I'm seeking advice from women with similar mentalities as my wife. Or men who have experienced the same. A little bit of backstory:
My wife and I have been married for 3 years. In that time, and during the few years we dated, she has given me oral sex every 3-6 months. She goes for 30-60 seconds and only one of those times has it gone to completion. I give her oral most times we have sex. The disparity is not the issue here, I quite enjoy making her feel good. While a little more frequency and completion would be nice, my primary goal is for her to be comfortable with it.
The first time she did it was after we had been dating for roughly a year. It wasn't expected and I had never mentioned it in the past, making it totally her own idea. When several months went by without another go, I tested the waters by asking. That blew up in my face (mostly my own fault). So I backed up and have been carefully (sensitively) trying to peel away the reasons for her hesitation. Frankly, she isn't terribly comfortable with a wide open conversation about sex. This has been a true test of patience and understanding for me; and we have been working on opening up and exploring our sexuality. It's been kind of romantic, really.
It wasn't until last night that I finally got a honest, straight answer. She doesn't like to do it because of performance anxiety. She's afraid it won't feel good for me and it will be embarrassing for her. And she was embarrassed to admit that all this time. Far less sinister than I would have ever guessed. Believe me, we opened EVERY other door. "No stone unturned" so to speak.
Now the question. Simple encouragement that she's "good" isn't going to cut it. Honestly, I can't relate that well to hows she's feeling (not for a lack of flaws, mind you). Any women out there with advice for her or me, or some personal perspective about how they have overcome this kind of anxiety? Any guys have a wife with a similar hesitation? I'm like a dog chasing a car. I finally have what I've been after, now what to do with it?
Personally, I don't quite think that's the reason she doesn't do it. It may be PART of it, sure, but I dunno...
The reality is, there are many, many women out there who just simply dislike doing it, for a variety of reasons. Even many who will do it, or do it regularly, don't particularly enjoy it.
My wife HATES it (she's said so... ugh), yet she will still do it as part of foreplay, and do it well. AND be really into it, at that moment. Seriously, it's weird. She's a freakin' pro at it. On it's own - **** no. The idea of a standalone BJ is akin to walking slowly over hot coals.
Why the disparity in feelings towards it? Damned if I know, and I've long ago given up figuring it out.
Anyway, like I said, her anxiety over her skills with it may be real, but I have a hard time believing that's the sole reason it rarely happens, and when it does, it's 30-60 seconds long.
Honestly, I could be wrong. But my take on it is that if she was into giving BJ's, she'd give BJ's, regardless of her perceived skill level. She'd learn along the way, and there'd be no reason for her to be embarrassed about it. More likely, she's either really blase about them, or she already knows it's not something she enjoys doing, yet may be willing to throw out there as often as she already does.
On the other hand, she may be under the assumption that 30-60 seconds is as long as it should take, and because you're not finishing in that time frame, she thinks she's bad at them. She may have this in her head because she simply doesn't know. She may think that because her prior experiences giving them, the dude finished in 30 seconds.