Getting partner to explore more - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 33Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 169
Getting partner to explore more

I want to explore bandage, and maybe a few fetishes. My husband seems uncomfortable with this. I've asked him once to tie me up and he told me I have a problem. Has anyone successful warmed their partners up to the idea of being a little more open to exploring these types of sex acts? Vanilla is great but it gets boring after a while. That being said I don't want to push my partner away with this stuff either.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Mollymolz is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:01 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,397
Re: Getting partner to explore more

I'm sorry, but this can be really difficult. I sympathize with wanting to try new adventurous things, I do as well, but for many people that sort of behavior just isn't desirable or maybe even downright disturbing.

What to you or anyone else with a kinky bent sounds like a fun game - tie you up, spank you, make you his "slave" or whatever turns you on, to other sounds like a perversion.

Its tough. In my relationship I'm the one who wants to try new things, and getting that "you are a perv" look back when I suggest something really hurts.

If he has outright rejected the suggestion, I don't know much else you can do.
uhtred is offline  
post #3 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:16 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,332
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Mollymolz,

Check your PMs
EleGirl is online now  
post #4 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:16 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 143
Re: Getting partner to explore more

These kinds of posts usually make me roll my eyes and angry only because of my personal experience. For years I was bored with husband's vanilla sex and always asked for different things, bought toys, bought lingerie and NADA. Little did I know he was secretly watching porn and way worse than what I was asking for. He may act vanilla but maybe he is embarrassed to talk about it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
hifromme67 is offline  
post #5 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:20 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 945
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
I want to explore bandage, and maybe a few fetishes. My husband seems uncomfortable with this. I've asked him once to tie me up and he told me I have a problem.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Is he worried that you might change you mind part way through and harbour resentment that he went along?

Kushti divvus, pali i peni!
Sawney Beane is offline  
post #6 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 169
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sawney Beane View Post
Is he worried that you might change you mind part way through and harbour resentment that he went along?
No, I don't think so. He knows I'm pretty open. I think it's more his own discomfort.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Mollymolz is offline  
post #7 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:32 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 169
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by hifromme67 View Post
These kinds of posts usually make me roll my eyes and angry only because of my personal experience. For years I was bored with husband's vanilla sex and always asked for different things, bought toys, bought lingerie and NADA. Little did I know he was secretly watching porn and way worse than what I was asking for. He may act vanilla but maybe he is embarrassed to talk about it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm sorry that was your experience. I've watched some of the stuff he's downloaded (he denied that he downloaded) and some of what was on his Internet history. It was pretty tame and I don't think he's hiding anything.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Mollymolz is offline  
post #8 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 169
Re: Getting partner to explore more

The eye roll is what I've got before. It does make me feel like a deviant. My issue is that I don't understand how he can decide he doesn't like something if he's never tried.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Mollymolz is offline  
post #9 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 05:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,397
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Expressing shock / disgust at a partner's sexual desires is a terrible thing to do. Its fine (if unfortunate) to say you aren't interested, but he should not have made you feel badly about what you want - especially because its a fairly common kink.

It IS possible to know you won't like something without trying it. There is a Japanese dish where they eat live Octopus. Nope, not trying it.....




Quote:
Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
The eye roll is what I've got before. It does make me feel like a deviant. My issue is that I don't understand how he can decide he doesn't like something if he's never tried.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
uhtred is offline  
post #10 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 169
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Expressing shock / disgust at a partner's sexual desires is a terrible thing to do. Its fine (if unfortunate) to say you aren't interested, but he should not have made you feel badly about what you want - especially because its a fairly common kink.

It IS possible to know you won't like something without trying it. There is a Japanese dish where they eat live Octopus. Nope, not trying it.....
You have me there lol. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle that dish either. I suppose we just have to learn to live with different tastes.

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Mollymolz is offline  
post #11 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 06:52 PM
Member
 
badsanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Southpole!
Posts: 3,077
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
Has anyone successful warmed their partners up to the idea of being a little more open to exploring these types of sex acts?
Blindfolds and basic restraints such as ropes to tie up hands and feet, are very basic and vanilla if you ask me. Perhaps you did not discuss this in the best context, and you brought up the idea while he was already defensive about something (e.g. perhaps you mentioned sex had been boring lately).

My suggestion would be to start with things that are very basic, like using a men's silk suit tie as a hand restraint, or a scarf as a blindfold. Since those are basic and non threatening items, just have them in the nightstand. Perhaps demonstrate playfully on him first, and then ask him to return the favor. Afterwards if he enjoyed it, THEN talk about how you would want to perhaps try something a little more elaborate next time.

You may also find it helpful to know that a man's threshold for new sexual ideas becomes more open while he is very aroused. So if you get him aroused first, you will be able to discuss things that you never thought possible and he will be much more open to it. The problem with this approach is that afterwards he may change his opinion and express that he no longer likes an idea.

Regards,
Badsanta
badsanta is offline  
post #12 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:35 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,397
Re: Getting partner to explore more

It may be worth a try but I've come to believe that "kinkiness" as immutable as sexual orientation.

There is almost nothing I can imagine that my wife might as for that would shock / disturb me, and few things that I wouldn't be willing to try. OTOH, she has been shocked by some of my suggestions that I thought were relatively normal. In particular for her anything that hints at "force" seems disturbing.

For someone who has a kinky side, its difficult to imagine the mindset of someone who doesn't.




Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Blindfolds and basic restraints such as ropes to tie up hands and feet, are very basic and vanilla if you ask me. Perhaps you did not discuss this in the best context, and you brought up the idea while he was already defensive about something (e.g. perhaps you mentioned sex had been boring lately).

My suggestion would be to start with things that are very basic, like using a men's silk suit tie as a hand restraint, or a scarf as a blindfold. Since those are basic and non threatening items, just have them in the nightstand. Perhaps demonstrate playfully on him first, and then ask him to return the favor. Afterwards if he enjoyed it, THEN talk about how you would want to perhaps try something a little more elaborate next time.

You may also find it helpful to know that a man's threshold for new sexual ideas becomes more open while he is very aroused. So if you get him aroused first, you will be able to discuss things that you never thought possible and he will be much more open to it. The problem with this approach is that afterwards he may change his opinion and express that he no longer likes an idea.

Regards,
Badsanta
uhtred is offline  
post #13 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 08:34 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 2,219
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Mollymolz,

Check your PMs
Big sister loves you. And She is watching you. She is watching all of us. She cut an inch off the end of my tongue. She did. Ask her.

I now hasa lisp whan I white. Add that to the wavy wisp...wisp of sanity that still sparks in my pumpkin.

She is watching you from behind her veil.

I can climb her wall and peek, have a look-see. But I don't. My imagination works better than my old eyes.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........................

My PM?

Post Mortem....nobody loves an old fool.

Well, excepting an occasional visit from a robed Buddha, with no underwear....... no Under Armor, underneath his smile!
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..........................
Evade Death...at all costs. Death travels with the Wind. Run counter....counter, my friends. It will pass over your head....looking for fear, avoiding the brave. I hope. Hope lives in Canada.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..........................

Molly....

Turn your head 45 degrees. Press the bridge of your nose against the bridge of your husbands. That is the closest Your Eyes will get to His...Eyes....... Aye, Yai, Yai!

While in this position tell him to "Tie you up and **** you". "Do it now, my sexy man!"

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is online now  
post #14 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 08:49 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Mid-South
Posts: 772
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Expressing shock / disgust at a partner's sexual desires is a terrible thing to do. Its fine (if unfortunate) to say you aren't interested, but he should not have made you feel badly about what you want - especially because its a fairly common kink.

It IS possible to know you won't like something without trying it. There is a Japanese dish where they eat live Octopus. Nope, not trying it.....
You could try being tied up and then add the live octopus ....... that would probably be way past the "common kink" barrier.
WonkyNinja is offline  
post #15 of 55 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:28 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 169
Re: Getting partner to explore more

Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Blindfolds and basic restraints such as ropes to tie up hands and feet, are very basic and vanilla if you ask me. Perhaps you did not discuss this in the best context, and you brought up the idea while he was already defensive about something (e.g. perhaps you mentioned sex had been boring lately).

My suggestion would be to start with things that are very basic, like using a men's silk suit tie as a hand restraint, or a scarf as a blindfold. Since those are basic and non threatening items, just have them in the nightstand. Perhaps demonstrate playfully on him first, and then ask him to return the favor. Afterwards if he enjoyed it, THEN talk about how you would want to perhaps try something a little more elaborate next time.

You may also find it helpful to know that a man's threshold for new sexual ideas becomes more open while he is very aroused. So if you get him aroused first, you will be able to discuss things that you never thought possible and he will be much more open to it. The problem with this approach is that afterwards he may change his opinion and express that he no longer likes an idea.

Regards,
Badsanta
You are right, I didn't bring it up at the best of times. We went through a major dry spell and it was while we were sorting that out that I broached the topic. Maybe a more well thought out plan of attack will work

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk
Mollymolz is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
you did it for other men, but not me? nogutsnoglory Sex in Marriage 2775 03-15-2017 01:35 PM
Different sex drives Mollymolz Sex in Marriage 120 03-10-2017 12:09 PM
5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married VS Glen Home Page Feature News 15 10-26-2016 01:49 PM
How to Love a Partner Suffering From Depression VS Glen Home Page Feature News 0 08-24-2016 07:54 AM
Affirmation: Giving Your Partner the Gift of Words VS Glen Home Page Feature News 0 08-03-2016 11:09 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome