Is kinkiness an "orientation"? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Is kinkiness an "orientation"?

kinkiness can vary a LOT depending on age. You might be pure vanilla for half of your life, then get the urge to try something new, and off it is to the races.

The problem is the timing. Just when you decide to be kinky, your spouse is deciding they want less sex and pure vanilla only. LOL You can not win
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 05:21 PM
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Re: Is kinkiness an "orientation"?

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
Let's have a clear definition of the words kink and fetish.

..Keeping that in mind, I'd say a fetish is more or less an orientation considering the fetishist either has difficulty or cannot become arouse without the fetish. A kink is slightly different as many people can still have a satisfying sex life without indulging their kink(s) while others need their kinks indulged at least sometimes to be satisfied.

...This really depends on the kink. A "kind, loving, and (compatible) kinky" partner that won't change is a must for some kinksters. They need a partner who will indulge their kink enthusiastically for the entirety of their sex lives. Being willing just isn't enough, there has to be mutual enthusiasm and enjoyment of the kink for a lot of kinksters.....
Fetish is kind of an over-used word. Thank you for the reminder. It has been a long time since college, but there is a huge difference.

Having been married for over 45 years to the same woman I can say that our relationship has changed over that time as has my wife. One of the most profound things that changes people is having children. It changes you in all kinds of ways and kids can find just about anything. I know people who got rid of toys and such when children began to walk and pull open drawers to explore.

I have also heard my wife say that "I will not wear that, as my body has changed and I don't look good in that."

I think hoping for A "kind, loving, and (compatible) kinky" partner that won't change is a must for some kinksters is not a totally realistic expectation. It may be desirable and a lofty goal, but hardly the norm.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:48 PM
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Re: Is kinkiness an "orientation"?

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Fetish is kind of an over-used word. Thank you for the reminder. It has been a long time since college, but there is a huge difference.

Having been married for over 45 years to the same woman I can say that our relationship has changed over that time as has my wife. One of the most profound things that changes people is having children. It changes you in all kinds of ways and kids can find just about anything. I know people who got rid of toys and such when children began to walk and pull open drawers to explore.

I have also heard my wife say that "I will not wear that, as my body has changed and I don't look good in that."

I think hoping for A "kind, loving, and (compatible) kinky" partner that won't change is a must for some kinksters is not a totally realistic expectation. It may be desirable and a lofty goal, but hardly the norm.
DH and I are noobs at marriage compared to you. We've only been married 14 years, but lived as married for nearly 3 years before that. Of course there have been changes over the years, but the core has remained the same.

Sure, my body has changed from having children. That doesn't affect my willingness to wear some costume or other. It just means I have to look a bit harder to find something that suits me and still goes along with the general theme.

Sure, kids poke their noses into every nook and cranny and could discover Mom and Dad's sex toy stash, but locks are plentiful and inexpensive. Under mattress restraints, sex swings that hang from the door frame, stripper poles that collapse for storage, on and on. There are many stealth options available for parents.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 04:35 PM
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Re: Is kinkiness an "orientation"?

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
DH and I are noobs at marriage compared to you. We've only been married 14 years, but lived as married for nearly 3 years before that. Of course there have been changes over the years, but the core has remained the same.

Sure, my body has changed from having children. That doesn't affect my willingness to wear some costume or other. It just means I have to look a bit harder to find something that suits me and still goes along with the general theme.

Sure, kids poke their noses into every nook and cranny and could discover Mom and Dad's sex toy stash, but locks are plentiful and inexpensive. Under mattress restraints, sex swings that hang from the door frame, stripper poles that collapse for storage, on and on. There are many stealth options available for parents.
If you want a recommendation, yandy.com has a great selection in a wide variety of sizes, at great prices.

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