my sex life. It was good before, but became far more afterwards.

I can appreciate that porn and particularly "gang bang porn" are anathema to someone who is wired the way that you and your husband clearly are; and who has the beliefs that you clearly share. But I don't think that it is helpful to tell the OP that he should shine the light of shame on his wife for how she is choosing to deal with the stresses of being a new mother. In fact, I think that it could be hugely detrimental to any of their further intimacy should he choose to approach it this way. I also believe very strongly that encouraging him to use the current situation as a platform for intimate and honest dialogue could be incredibly sexually rewarding for both of them.

Personally I feel that communication is the most powerful marital aid there is. And that shame and fear of being judged are the greatest barrier to a fulfilling sex life. Some couples are lucky enough to achieve really good sexual chemistry almost immediately and some are not. Most of us, I suspect, lie somewhere in between. For me, whenever I have found the courage to be more honest with my husband about what really makes me feel desired, loved and cherished, the rewards have been great. And vice versa.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.
― C.S. Lewis
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post #72 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 06:33 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Thank you, I appreciate your support.
Its not always easy going against the flow. Although I don't consider us conservative, just faithful, we just don't bring others into our sex life. I think its very sad that people don't realise what a good sex life they can have without porn, fetishes etc. Its so special.

Sex and sexuality has been so skewed from what it should be.
Going against the flow?

That is my Modus-Operande. Run uphill....both ways. Swim against the tide for strength. Go with the anonymous flow when resting for the night.

Want to go with the flow? Find the flow that matches your rhythm, the direction that makes sense to you. The direction that stands for, 'Your Honor'.

Never swim when powered by your bitter bow-thruster......you will only go in circles.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....

As it should be

Here's the rub..OP and Diana. Go ahead and fight promiscuity. It has been around since the beginning of time. Sodom and Gomorrah were smote by God.
Today? Copenhagen and Las Vegas flourish. Why? People like this way of living. They do.

If you keep fighting the trend, what is the result,?
You two will continually be given a backed handed rub, at the hands of.... a ticked off Yeti crowd. What "it" should be....is what it "Is".

Unless Ye be Empress or Emperor, you go with the flow or be drowned by the undertow. Silenced by the underhanded, sometimes open-handed 'greater number' of mankind.

It is by consensus of the Majority and in accordance with whatever Law is presently in effect.

No, not according to Scripture or the Greek Philosophers. There are certainly "Eternal Laws", laws immutable to the passage of time or to the whims of clay men. But these do not show up on your internet News feeds or in any public School Curriculum.

Don't tllt at Windmills.
Unless Ye be the Dark Moor.

By the Dark Moor:

Searching the glory
In a territory
Whose name I don't recall;
You fight for rightness,
For honour's brightness
As you were mad at all.

Tilt at windmills,
As you were mad at all.

Tilt at windmills,
Enter with them in brawl.

You must protect
The flame which burns in your chest.
You can elect
The purest cause from the rest.
You must defend
Innocence which never kneels.
You can amend
This sane world with your ideals.

Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, go on!
Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, always on!

Fighting the evil
In a medieval
World created by your mind;
A knight who is guiding
The men who are hiding
That they, as well, are blind.

You must protect
The flame which burns in your chest.
You can elect
The purest cause from the rest.
You must defend
Innocence which never kneels.
You can amend
This sane world with your ideals.

Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, go on!
Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, always on!

You must defend
Innocence which never kneels.
You can amend
This sane world with your ideals.

Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, go on!
Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, always on!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.

Last edited by SunCMars; 03-01-2017 at 06:37 AM.
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post #73 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:35 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

If I found out my wife was watching gang bang porn, I honestly don't think it would bother me in the slightest.

I agree with the others in this thread who say that what one watches, porn-wise, does not mean they would actually partake in it IRL.

Whether it's right or it's wrong, porn is often a way of exploring, of seeing what else is out there, of seeing the many different ways in which people express their sexuality. It's also an escape.

If OP's wife is watching gang bang porn, that is not at all indicative of her true desires - it's just that it turns her on. It's different, and there's an element of taboo to it.

As for why she watches it several times a day, I wouldn't worry too too much about that, either. Given her current circumstances of being at home all day with a young child, I can kind of understand where her mind is at. I was once unemployed for about 6 months a long time ago (had quit a good job to move across the country, moved back within a few months. Good thing we had a lot of savings to tide us over. Anyway.) Basically, my brain somewhat went to jello, and for that period of time, I had no real sense of purpose, other than job hunting.

Doing something out of the ordinary is almost like an escape for her, I imagine. Doing something that is "unmotherly" and a little out of her norm is creating a little excitement and/or routine in her day-to-day life.

Moreover, it's likely a way of her to break free of that "so this is my life now" mental space she's probably in. She has no one to talk to, nobody to really socialize with, and all her days are probably pretty much exactly the same. So she escapes, sometimes several times a day, in a safe way. In a way that makes her feel, rightly or wrongly, like she's a little on the edge.

For me, when I had that six months of hell, I started out just fine. By about month 3 or 4, I was stir-crazy. I got almost fixated on two things - showering and masturbating. I'd shower 2 or 3 times a day, and masturbate at least as much. Both things just allowed me to relax and escape for short periods of time. I obviously didn't need to shower that often, and as for masturbation, it wasn't about me being excited or turned on by anything. Both things just became these weird habits that had no effect other than to break up the day and give me purpose, as small as it was.

(FYI, we were living in rental homes at the time, so I couldn't spend my days renovating or painting or otherwise keeping busy that way. And the only vehicle we had at that time, my ex wife used for work. Not to get to work, she used it FOR work, so I couldn't drive her in and have a vehicle to run errands etc with. There was truly nothing I could do with my days during that time, other than job hunt... Ugh, worst period of my life by far.)

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #74 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 09:28 AM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

If I see a woman watching gang bang porn, it tells me that she is trying to fill a need for submission and domination.


Not that I am judging, I have had a bordering D/s Marriages for 20 yrs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexm View Post
If I found out my wife was watching gang bang porn, I honestly don't think it would bother me in the slightest.

I agree with the others in this thread who say that what one watches, porn-wise, does not mean they would actually partake in it IRL.

Whether it's right or it's wrong, porn is often a way of exploring, of seeing what else is out there, of seeing the many different ways in which people express their sexuality. It's also an escape.

If OP's wife is watching gang bang porn, that is not at all indicative of her true desires - it's just that it turns her on. It's different, and there's an element of taboo to it.

As for why she watches it several times a day, I wouldn't worry too too much about that, either. Given her current circumstances of being at home all day with a young child, I can kind of understand where her mind is at. I was once unemployed for about 6 months a long time ago (had quit a good job to move across the country, moved back within a few months. Good thing we had a lot of savings to tide us over. Anyway.) Basically, my brain somewhat went to jello, and for that period of time, I had no real sense of purpose, other than job hunting.

Doing something out of the ordinary is almost like an escape for her, I imagine. Doing something that is "unmotherly" and a little out of her norm is creating a little excitement and/or routine in her day-to-day life.

Moreover, it's likely a way of her to break free of that "so this is my life now" mental space she's probably in. She has no one to talk to, nobody to really socialize with, and all her days are probably pretty much exactly the same. So she escapes, sometimes several times a day, in a safe way. In a way that makes her feel, rightly or wrongly, like she's a little on the edge.

For me, when I had that six months of hell, I started out just fine. By about month 3 or 4, I was stir-crazy. I got almost fixated on two things - showering and masturbating. I'd shower 2 or 3 times a day, and masturbate at least as much. Both things just allowed me to relax and escape for short periods of time. I obviously didn't need to shower that often, and as for masturbation, it wasn't about me being excited or turned on by anything. Both things just became these weird habits that had no effect other than to break up the day and give me purpose, as small as it was.

(FYI, we were living in rental homes at the time, so I couldn't spend my days renovating or painting or otherwise keeping busy that way. And the only vehicle we had at that time, my ex wife used for work. Not to get to work, she used it FOR work, so I couldn't drive her in and have a vehicle to run errands etc with. There was truly nothing I could do with my days during that time, other than job hunt... Ugh, worst period of my life by far.)
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post #75 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: My wife is watching gang bang porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Thank you, I appreciate your support.
Its not always easy going against the flow. Although I don't consider us conservative, just faithful, we just don't bring others into our sex life. I think its very sad that people don't realise what a good sex life they can have without porn, fetishes etc. Its so special.

Sex and sexuality has been so skewed from what it should be.
Sex SHOULD be whatever makes a loving couple happy together.

What makes intimacy special for 2 people owes no explanations to anyone.

Your "norm" is exactly that, YOURS. No one else's.

"what it should be" is subject to the perceptions of those who are in it.
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