Have not been on here in about 3 years so many may not remember me and that's fine. Wife is asexual but in the time since my last visit (spring 2014), we have had sex twice and have had two children. One born in march 2014 and the other in december 2016. Sex drive has essentially died. The two kids and getting my dream job have taken precedence over sex and passion. It feels weird being male and not caring in the least if we touch, kiss, have sex. About once a month I masturbate but it is more of a sleep tool than a release. Has anybody else ever just given up and had their sex drive die a not so sweet death?
Originally Posted by ChargingCharlie View Post
My wife is asexual (five times in six-plus years), and I've noticed my drive has gone down (it's not totally dead, but it's not what it was). I do masturbate sometimes, but even then I notice that it's not as strong, if you know what I mean.
Some people (men and women) just don't view sex as an important part of a marriage. My wife views sex as work and is always complaining about being tired, having a headache, etc. so I don't even bother. If she's in the mood, she knows where to find me - I've given up trying.
As someone who is not in a sexless marriage, but who has an extremely LD/responsive desire partner (ie once a week, like clockwork, not an ounce of sexuality, never mind sex, outside of this weekly timeframe), I can tell you that the LD/ND/asexual partner always 'wins' in the end.
My drive used to be high. Like daily. The frustration at not having sex daily then changed to not having sex every 2nd day, then every 3rd. Now I'm "happy" with once a week, and the rest of the week doesn't bother me.
Was that actually ME changing, or simply adapting to my circumstances/surroundings? Totally the latter, IMO.
I have no doubt that if my sex life went from weekly to bi-weekly, I'd adapt over time. Or monthly, or twice a year. Or never. We humans are adaptable like this, particularly when the rest of the circumstances are ideal - as in your case (mine too).
We instinctually find ways to repress things that are no longer 'necessary' for survival. You have a partner whom you love, and you have procreated with her, and the rest of the relationship is good or great. Your brain has told you that there's no need for sex, and it's technically not wrong. But it's not right, either.
As you've alluded to, you're unsure of what you will feel once the kids are older and don't want/need their old man hanging around 24/7. You may find other things to occupy your time, but it's unlikely those things will carry the gravitas of being a dad. And worse, once they're actually out of the house, on their own, and it's just you and your wife, there will almost certainly be a sense of emptiness.
Sex is not necessary for one's own survival, but it is for the survival of a relationship. A healthy one, anyway. There is nothing on earth that comes close to fulfilling those basic human needs of intimacy and emotion - which is what separates relationships and marriages from friendships and partnerships.